You Think You Know

My husband shared this with me and I could not stop thinking about it.

It is interesting at face value but on a deeper level it is everything.

What are we teaching our children?  Do we consider how much we shape their world for them by the experiences they have and the things they learn?  My mind goes to so many instances where children are used to further the adults needs and sick wants.

Can we recognize in ourselves that we get stuck in ways of seeing things, ways of dealing with life, ways of problem solving … and we pass it on to our children.  It is not that how we do things is right or wrong but rather that it is limited.  It is just one way and defending that way as “right” and defending it to the point we “hate” other people who do not share our experiences and therefore thoughts is shallow and debilitating.

I have always NEEDED to understand HOW people think.  I remember being a kid and asking a thousand questions because I could not let something go until I could understand why someone had a different opinion or idea than I did.  Once I could see that path, I was ok with it.  I was ok with that person being different than me.  As an adult, when I cannot understand an action, I start on a journey to find a connection point.  If I can understand how a person thinks then I can figure out why they ended up at the place they are in and I have a bridge from me to them.  It does not mean I agree with them but I guess I have this fundamental understanding we are all human and we are all capable of both good and bad given the right circumstances.  I can understand, for example, that a child who is incredibly abused as a child, might grow up to abuse others.  I do not condone their actions but there is something in me that can say I get why that could happen for some people.

These types of understandings should free us all to realize we are so limited and contained with our own lives and experiences and that there is never an end to learning.  Have we “chosen” to be limited?  Is our comfort, our affluence, our pursuit of physical pleasure, shut us down and numbed us to the whole process of life?  Were we meant to continue to grow and expand and experience instead of settling, switching off, and dying?

I have done things to challenge myself through out my life without really thinking about it.  I move my watch from my preferred arm to my other arm.  I write with my other hand.  I sleep on the side less preferred.  I move things around in my environment.   I am now excited to think about expanding that.  To perhaps immersing myself in different practices that change my thoughts.  How else can this work.

Let me know if you try anything and what your experiences are.

Quote

‘When we speak about reactive tendencies of exaggeration and denial, we may wonder exactly what it is we are reacting to. Think about this. How do you perceive things, and why do you respond to them in the way that you do?

We have different ways of knowing things. Most commonly we know “things” through our habitual objectification of them. For example, we often speak about the objectification of women. When we objectify something, we draw a boundary around it and therefore can only know it in a limited way. Who, for instance, is that sultry woman on the billboard – the one in that cool black dress holding a martini? Who is she aside from the one-dimensional image we have of her, an image based upon our fantasies, our desires or insecurities? Undoubtedly, she has a longing for happiness, like all of us. She also feels the pain that comes with that longing, which is touching and beautiful in its own way.

Human beings are complex: we have fresh moments and rotten moments. We have creative and destructive moments, too. We are crazy and predictable, glorious and miserable. Sometimes human beings seem like the lowest form of life on earth… then suddenly we find someone doing something brilliant, touching, and humane. There is a depth of richness in a human being that we can never capture or pin down. In truth, everything is like this – like shifting sands. Try to find “things” if you can. Try to find them before you objectify them, hem them in with concepts, tamper with them, or embellish them by exaggerating or denying their existence. Do you see what I’m getting at here? No matter how hard we search, in the realms of science, psychology, or otherwise, we will never reach an absolute conclusion in the world of “things.” A full experience only comes from our ability to know the truth of thinglessness. When we speak about the boundarylessness of things, we are pointing to knowing their truth, or essence. As we saw before: we cannot find a true boundary or edge to any thing, because all things exist in dependence upon other things. When we experience the interdependence and boundaryless nature of things, we don’t feel the heaviness of the world against us – the world as opposed to me. Instead we feel the fullness of the world, and we are part of that fullness. When we stop objectifying things, in effect, we have nothing other to react to.’  Elizabeth Mattis Namgyel

Quote

“Our relationships give us a real, powerful opportunity for spiritual growth. Love is designed to initially show us everything that is not love: our relationships will trigger all of our wounding from our past experiences from our family of origin. If we have the conscious awareness, then we can start to heal a lot of these wounds. We can start to change our behavior; we can develop new ways of relating to ourselves and other people that support our spiritual growth. Once we’ve moved through that level of awareness, then love can show us everything that is love. If we can understand that our relationships are designed to show us the reflection of everything that is still unresolved in us, then we have powerful opportunities to use them as a platform for spiritual growth.”  Andrew Barnes

Quote

“The act of giving and receiving love is love in itself, where the opposite of love is often associated with hatred; however, in human nature more so than anywhere else is it more closely based on the inability to accept love. The reason of having of low self-esteem varies with all; with some being cracked at an early age and with others with deep underlying scars, but the symptoms remains consistent throughout.

To feel as though one is not accepting of love; one should be no less sympathetic for the one with no love than the one with all the love in the world but cannot accept it as something of their own. The root cause of why one feels stagnation through a natural stream such as love is because of the most violent act against the self, which is self-comparison and being a skeptic of one’s own beauty.

We become increasingly absorbed in our flaws and faults that we forget that it are better to be a diamond with a flaw rather than a pebble without. To have flaws is beauty, a fact so frightening that we hurry to hide them from sight and tarnish the whole in the process. There are only a couple people you cross on your path that you grow to truly know and even then our knowledge about these people is very limited. Whether this be a spouse, parents, or friends; we cannot have omnipotent knowledge about someone no matter how long you have been with them, as we don’t even know everything about ourselves. Apples to oranges, the act of comparing your life to another’s’ is more like comparing an elephant to an apple, it makes no sense to comparing someone’s life that you have no knowledge about to that of your own that you know in all earnest is not completely something that you totally comprehend. When one presents themselves for comparison, they are essentially creating noise in their heads which in turn deafens one from the beautiful song of their own. The mom who raises her kids as a single-parent, the girl having to balance two jobs to attend college, the guy living in an environment not respecting of one’s sexual orientation; we all have hardships in our lives to over come but we are not what they say, what they assume, nor what they want you to be.

We have a beautiful message within us and when we are hurting most it is most necessary to give it away. When you don’t know yourself, you can find yourself through your purpose that interconnects yourself to others. We all have moments where we need to cry like a girl with make-up is smeared all over her face because she cried so hard and hold on dearly to love because life can be so hard, but love is something that must be given away. Love is the message. Love is hard and sometimes doesn’t seem nice, through the giving and accepting of it are we interconnected with the world. Only when you let go of what you have, are your hands free to accept something new. Love with purpose and love without doubt without concern of what may have happened in the past or fear of what might happen. The opposite of love is the inability to accept love. To give love is to accept love.”

 Forrest Curran

When Love Comes Knocking.

knock knock

Don’t you love it when you are bored out of your gourd and just when you think there is absolutely nothing going to happen, there is a knock at the door and it is unexpected guests?  I mean there is all that anticipation of wondering who it is when you go to the door – did you forget you ordered something?  Did someone send you flowers?  Have the children finally come out of their comas, remembered where you live and have come for a visit?  Sooo many possibilities.  And then you open the door and it is those cute little people that show up to tell you that Jesus loves you or that you are going to hell if you don’t love Jesus, here have a magazine and  give them money.

The hell predictors are like the emergency warning system for bad weather except they have more wrinkles usually, speak in a sterner voice and aren’t very helpful with what you are supposed to do with the information, once they tell you.

“YOU ARE GOING TO HELL.”

” That is all.”

“Have a nice day.”

Today, this really cute little old man and lady came by and I was so excited to have some play mates.  Isn’t that nice that they drive up in a whole van load of them and they get out and go knocking on the doors until someone lets them in?  Except no-one usually does and so they can be lost for days in one neighbourhood, getting tangled up in the laundry, lost in the back corner or the fence between the rose bushes  . . . or even end up standing outside your bedroom window attracted to the light late at night.  Talk about Jesus in action, taking church out into the neighbourhood and making a difference in your communities.

They always end up back in the van at some point which is really an effective demonstration of how Jesus cares, and gathers his flock home.   We had Scouts that got let off in the neighbourhood one Saturday to sell chocolates and some of them got lost and were never seen again.  Jesus did not collect them.  Come to think of it, none of their parents ever came looking for them either.  There has to be families in the neighbourhood raising random Boy Scouts and they don’t even realize.

Anyway, John and Alice were already saying “thank you, have a nice day,” and walking off before I even got out, “yes, of course I would love to hear your special message, won’t you come in?”  I had to run after them and bellow.  I only bellow when the situation merits it.  On the prairies, raised by grandparents, you learn manners.  No random bellowing . . . EVER!.

I bellowed.  “John.  Alice.  THIS is your lucky day.  Come onnnnnnnn down!”

They stopped, turned, looked at me, looked at each other, and got their walkers all tangled up in each other trying to get back to the door.  John won.  He gave Alice a wicked elbow and she ended up in the gutter, picking the gravel out of her teeth.  I am pretty sure there was a Jesus competition going on and the prize must have been something awesome like a cross stitched book marker with a bible verse on it.

I asked John if he needed me to sign anything to verify he made it through the door first.   I hate it when book markers go unclaimed and you can’t help but think that there is a winner somewhere crying because he forgot what page he was on in Thessalonians.   He shook his head and I felt like such a idiot.  Of course God already knew he won.

Once we got all settled John began, “Our message today is that Jesus loves you.”

“SHUT UP!!  Are you serious?  No!  No he doesn’t.  Really?”  I was gobsmacked.

Alice was nodding.   “Yes, Jesus loves you.”

“Does the bible tell you so?”

They were both nodding.

“No serious, how do you know?  What did he say about me?”

“No, Jesus didn’t talk about you.  He didn’t say your name or anything.  Jesus doesn’t talk like that.  He just loves everyone.”  Alice was beaming … like a sunbeam.

“Have you seen him … ever?”

“Well no but . . . ”

“So that leaves out sign language or charades …the truth is you have no idea about anything Jesus thinks about me.  “This is not a “hey Aria, you are special” kind of message.  This is “hey Aria, you are just the same as everyone else, no big whoop kind of message.   Like Jesus loves you.  Big deal.  It doesn’t matter whether it is Aria standing here, Bob, ted or Alice … does it, because Jesus isn’t real.  You could say anything you want.”

I was feeling pretty disheartened.  I actually considered slapping the cookies out of their hands and suing them for making me more depressed.

“No, it IS a big deal.   Jesus loves YOU and you should know.  Everyone should know how much Jesus loves them.”

“Why?  Does knowing get me some special prize?  Does he only help those who know he loves them?”

“Of course not, he loves everyone the same.”

So Jesus loved me yesterday even though I did not know, and he loves me today now that I do know, but it is all the same.  He doesn’t love me more today than yesterday?”  But not as much as tomorrow?”

“Exactly.”

“Well yesterday sucked.  So does today actually.  So you are basically here today to tell me that my life sucking is exactly what Jesus wants for me because he loves me and there is nothing I can do about it?  Does this actually work for you?  Or for Jesus for that matter?  I mean normally  a good sales pitch is, sign up with us and you get 2 extra movies a month, or here have a tablet, or a set of steak knives, or something.  You guys are trying to sell, life sucks, you suck, and that is what you get and hey Jesus loves you?  ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?”

John was pretty sure he could hear the van honking for them and he got up to help Alice out.

I  asked if I could have some of their literature or something.  I wanted to give them my name and find out what time they had service but we were right in the middle of a miracle and  there was no time.  People lose their minds when miracles happen.  I rose from my chair to see what was the matter when what to wondering eyes should appear . . . Alice and John were about to disappear.   Alice and John had ditched their walkers in the rose bushes and were running, unaided, for the van that was already pulling away from the curb when they hurled themselves into the open door and everyone sped out of sight.

I know that people don’t believe in miracles anymore but there was a miracle on my street, in my yard, today … because Jesus loves me.  John and Alice told me so.

Parental Alienation – For the Parents. Remember.

my child hates me

For all the parents fighting the war for their children, the injustices of legal systems, the gender bias of maintenance enforcement and often social workers.

Remember.

Remember that your child absorbs the emotion even when they know nothing of the facts.  They absorb and internalize the anger.  They do not have the ability to sort it into the pile labelled “not mine to deal with.”  Everything a child feels is about themselves and writes a page in the book of their life.  This book becomes the story they will read to themselves over and over again through out their life.  It reminds them that they are good or bad.  It reads out each word in the voices of the people who taught them attaching all the feelings and emotions they felt at the time until it has convinced them who they are ….and who they are not.

Continue reading Parental Alienation – For the Parents. Remember.

On Line, Everyone Wants Me.

marry me

I get all these invitations from Non-English speaking groups, causes and men.  THESE are the men that want to date/marry me and declare they are in love with me, even when I point out the picture they are looking at is an avatar I use in a virtual reality called Second Life.  I point out,  in the interest of complete disclosure, they should note that not even Barbie is 9 foot tall and has a 3 inch waist.  But the heart wants what the heart wants.  At least I think it is their heart that wants it.

See Ken being anatomically ambiguousmember deficient, penis-less  has left so many of us women without a real sense of what romance is all about.  We are still thinking pink and tulle and a prince that is just an arm accessory that comes out of box when the scene requires it and gets lost once the wedding is over.   We are waiting for our Barbie  Motor and Dream homes because everyone knows Ken is pointless if those aren’t there.   We were all perfectly happy hanging out with Midge, or even Chatty Cathy, even though she was a know it all and over grown.

No-one ever shopped for a Ken to just hang out in your apartment, eat all your cheese and leave his dirty underwear everywhere.   Even Mattel talks about the dress, the motor home and the last little aside is … “Oh ya, and you can add a Ken too.”  It is kind of like watching the whole show on a fabulous vacuum you can buy and right when they think you are about to walk away from the TV they throw in a set of Ginsu steak knives.  No-one really wants or needs the steak knives but hey, a vacuum AND a set of steak knives?  Ok.  Why not.  You can always give the steak knives to someone as gift or even sell them at a garage sale.  Hey, maybe you can even swap them and a box of unopened bologne for some icecream – ok no-one is going to do that but let’s pretend.  I am trying to give Ken value because I desperately want to be seen as being politically correct and caring.   That is how we were taught about men.  You get all the great stuff and they throw in an ambiguously sexually defined Ken.

How did that prepare us for life?   How many of you screamed the first time you saw peen and wanted to know “WHAT THE HELL IS THAT???”  THAT is the results of Mattel playing with our minds and creating unrealistic illusions about what Ken men and life is all about.

How were any of us supposed to be prepared for life?

Ya so anyway, the groups etc.  Men already have so much to make up for and then they show up declaring their love and they are looking at a picture of Bliss the avatar.  She doesn’t look anything like me but she is basically me.  They say they love me and want to marry me and I try really hard to imagine a woman, some woman, ANY woman, anywhere … buying into that and going “YES, YES … let’s pick out our invitations.”

Do I give off that mindless, semi lunatic vibe that makes them think I will want in on that?

And what is with these men/people/groups?  When you send out an invite I assume you are hoping for a positive response.  Don’t you think you should at least know something about the person you are lying to?  Like you don’t invite a blind person to be an art critic?

How can anyone spend a nanosecond with me and not know that I am not the “sit in the back quietly, nodding my head once in awhile” kind of person?   I need my words.  I need a loud voice.  I need to be talking/typing ALLLL the time.  I can’t move those puppets fast enough to act out my every thought and comment.  I am not an angel or something ( see video with evidence of the abilityof angels to move magically and swiftly – study picture of me and then picture of angel – NOT the same person).  Don’t invite me to some Stepford Wives Club where we dress nice and leave our minds at home and play “we are better than everyone else” while we sip wine.

Don’t ask me to join a movement and not have an opinion that may not always agree with yours.

Don’t ever ask me to play angry cats or ducks or penguins.

Please, if you are going to invite me to join a group, take the time to look at my profile and see that I cannot speak your language.  I am language challenged.  I only speak English, some  French, and swear words.  I have lots of tones … but actual other languages … No.   I suck.

You can’t invite me and then go “surprise!  You go sit in the corner, don’t worry what we are talking about and put this machine gun together will you?”

My Barbie lived in a white trailer park.  She has significant limits.

And she hates normal and sheep … Big hater of all sheep like tendencies.  Rules suck too.

I suck at joining.

That is why the whole marriage thing is probably a no go too.

Hey where are you going?

Can we still date?

Or is that a deal breaker?

Damn.

I said too much again, didn’t I??

Like having coffee with your best friend, providing your friend is opinionated, passionate, and insane.

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