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Vote. And Make it Count This Time.

vote

Queensland goes to the polls next weekend.  Leading up to the election we find out politicians behaving badly even when they know their job is to try and impress us.  My thoughts concerning the responsibility to vote and a laundry list of what I want from our politicians is not just about Queensland or Australia.  It is about every election, everywhere and I think it is time we started to wade through the maze of garbage that politics has become and be very clear about what we want.

1.  I don’t want to listen to the politicians anymore.  I would like them to shut up and start listening to me.  I would like them to listen to you.  I would like them to listen to the actual people they serve and the people that their policies are most going to impact.  People can handle tough laws that are necessary if they know you have genuinely heard and considered all the arguments before making those decisions.

2.  I don’t want to see pictures of you and your family on your Facebook page having fabulously holidays in once-in-a-lifetime destinations, 3 – 4 times a year, clearly sparing no expense.  Even if you are independently wealthy and this is not being paid for on the tax payer’s dime, have some sensitivities.  No-one voted for you because they want to see how awesome your life is compared to their meagre struggles.  I want to see pictures of you doing your job.  And sipping champagne at some $500 a plate dinner that you get to attend for free at some picture taking opportunity for some organization you drop in on once a year does not cut it.  Try delivering some meals to the shut ins, get out and sand bag during a flood, take the nurses coffee and sit with them in their lunchroom and find out about their concerns.

3.  I don’t want to hear that you can’t get along with the people you are supposed to be working with.  Let’s take the personality out of this and talk about the business at hand.  If your best shot is a personal attack on another member of government then you need to hand in your hall pass and let someone in there who is interested in the matters concerning the country.  No-one said you had to like everyone, or invite them over for summer dinners.  But you do have to be able to keep focused and find a way to work with everyone.  That is what politicians do.  Put the business of the country first and your personal insecurities in the back of your closet.

4.  Stop suing people, stop demanding the media is not allowed to ask questions, or take pictures, or talk negatively about you.  We count on them to point out things and ask questions.  We aren’t there.  If what you are doing cannot stand up to daylight it is probably not the right thing to be doing.  If you are not accountable and not responsible for your actions then who is?  You got elected because you said you would be accountable.

5.  Own your mistakes.  Stop trying to cover them up or blame others.

6.  You cannot ask a people to do anything you yourself are not prepared to do.  You cannot understand the struggle of poverty if you have never had to go without food or shelter.  Don’t pretend you do but seek out the people who do know and listen carefully to what they tell you.

We want a leader who is one of us.  We want someone who wants to work for us and with us.  We don’t need a sheep herder or a drill sergeant.   Include us.  Involve us.  Spend time with us.  Hear us.  You need a team in order to be successful and we, the people, are part of that team.  If you want to heal the problems facing this nation then engage all of us in the process and ask for our help.  Don’t exclude us because that is the biggest fatal flaw of all politicians around the world today, they have taken their votes to their privileged, secluded ivory towers and forgotten that they need the people much more than the people will ever need them.

2015

 

I always love a new notebook.  You open the first page and make the first mark and every possibility exists because this is your book and it is new and you will determine what you write.  In school I would imagine the final page and looking back on a book filled with my efforts, perfect writing, perfect work, worthy of the highest marks.  At the actual end I would have a book filled with my efforts, my writing – sometimes slow and precise and beautifully formed, sometimes hurried and messy. but always with errors and mistakes.  I was not a perfect human being.    Still, I loved my books because they represented the journey I had made through a subject or a period of time.  Some of those books I still have and they are treasures to me.  I run my fingers over the words and wonder about the person I was then and who I am now.

So it is with a new year.  It is a new book for a measurement of time and while we approach it with all hope for highest marks, what we have at the end is most telling, not about the world around us, but ourselves.  Who we are impacts the world – the world does not impact us with the same power because we are cause and the world is only effect.  Even if we only inch forward in the smallest of increments, it matters.   Even if we end up having to repeat the subject, it matters.  It matters because we matter.  It matters because in caring for ourselves, we care for the world.

We don’t need governments and leaders to tell us what to do or how to write, we need to awaken our own hearts.  We need to determine who we are so that we can then have a world that reflects our hearts, instead of the world we have now that reflects only our greatest fears.

2015 is a turning point.  We are at a place now where many are awakened or heading there.  Our ability for compassion divides us into the only real division that has ever existed.  It is not one of religion, race or culture.  It is not one of finance or education.  It is light and dark, it is daily regular choices that are life confirming, healing  . .  . loving.  We will remove ourselves from this healing or join it.  We will do that by choosing fear or love. You may not even be aware that you are making a conscious choice but who you are, how you live your life, how you treat others creates your heart.  Your heart pumps more than life sustaining blood to nourish your body, it feeds your soul with an intelligence awareness that surpasses the limits of man.  For centuries man has had shadows in which to hide its sick darkness and practices.  It may seem that today there is darkness everywhere but we are simply now able to see what once was hidden.    There is no space for fear to exist when one is filled with light and love.

2015 is a choice we will make.

This is mine.

 

 

Unfamous People Rock My World.

Your Calling

I am not always a big fan of the big hurrah that we see in some of the positive videos for our kids, for women, for men ….

They sound awesome. Of course these are the kind of things we want our kids to hear. “You can do anything. ” “You are meant to be great!” It is good to have role models and mentors. They give us examples of people who made it BUT I can never agree with the idea that we should be looking at these people as “THIS is what I am supposed to do,” or “THIS is HOW I am supposed to do it.”

The purpose of studying the lives of others, of looking to what they accomplished, how they accomplished, is not to duplicate their efforts. The purpose is to be inspired.

Inspiration is something that happens within us. It is about the dialogue we have with ourselves about who we are and how we are going to accomplish things. Role models and mentors are catalysts for that dialogue to take place. They are not TUTORS.

So maybe the word we have really messed up on is “teacher.”

I can teach someone how to use a computer, to repeat a series of steps to accomplish a specific task. I cannot give him an overall understanding of working with computers. To accomplish that he is going to have to have his own experiences of failures and successes, trying different things, to learn that. It is still falling back, ultimately, on the experience that goes on within him and not the outer interaction of me writing down or explaining the steps. The fact he can repeat the steps is not the same thing as him LEARNING how to work with a computer.

I cannot teach him to love. I can, however, create opportunities and situations, for him to discover love within himself. His experiences and the story he creates about those experiences and the beliefs he uses to explain and validate those experiences are going to be what teaches him.

I recently saw yet another video, this one about women and their potential. It was all about famous women. One of the women shared that she had simply said to God, “use my life” and he answered her prayer and made her a big television star.   The inference is that we can all do the same. Just do it. Overcome adversity, don’t let it stop you, and be . . . Famous/rich/successful/the best/first/?? Good messages right?

Except what about the thousands of other people who offered their life to help others and never got fame or riches or opportunities? What about the people who didn’t plan to be wonderful but spent their lives sacrificing without any appreciation or recognition? Because MOST OF US are never going to be rich, famous, successful, the best, or first. Does that mean we failed as human beings? Did we fail in that God didn’t consider our lives worth using? Or in that we didn’t try hard enough, or were not positive enough?

What I want to say to people is just be who you are. No better, no less, than anyone standing next to you, just completely you. Be at peace with that. Do the things that speak to your heart. Love your heart … and your gut … and your own unique way of seeing and interpreting the world. Speak your truth. Do what gives you joy. Do what you can. Love others and let them love you.

It doesn’t matter what we do because it is only a sick ego world that lines people up and values them by their jobs and how much money they make. It is an ass backwards world that decided being able to run fast, or sing songs or act is worthy of so much more money than a mother, or a teacher, or even the man to collects the garbage. Where would we be without those people who are willing to pick up our garbage? We are still buying into this. We are still holding it up to our children as if it is some magic promise of happiness, as if their life will be worthy only if they are in an office and not as much if they are out building houses.

It isn’t.

Happiness comes from knowing who you are, from living with integrity, from doing what you love, from connection with others. THAT is what we should be selling to our kids. And if they get rich and famous on the road to their sense of peace and happiness, it is irrelevant. It is jam for the bread of life. We can live without jam. We cannot live without bread.

Pinda Piper Pinned a Pin. Pinda Piper’s In the Bin!

pinter poke

 

 

 

 

Poor Pinda, she had no idea that some pinning is considered a sin, worthy of excommunication from the Church of Pinterest.

I have a suggestion for all the people on Pinterest who are so freaking panicked about other people pinning “their” pins.   Clearly they are beyond distressed about how many pins other peoples repin and so they post all kind of posters warning those people they will be blocked (as in not able to look at or take their pins anymore).  I tried to talk to a couple of them off the ledge and explain the pictures they collect are not really “theirs” (in most instances).   They did not make the item, nor do they own what is shown in the picture.  They did not take the picture.  Someone else did all that and loaded it onto the internet, where THEY got it from so really . . . it is not “theirs.”  It actually belongs to someone else on the internet who may or may not be really happy about the fact THEY took it without asking.  I can’t sing a song someone else wrote and insist it is mine and that if anyone else sings it they have to give me credit.  I can’t see a painting and like it and then insist if anyone else does the same they have to credit me for it because I saw it and liked it first.

Asking these types of Pinters  if they see the irony in their not wanting people to copy and paste from them is not dissimilar to trying to convince a cranky two year old that eating liver is awesome.   Ok actually lets change that to trying to convince me, even on an awesome day, with ample medication, that eating liver is awesome.

I appreciate Pinters get cranky over the amount of time it took them to find those pictures  and then to  click their mouse to load them onto their boards.    I know they feel they have a special eye for collection of all things “green,” or “cute,” or even “fluffy.”  I get that it probably took days to come up with what you should call a board with green things in it and that how you arranged the words “all things green” shows promising literary talent.  All THAT should be worth something right?

I don’t think, on a global scale, it really is.

It might have merited you several gold scars in kindergarten and Sesame Street may have criminally promoted the idea that “one of these things is not like the other, can you guess which one before I finish my song,” was of epic importance but no …it really isn’t.  That you can surf the internet and identify and mouse click on all  the shiny and sparkly pink things is  awesome … for you.  I am sure the people in your life are really happy about that achievement.  You can’t see me right now, but I am clapping for you, I promise.

I am not sure putting 50 posters on each board threatening people who visit your account is the way to go, but I can assure you that having one of those poster pictures as a frog that has all kinds of watermarks over it – meaning you are supposed to PAY to use it – is definitely NOT the way to go.  That’s YOU actually really stealing someone else’s work.

I think the point of Pinterest was to share.  They actually want people to post things on their accounts that other people will like and want to repin.  Otherwise it would be sort of like opening an art gallery with awesome easels in everyone’s specially reserved room and not having any pictures.  No-one would come to that art gallery, no sane person would offer to hang their art in that gallery and they would be bankrupt in no time.   Oh, and probably on some list on the internet featuring the dumbest business ideas ever.

I doubt many strangers show up at your house just to see you and hang out.  The problem is most people don’t see you and they don’t know anything about you.  Even if you put your name and a Photoshopped picture of you from 10 years ago when you were much thinner, wrinkle free, and had a great hair day . . . it is not likely enough to pull people in off the street.  Certainly not people who are living across the world from you.

So Pinterest had this cool idea that if people pinned things they liked and were interested in, other people who liked the same things would be attracted to their site and perhaps people would get to know one another and magic would happen.  Oh, AND, people might learn a few things, share information and support on how-to’s and it would be a win win for the people and for Pinterest.

Think of it like getting a truck load of decorations and party supplies, all the cool kid toys, AND the circus put up in your front yard.  NOW, there is a slight chance someone from off the street is going to stop and say “Hey, I love what you have done with your clowns!”

People are pretty visual.  “A picture is worth a thousand words,” right?  You could write about yourself and what you like but the that would be a dating site, wouldn’t it?  And everyone lies about liking long walks on the beaches and how much they weigh on those things.  BUT imagine if someone filled out a profile for a dating site and then was really angry that people were reading it and asking them out on dates.   Again you can’t see my visual aids here, but I am holding up a broken pencil.  You could say it is “point-less,” not unlike joining a site to share pictures and then getting mad that people want to share pictures.

I am going to give you a few moments to think about that.

I can hear the whining already.  I told you I’ve done this already remember?  A couple of Pinters, ledge, they insisted on jumping, no safety net as the firemen were back at the station on Pinterest stealing more than 4 pins at a time . . .  I know the whole argument.  Pinters reluctantly agree people can repin their pics but ONLY a few at a time.  That is why you see women everywhere sitting in front of their computer screens, staring at the stop clock  in front of them, waiting for “a time” to pass so they can pin some more.  Well, the polite ones do that.  The rest are at the therapists, hysterical that they have been “blocked” and their lives are now over.

So let’s sum it up.  Some nice people come to your site and they LIKE some of the pics you have done.  You know that because they repin some of your pics.  But that makes you mad.  So you restrict the numbers and force them to come again and again if they want to “like” your stuff.  You force them to hit the “like”button before they take, and you force them to follow you if they want to take more, and you put up nasty posters accusing them of not being polite or “knowing” things like how Pinterest works on the planet you and your fellow Nazi-Pinters inhabit.  I get it.

No I don’t.

My mind goes to ok, I want 200 pics from you.  That makes you mad.  I can either take the 200 when you  are not looking and get banned so I can’t take anymore  or I can play the “I am your prisoner” game and take the 200 I originally saw slowly over time, 4-5 at a time, and keep coming back and taking more until I have all your pictures.  I am not sure you can see what is wrong with that logic, even though I am clapping out the words and saying them reallly slowly.  (waving the broken pencil again)

See I pin, not seriously, but I have a few boards.  When I am looking around and I come across your Pinterest etiquette posters I just think, “what a loser, get over yourself,”  and I move on to other pictures.  I don’t want to know you.  And hearing that there are now “gangs” of these people where if one blocks you, they all do, makes me wonder  what Junior High Course includes playing on the computer as part of it’s curriculum.  If people pin from me, I sometimes actually go to look at their profile and see if they have anything I like. I may not friend them but I grow fonder of them in subtle ways that can’t be measured.

You do know there are all kinds of ways for people to take every one of your pics without you ever knowing about it, right?  I am sorry, did I type that out loud?  (insert sound of bubbles bursting here)

So here are two simple suggestions that may save you … and me, from all this grief.  Firstly you could just actually MAKE the stuff or take the pictures of things you own and load that onto your boards, in which case, put up all the signs you want and complain away.  You should get credit for it because it is YOURS!  I still think it is a pointless exercise but I might respect you a little more.  The best solution is to simply copy the pictures onto your own computer.  Arrange them into categories and open them up and look at them whenever you want in all their glory, knowing not one other person is ever going to be able to SEE your precious pictures let alone repin them.  You can make up numbers about viewings and likes to your friends if you have to – how is anyone ever going to be able to check?  You will always be the number one pinner.

The added bonus is that when the internet is down, you can still look at them.

You did know that right, that if the internet goes down, or Pinterest shuts down because they are tired of all the whining … “your” pictures and all that talent and hard work …. Are … Gone ….?  You knew that right?

(insert sound of more bubbles bursting . . .

. . . and wailing . . .

. . . and gnashing of teeth . . )

Happy Pinning. :)

(tags not used but appropriate:   finding out your friends can and do read, I no longer have any friends, ex-friends with weapons,  I can now only see 3 people’s boards on Pinterst, what to do with your extra free time now that you have been banned by everyone on Pinterest)

Invisible Scars – Tonya Lee Wins Victory in Child Abuse Case

 

Tonya Lee

http://www.smh.com.au/national/rolf-harris-victim-tonya-lee-cries-with-relief-over-guilty-verdict-20140701-zsso0.html

I have purposefully not titled this with Rolf Harris’s name.  I am happy to publicize his shame and make sure that he gets as much disgust as he once received accolades but I am tired of the story being about the abuser, in that we forget that victims and the cost to their lives.

Rolf Harris was found guilty of indecently assaulting 4 girls between 1968 and 1986.

http://www.abc.net.au/news/2014-07-01/rolf-harris-guilty-of-indecently-assaulting-four-girls/5542644

His sentencing will occur shortly.

I hope that the court will take into account how, when confronted with these charges, he did not stand up and own his shame.  He did not spare the victims further pain.  He went to the public and counted on their support to convince the legal system that he was innocent.

http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/rolf-harris-arrest-friends-family-1842521

I would like to also address all those people who weighed in with their support for Rolf Harris.  Based on???  He is an entertainer that they liked?  Did any of them consider the pain their public – in your face – support caused the victims?  Perhaps they should have waited for the facts before jumping in.  I think it would be appropriate for someone to hold those people accountable.  It would be awesome if they could do it for themselves . . . but I have my doubts.

Here is my issue with child abuse.

When the child is missing, their picture is plastered everywhere and people cry in outrage.  When the child is rescued, people weep for the poor kid and what they have been through.  When a predator is caught and we hear that children were abused, we cry foul.  We fight against sexual predators, we don’t want them in our neighbourhoods, we caution our children about them constantly.

But sexual abuse does not go away once the predator is charged and sentenced.  It doesn’t end when the jail term is up.  It doesn’t magically disappear when the child becomes an adult.  But no-one really cares about the adult who was once a child victim.  No-one wants to hear about their continued struggle and we often put them in positions of having to talk about the most horrific thing that ever happened in their life, in order to get the care they need.

Consider the woman who goes to the dentist and explains they need to be put out for work done on their mouth, that they have a fear that goes beyond the normal fear of needles etc.  The dentist will argue with her and try to convince her he can make it painless, he will be gentle, etc.  She tells him again it has nothing to do with pain or needles.  She tries, she is very uncomfortable being in the chair with people standing over her.  He will argue more.  Finally she will have to tell him she was abused when she was a child.  You will be surprised how many dentists ignore that as “get over it, that was over 20 years ago.”  She will then have to try and convince him how bad it was, maybe even giving details.

You would be surprised how many times these issues come up for survivors of abuse.  With doctors, business situations, social events … it is humiliating.  I recently spoke to one woman who had to cancel a required medical procedure because the doctor had no compassion for her when she told him that it was that specific test done a few months earlier that brought back the memories of her abuse.  In her desperation to get this asshole to have compassion for her she told him how the head of the Child Sex Crimes unit had resigned after the case, from the PTSD he suffered dealing with it.  The doctor still refused to alter how they did the test.  It was not his problem.  He told her to decide how important the test was to her.

Families and friends can be just as cruel.  They want the person to get over it.  They don’t want to hear about it, and they hold the person to a level of behaviour that is not fair considering the abuse.  A child who was a victim often goes on to be sexually inappropriate or to struggle with their sexuality.  They may have addiction problems and even difficulties with the law.  We forget that these people will take years to learn to manage their physical, emotional and spiritual reactions to the abuse.  We can understand how, if someone is in an accident they might lose an arm.  We do not expect them to grow a new arm.  At best, they learn to navigate life with a prosthetic arm.  But the reality is there.  They lost an arm.  The impact of that is there.  Sexual Abuse causes a spiritual wounding just as real as a physical one that causes someone to lose an arm.  It is there.  A person can learn to cope but the reality is permanent.

Tonya Lee is who I will focus on when I hear anything about Rolf Harris.  I will do this because she is a survivor whose healing was delayed because there was no justice for her abuse.  She had to carry the secret for years, probably many people would not believe her.  Rolf Harris had a choice, to abuse or not.  He had a choice to stop or not, to not pick other victims.   He had a choice when he committed the acts and he had a choice when the victims came forward to do the right thing, admit his wrong, take his punishment and stop thinking only of himself.  Instead he abused without any compassion for the children crying in pain and fear.  He acted without any consideration for the betrayal to his family, or his fans.  He acted with cowardice, more concerned about his own self than in doing the right thing.  He had choice, then and now.  He has proven who he is.  Now Tonya has some ability to move forward.  She is the face of this.  The tragedy is not that Rolf Harris was/is a pig.  The tragedy is that Tonya Lee was abused and denied justice for this long.

I hope that all of you will consider those in your life who have been abused, as children, now adults … and realize that you can keep them in pain and shame with your actions or lack of compassion or you can open the doors and allow them to heal. It will take time, it will be painful.  Their souls are damaged.  They need unconditional love and support to find a way to move forward and leave the abuse with the abuser.

Please let us start looking at the survivors and putting our efforts into supporting them, and not just for the five minutes they are on the evening news.

Faking Facebook, Faking Life.

 

I saw this video this morning and had to comment.

Social media has become this world where we are virtually attending our high school reunions, except on a much grander scale.  Yet instead of  just one night where we create an illusion to “in your face” to all who scoffed at us or treated us bad in high school, we have every day.  We get to filter what people see and to a large extent, what they think.  Our “profile page” on any available media, becomes this perfect view of who we are and perhaps, more than anything else, it is a sad reflection on our own opinion of ourselves.  We can’t allow ourselves to just be us, we have to present what we think will make others “like” us.

Ahh those elusive “likes” that prove to the world that we have worth.

And then of course the 50 million social media experts who will tell you sneaky ways to get more likes, that have nothing to do with being honest, or improving any business you are trying to promote.  The business (or you) is irrelevant – all hail being “like”ed.

Those perfect pictures, life lived to the fullest, beautiful people everywhere, everything is a success, happy happy happy.  Dozens of people egging you on, cheering, some standing on their chairs clapping … all of them like trained seals .. hoping if they clap for you it will accomplish 2 things … that everyone will think they are “like”ing your activity because that is their life too and the most important one … that you will “like” them in return.

If it was sincere, you would find random things that people with almost no followers at times getting a hit out of the ball park.  We all say or do something brilliant at some time … but no … the popular get more sheep people and it goes on and on.

But the saddest part of this video is not that people do this, it is that as soon as you are honest, or you might actually NEED someone, or God forbid you say something that everyone does not agree with … you are muted in some way.  We are CHOOSING to connect with one another at the most superficial, fake level possible.  We want picture perfect lives that will cause others to envy us so that we can sit alone in our normal lives and feel completely alone because we can never have a real relationship and risk someone finding out the truth.  We are CHOOSING to isolate ourselves and be miserable.

Life is not perfect.  So what.

People are not perfect.  So what.

Relationships are a two way street.  Sometimes you have to give and sometimes you receive.

The packaging of life is irrelevant on any meaningful scale.

Being popular is not listed in any religious text or worthy life pursuit as the key to anything other than the delusion that you are better than someone else. Popular is in this moment, in this arena . . . it does not carry over to another arena.  Think about it.  You may have been wildly popular in high school.  When you got into University did anyone care or even know about it?  Life is the same way.  Screen shots of your update with 1000 “likes” is not a practical way of dealing with the loneliness of having no-one in your life in your twilight years.

The best friend you can have would never blindly “like” everything you say and clap over the fact you had sushi for dinner.

It is in the tough strokes of life that we often make the most meaningful connections and form lasting relationships.  It is in being willing to see and react to the pain of others that we discover our own hearts and our capacity for love.

You can blame Facebook, Google .. any of them for the state we are in but we are the consumers.  They provided a tool and we are the ones using it.  Just as easily as we have used it to create this surface, ridiculously empty illusion of connection, we could use it to bring into our lives more purpose, deeper understanding, and greater friends.

You just have to stop.

Decide what kind of person you want to be and represent that.  Be real.  We are all just real people, flawed and broken, healed and dynamic.  Our super powers are not in being the most beautiful, or having the most expensive house, or traveling and eating incredible food … our super powers in our ability to love ourselves, and one another.  You cannot have one without the other.  So start with yourself.

Be honest.

Make your connections mean something more than just a number that tells you each day your lies are “like”ed.

 

Super Tony The Wonder Boy – He’s Exactly Like Jana.

super tony

  I once had to call a time out in one of the most crucial games for a girls team I was coaching.  There was less than a minute left in the game and we were tied.  The girls raced off the floor to get their instructions.  In the middle of revealing my urgent master plan for us to win,  one of the girls interrupted … “Mrs. Appleford?”

“Yes Jana?”  I admit my voice was probably not warm and inviting.  I had tried to ignore her without success.  She was waving at me and dancing up and down as she bobbed in and around the other players trying to get in my direct line of view.

“Ummmm …. this weekend?  ” every few words ended on an up note like she was asking a question which was exactly why I was trying to ignore her.  It took her forever to get out three words.    “ummmmm?   Like my caaaaat?   she ummm?????   she had kittennnns?”  She was looking around at everyone, aware she was finally the centre of attention.  My mind was racing to connect cat birth and basketball, to find some relevance in the words that were dropping in slow motion all over the gym floor.  Meanwhile my hands were making small circles trying to hurry her along as I scanned to see how many parents were watching and worried that my smile might not be hiding how aggravated I felt .  She ignored my hand movements and went slower.  I started fluttering them faster and faster until I looked like a baby bird about to take off.

“Ya .. and ummm … liiiike ??… she had kittennnns? . . .  and ummm???…. ” she was looking up at the ceiling and twisting the one corner of her jersey as she talked,  “liiiike … 3 kitttttens? . . . and ummm? . . . one of them was blackkkk? … and ummm??? ….  like … one was ummm? . . .  whiiiite?”  Her eyes rolled back off the ceiling to look at all of us standing there, girls sweating profusely, puffing, sucking back water, me with my clipboard and forgotten diagram tucked under my arm, waiting …. I couldn’t fake it any more.

I looked at her shaking my head in disbelief, my hands upturned towards her as if ready to catch any type of meaning.  “and?????” “ya … Hehehehehehehe . . . It was soooo funny …” Jana was laughing like a clapping seal making weird snorty noises.  Everyone else was just blinking . . . and blinking.  “Please God, ” I prayed, “Don’t let anyone ask her about the third kitten.”

That was it.  The buzzer went, timeout was over, the girls had to get back to the game.

All I could do was pray that somehow black and white kittens and the numbers 3 and 1 were code for some complex basketball play and that the other girls would know what it meant, execute it, and we would win the game.

We didn’t.

Tony Abbott is exactly like Jana except without any fluffy baby kittens.  Jana at least had half a chance of winning someone over.  People can be won over if you have enough fluffy baby kittens.

Here he is, the current captain of team Australia, one of the exciting teams that has a shot at the championship and he believes he has the answer for everything, even though he has no idea what the questions are or what anyone else is talking about.  He makes no sense.  And I want to throttle him.

His cat had kittens and everyone else is playing basketball.  He has no idea how completely ridiculous he sounds.

He is the reason mother’s everywhere should stop telling their children that they can grow up to be anything they want to be.

He is the reason why we should stop promoting the idea that everyone who shows up at the game, who sits on the team bench, has to be given a turn to play.  Clearly some people should be birthing kittens instead.

He is the reason everyone who votes should not let the pencil lead be sharper than their grasp of politics, unless they are going to provide said pencil to sane people after idiots are elected so that decent human beings can poke themselves with the pencil in their eyes.  It is far less painful that having to see him on the evening news while visiting Canadia.

He is the reason why speedos should be banned everywhere and proof that men’s brains are not always in their heads and that they can be damaged by wearing bathing attire that is too tight.

Perhaps, if no-one is getting into Australia while he is Prime Minister, no-one should be going out either … as in, HE should not be allowed to leave the country any more.  It is called damage control.

Can we get one of those child harnesses remade to fit him?  I am sure his wife knows how to crochet.  Perhaps she and their women’s church group could make Tony a leash.  It would truly benefit humanity and I am sure they could get more tax breaks.  Tony likes church women who stay home and crochet. Who do you think does his speedos?

I have ruined more than one evening meal spewing my food when he casually announces that he can solve global warming.  Funny how it is always after he has excused himself for a bit and returns looking refreshed with a bit of toilet paper stuck to his shoe.

Super Tony.  According to him, he can save the world from everything.   Jesus said … “the dumb will speak.”

There is a reason for the speedo after all.  The man is not just beefcake in latex.  It goes well with tights and a cape and if people would just get out of his way, he will save us.    He is standing near a telephone booth right now, waving, dancing up and down, bobbing in and out amongst the other people trying to get in your direct line of vision.  He is the great white hope.

Between him and Bindi Irwin .. . they have it all in hand.