Category Archives: Commentary

Rants, Political, Social Issues, Opinion

Diagnosing Mental Disorders – The Work is Finally Done!!

DSM Celebration

It is official! The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders has finally waded through the sea of human emotions and responses and identified one single state of being that is considered an acceptable, healthy response to life. After centuries of ill health where people experienced everything from sadness to happiness, experiencing depression, being moved by works of art, outraged over world events, grieved at the loss of loved ones .. . after all the happiness and love, jealousy and contempt . . . there will be sanity and order and calm. With only one emotional response human beings will finally be healthy. Of course, it should come as not surprise to any of us that the winner is “being offended.”

For years it was assumed that “love” was going to be the only emotion left standing, but over the recent years people turned their back on love to dedicate their lives to taking offense at everything they possibly could, and working tirelessly to enact laws to force people to acknowledge their discomfort. How that work just exploded into a global passion , well … is nothing short of miraculous. Continue reading Diagnosing Mental Disorders – The Work is Finally Done!!

Grammar Police, The WORST Kind of Trolls.

grammar police

The beauty of grammar is that you get to use it. You can write everything perfectly and impress the shit out of people who care about that thing. You can enter grammar competitions and win a trophy for being the best grammar person ever. You can decorate your home in grammatically correct needlepoint and cross stitch. You can have your own website or blog where everything is grammatically perfect. You can get a job where people will pay you to fix their grammar and may even like that you do it and appreciate you for it. You can work with children who are learning grammar and help them to learn the right way to do it. But note that these will not be all children or all people, just those who actually want to learn how to do it right AND who think they can work with you because your approach is worth paying for.

But you don’t get to police the world or tell other people what they should or should not be writing. Continue reading Grammar Police, The WORST Kind of Trolls.

No Room Left in The Inn.

Forced

Some discussion and information on plans for forced sterilization:

Women Prisoners Sterilized to Cut Welfare Costs in California.

Schools Implant IUD’s in Girls as Young as Sixth Grade Without Their Parents Knowing.

Proposal to Temporarily Sterilise All NZ Teenage Females Should Raise Serious Red Flags

Bill Gates Foundation Announces Implantable Remote Controlled Contraceptive Microchip That Can Last Up To 16 Years.

Over the past few years the cries for forced sterilisation have reached a fevered pitch. People are talking population control and the need to stop third world countries from reproducing.  Of course some people are kinder than that, they insist they are empowering the women and giving them opportunities even though you seldom here about the part of that plan that follows, forced birth control or sterilisation.   Others suggest they are doing the world a favour by helping to reduce the growing population which the earth can no longer support. Whatever the reasoning, population reduction is always about “other” people, usually the poor, who should have their numbers reduced for the greater good of us all. The rest of us carry on procreating at will.

And I am not trying to control anyone.  If you have an idea that you want to put forward, then do it, but strip away the candy coating to try and make it more palatable.  Take away all the misdirection that suggests it is about some other, more noble cause.   Continue reading No Room Left in The Inn.

The Manual For a Perfect Marriage.

ever after

I could write a book about how to have a great marriage. I could take full credit for the fact I married my best friend. I could talk about it in some way that convinces others that I know and that I am an expert because, look at my success. I could do that and gather up all the focus on me and get involved in people’s lives and tell them how to do it. What would I care, really? After I get past the point where I have dozens of people in my workshops or thousands attending my speaking engagements and buying my book, I don’t even see the cause and effect anymore. I have my reward for being able to put myself out there and gain “fame.”

The truth is I lucked out. I could just of easily have ended up with a psychopath. I could have ended up with an addict or just a ho hum guy who was as bored with life as I sometimes get and so we sat through the years and bored each other to death … literally.  I say “literally” because I see so many older couples who occupy time and space together, but share nothing.  They endure to the end in that state of emptiness. Continue reading The Manual For a Perfect Marriage.

Aussies and Canucks Are Racists?

what did you say I am not a racist. I don’t alter the way that I treat someone based on their ethnicity.  Growing up on the prairies of Canada, I was not exposed to many people of other colours so perhaps that accounts for the reason I don’t see colour.   I had little experience with different ethnicities, good or bad, so when I moved away from the prairies I was open to those relationships.

It has never been my intention to offend someone based on the colour of their skin.   I have been offended by people who do cruel and unkind things, be they any colour.  And I have been treated differently, in a negative way, because of the colour of my skin or the way I look and for what I believe.

I have had complete strangers come up to touch myself or my children because of the very blonde hair, like we were an exhibit in the zoo. I have had people physically and verbally attack me because of my religious beliefs and because of my stand on things. I have been threatened in a store that I was shopping in, where I was the only white person. I have been denied service and left to the very last to be served even though I was at the front of the line. I was again, the only white person. I am sure the people who did those things based on my skin colour did so because they assumed I was racist and they were “giving back” what they felt they had been given. But I was not threatening to them, did not know them, had never done anything to offend “their people.”

When I talked about it, the advice I was given? Keep your head down, do not look at them. If I looked at them I could be considered as being “rude,” and “confronting.” But if I didn’t look at them I WAS being rude. I failed miserably . . . I can’t not see people.

I am tired of all the stupidity regarding this.

My grandfather came to Canada from Sweden. I am not Swedish Canadian. I am Canadian. I have no knowledge of what Sweden is like. I have never been there. I have seen pictures, seen it in movies. I have met relatives from there. I know some of the traditions that my grandfather continued. I have eaten some of the food – most of which I am not terribly fond of. I would never claim an allegiance to Sweden to purport to speak for them or represent them in any way. Whatever the struggles they have had as a people are not mine. I was born in Canada. I led a life of privilege with Canadian struggles that are not even representative of ALL of Canada, but that might be similar to other kids, whose religious, wealthy, grandparents raised them, on a dairy farm on the prairies of Alberta.

I have never taken it upon myself to speak for that group, of which I could be considered a part of. If someone in that group was accused of a crime, I would not feel the need to speak to it as if I had some special understanding of their guilt or innocence.   I would not think I could speak to the circumstances of anything about their lives really. “My people,” picking from all the groups you could assign me to, have good and bad people that operate in all kinds of life’s arenas. There is no huge paintbrush to colour them in one solid anything.   “My people,” are not always right.  They are not always the victims;  they are not always innocent.

I have never spoken up for any white person who has been accused of a crime just because they share my skin colour. I have not done it even when I have been aware of people who were falsely accused or killed. I have, however spoken up for people I know, situations I know, issues that are important to me …. but never based on race.

We are so hogtied with political correctness that we never seem to get to the heart of the issue of anything anymore. EVRYTHING gets swallowed up in accusations of racism or freedoms. Years ago I wrote an article where I said that individual rights have to comply also with the greater good and survival of the whole. If each of us are so busy claiming and fighting for our own individual rights, there is no other outcome except for us to all be at war with each other.  My completely self serving rights are eventually going to infringe on yours.  I may not want to stop at a traffic light because I have an important meeting to go to and so I drive on through, not caring that by so doing I could possibly take away from several other people’s rights.  Others might need to be somewhere as well.  Other people may want to live or to live free from any physical disability caused by my choice.   There is NO way for human beings to survive if we approach life that way. It is only when we each take it upon ourselves to recognize and uphold the rights of everyone else, with everyone else doing the same, that the right of the individual are protected.

What we see today is the isolation of every group and of individual trying desperately to hold on to their rights, in acts of war against one another. The police and the racial targeting is a perfect example. No officer should ever racially target anyone. If people are killed or mistreated because of their race, THAT has to stop. But we don’t stop it by completely trashing all police officers.

I am not allowed to call an African American “black” or “negro.” And yet I am constantly referred to as “white” or “caucasian,” both terms that correlate with the first two. Why is it ok for me to be referred to with those two type of terms ? Why is offensive for me to use the terms when I describe them?  African Americans call each other “nigger” but I am not allowed to use it because I am not African American. When you have a set of rules imposed against a group because of their colour – isn’t that racism? Only in this case the “white” person would be the victim. If I said that there was a term that African Americans were not allowed to use, I would be in real trouble.

Here in Australia, Aboriginals are Black. New Zealand has the famous “All Blacks.” There are other races that are considered “Black.” They are not Americans. “African American” is not an effective term. Most African Americans who reside in the USA are generations removed from anyone living in Africa. They are Americans. Isn’t that the point? Do we need to have separate terms? We don’t feel the need to identify a”white” person we are referring to by defining them as red-heads, blondes or brunettes, so do we have to refer to human beings as black, white or brown, etc??

As a Canadian I am frequently referred to as a “Canuck.” Americans are often called, “Yanks.” Australians are “Aussie’s.” We call each other that, we laugh about it, we embrace it . . . .   I always thought of it as kind of an affectionate way of referring to one another like when your family gives you a nickname. I considered it to be a good thing, a sign of friendship. Almost every country in the world has a shortened version of their name.  But if you call someone from Pakistan a “Paki,” suddenly you are being racist.  How does that work?

My point is none of the names we choose make sense to use and none of the ones we do not allow make much sense not to allow.  My point is we all come from different parts of the world with different experiences and I can’t possibly know or understand your struggles anymore than you can understand or know mine.  You can’t expect me to, and I am not going to have you make them mine. I am not going to live my life holding everyone’s else’s struggles, sensitivities and insecurities up like a light standard to forever control my life.  I am not throwing offense or racism all over the place.  If you happened to find some, then IT IS NOT MINE!.  It belongs to someone else.

Expecting everyone else in the world to think and act exactly like you do is arrogant.  I am not “African American” so I cannot understand what their life is like, but guess what?  I am not American either.  The race problems in the USA are part of their history but I am willing to bet that many of the people who preach about how they are offended that I don’t live as if “slavery” was part of my history, don’t know much about the plight of the Japanese in Canada?  Or the forced institutionalization of our First Nations people?  What do you know of the French-English struggle in Canada?  Not much?  I wouldn’t expect you to.

When land has been destroyed, has been used for garbage or perhaps a house exists where people were murdered or tortured, we most often respond by removing the house, tilling the land under and building a garden, a new house, or a memorial. We “cut out” the visual reminder and replace it with one that is healthy and beautiful, one that aids in the healing.   The twin towers in New York City are a perfect example.  Why can’t we do that with this situation instead of staying fixated on the stinking mass of garbage that has been dumped, the building that housed mad men, the instruments of torture and the bodies of the dead?

There is no healing if we are forever going to stand around and look at the wound, picking at it, never letting it heal. Move forward. We are all human beings, period. We choose to live in love and peace. Perhaps if we start from that premise, believing in our goodness instead of seeing negative intentions everywhere, we can begin to heal.

(I found this video today, a couple of weeks after I wrote this blog post.   It covers a broader scope and talks about swearing, PC talk, etc but it is pretty much the same sentiment)

 https://youtu.be/KbG8DvRKoJw

Fathers, Children Need Them. What is Wrong With Us?

How many women play games with their child’s father, long after the split up and divorce, these women are still so fixated on “getting him” that some cannot move on and have a healthy relationship with anyone else. EVERYTHING is about the partner who is no longer with them. Hating them takes up their whole life and causes them to do everything they can to poison the child against that parent.

Years after the break up they are still telling anyone who listens that all the problems their child suffers with are caused by their father. If a child is not improving a couple of years after being removed from their “horrible father,” then perhaps the problem was not the father, but the mother.

When women go out of their way to cause problems or involve themselves in their ex’s life years after the split, for the single purpose of creating drama and problems for him, someone needs to be asking some serious questions about the mental state of these women and their suitability to be responsible for raising any child.

Zero Tolerance For Bullying.

zero tolerance

Zero tolerance.

You hear a lot of the schools talking about their stance on bullying but what exactly does it mean?

When I hear that, I expect that to mean that should someone bully, they will have to leave the school. There is no excuse for it, no allowance for it to happen, and the school will protect all the students by making sure none of them are ever bullied, BUT, if it should happen, they will take responsibility, learn from it, and remove the bullying child OR insist that child get professional help that results in a change of behaviour. One incident -warning with help offered, second incident – they are gone.

It is not about zero tolerance for a child.  It is about zero tolerance for the act.  Too often we disallow important discussion on subjects because we lose sight of that subtle distinction.  We are not enacting discipline because of who did it, we are enacting it because of what was done.  Anyone who chooses that action would receive the same treatment.  It isn’t even about law or justice, it is the inherent right that every human being has to exist and participate and remain safe.  Those who choose actions that takes away from that sense must be removed.  And then, it is not up to the school to fix the offender or police their actions, it is up to the parents to get the child the help they need. Continue reading Zero Tolerance For Bullying.

Bullying Asperger’s

bullied

As many of you have already read, my grandson Noah, a 10 year old with Asperger’s, is currently in a psychiatric hospital because his only option to the bullying he suffered at school, seemed to be suicide.

He is perhaps one of the lucky ones.  I briefly heard a news report this week of another young boy with Asperger’s who had stabbed his bully.

We have started a group called Noah’s Ark for my grandson because now we must spend all our time trying to erase the damage caused and hoping to convince him that the bullies are the minority and that there are many good people out there in the world who care.  We also started a go fund page to help offset the cost for Noah’s family.  The victims are left with the damage and the costs.  The bullies are seldom taken to task.

Please join the group and offer words of encouragement to a little boy and please contribute if you can.

I found this incredible comprehensive article on bullying that I urge you to read.  Please spread the word.  This has to stop.

My Aspergers Child:  The Bullying of Aspergers Children

A sad fact: The majority of children with Aspergers will experience repeated bullying and/or victimization at school. Aspergers students are easy targets for a variety of reasons:

• Due to having a low social IQ, they let things build up …then retaliate without an awareness of what the consequences might be

• They appear different than their “typical” peers

• They are not always aware of teasing or bullying behavior

• “Intimidation” is not in their vocabulary

• The need to dominate or control others is not part of their personality

Aspergers children who are bullied are more likely to be depressed, anxious, and suicidal. They struggle in school (when they decide to show up at all). They’re more likely to carry weapons, get in physical fights, and abuse drugs. But when it comes to the actual damage bullying does, the picture becomes more clouded.  (read more by clicking link below.)

via My Aspergers Child: The Bullying of Aspergers Children.

You might also like:  Noah’s Fight Against His Bullies

Noah’s Fight Against His Bullies.

blog noah

It has taken me a few days to sort out my emotions enough to write about this.

On one hand I realize our story is just one of thousands being told daily. On the other hand our story is every bit as important as any other.   We all do what we can do.  I write.

My 10 year old grandson has Asperger’s. He is such an amazing boy.  In some ways he is an ancient soul contained in a red headed, somewhat awkward, pre-pubescent boy’s body and in others he is just a little boy who is scared and unsure.

He makes me laugh. We have Skype time as he is in the States and I am in Australia – and we talk about life and his dreams. We had made a special Skype date, he wanted to take me to his open house at his new school so he could show me where he would be and all of the cool things that were there. He was really excited about doing robotics.

He has an interesting perspective of the world. I listen and help him explore his thoughts. He reads me stories he has written, and he is really good. We talk about the book he wants to write this summer and he sends me bits and pieces for my approval. Sometimes I see he has tried to call me several times in one day and sometimes days go by. He likes it most when everyone else has gone out and we can talk privately in his room.

It is pretty awesome to know a 10 year old boy thinks you are cool and likes to hang out with you.

That is why when I found out that he has been repeatedly bullied until he wanted to take his own life and had to be hospitalized, I was devastated. Continue reading Noah’s Fight Against His Bullies.

How We View The World Around Us.

Capture

see the rest of this thought provoking post here:

             This just changed the way we see Beauty and the Beast. Mind blown.

I read this today and have to comment on it.

We are currently focused on bullying in social media and discussion about what is being done, what can be done, is typical of many of our approaches to our problems – we are talking band-aids – what kind and when to apply.  It isn’t easy to have to stop and take time to figure out actual causes – because knowing the cause requires much harder, long term work, than simply applying an effective, temporary band-aid.

Lots of discussion on loneliness lately as well.  We are now realizing the damage that prolonged loneliness can cause a human being.  At least we are waking up to the fact life is not just about the physical, immediate, identifiable, measurable situations that impact us.

Businesses spend a small fortune sending their employee’s to all kinds of courses meant to amplify their self esteem and pump them full of bravado about who they are and what they are capable of.  Yet, when they return from these courses, full of ideas and attempting to change and grow, the reaction of the office is usually one of “who the hell does he think he is?”

We don’t like people who are different, who think differently, look different, act different . . . and we especially do not like those people who are different and who feel good about themselves.

Those are the people most often targeted.

And they are attacked not with their own insecurities, but the insecurities of the people doing the attacking.  Weight may not be a remote concern for someone – not for them in terms of appearance, or for their doctor in terms of health – and yet the bullies will accuse that person of being “fat.”  People called “ugly” seldom are.  People called “sluts” or “stupid” seldom could be found guilty of either charge.

These marginalized people who are attacked by others have to be beyond strong to be able to carry on with their lives and believe in themselves when the whole world appears to conspire against them.  But they don’t have super powers and even the strongest person can be pushed to the point of wanting to just give up.

Giving up is not only about those who may choose to end their lives, although some do.  It is also about checking out of reality with drugs and alcohol and other addictions.  It is about surrendering and conforming to what is acceptable to the masses.  It is about bleeding out through your entire life, every last ounce of your own unique life force until you are a hollow empty shell that is lonelier than anyone will ever know . . . but at least you are no longer attracting the anger of the mob who wants to destroy you.

All around us are people in various stages of giving up.

So we go back to the real solution. I look around me.  My children are grown but there are still ways I can encourage them to be themselves.  I can do that by letting go of my expectations of who they should be and what they should be doing with their lives.  I can let go of my need to tell them the better way to do things and be more supportive of their own efforts.  I can let go of ever labeling them “right” or “wrong” or “good” or “bad.”  I can make the fact I have told them for their entire lives that my love is “unconditional,” actually mean something.

I have grandchildren that I can have a bigger influence on, and encourage their parents not to be so quick to insist they be like every other child.  To that end I say to hell with all the charts and books that tell us what “normal” is.  Your child.   Here and now.  Work with them.  Work with who they are and help them find a way to hold on to that and negotiate the things they need to learn.  Parents need to trust their instincts and to teach their children to develop and trust theirs.

I have people around me that I interact with all the time.  How do I contribute to their lives and support their efforts to interpret life in their own unique way?  How do I unwittingly contribute to any sense of judging or diminishing them?  Stop it.

I can speak up.  I can work to not be so closed minded about how I think things should look like or be.  My experience may hold clues that, contributed to a conversations, can aid the process of finding answers, but I can be more open to other ideas that are from the experiences of others.

I can find the courage to be me, even though it is painfully difficult.  No more compromises.  Perhaps it is too late for me to reap any of the rewards, but if it makes the way for the next person even a tiny bit easier, then it will be worth it.

WE are society.  And it is our thinking that is at fault.  Because we begin from a faulty thought process, our actions are off.

Our thinking is at fault because we have bought into beliefs and ideas that are not ours by choice, but those given to us by our parents and our upbringing.  We accept them without question and we transition from childhood to adulthood with all those things neatly wired into our beings.  Our perceptions.  We are part of a “way of thinking” that is reflected in how we then interpret the world and what we engage in and produce.  The world reflects back to us what we think.

We can change that reflection by changing our thinking.

What people have forgotten is who they are.  Who they were before the world told them who they should be.  Letting go of what we think we know is not as scary as it may seem because rediscovering our own hearts and giving permission to ourselves to be who we really are brings both joy and peace.

The more of us who have the courage to do that, the more others will feel encouraged to do the same and perhaps one day we will talk in terms, not of “blaming” society for the mess we are in, but “thanking” society for saving us.

Either way, we will be responsible.