“Self expression is a mirror we make to see our souls. If we cannot express ourselves, we lose sight of who we are. Fear stutters our self expression. Fear of failing, fear of being wrong. Fear of not being enough. The thorn of self criticism, sharpened with comparison, lodges in the side of our creativity, and the unique poetry we are stops singing. But there is no wrong way to be you. Practise non-violence towards yourself by letting go of comparison. Cultivate kindness wherever you meet doubts and fears. Acceptance draws the thorn out: acceptance of our unique perfection, of all the threads—the light and dark, mismatched colours and frayed ends—that weave together to make us so. With acceptance comes love, and love kisses the wound closed.” Quiet Lotus
I had this great, great aunt who I am sure was alive when prohibition was on and if she wasn’t .. she definitely felt cheated. It was her mission in life to tell other people what to do … including God. Like the day she died she called everyone and told them she had decided to die that afternoon and could they please come by in the morning so she could give them her last instructions … not about what to do with her .. about what we needed to do with ourselves. By 2:00 she was real pissed with God that He was running a little late and by 5:00 (fashionably late) she was finally on her way. She was a part of the non-silent, aged, religious majority in my life. … a NARM!!
If you were talking on the phone, it was not uncommon for her to pick up her line and cut in and start telling you about how to treat that cold (always involved some combination of obscure and common plants, food items and cleaning products that should be ingested and/or rubbed vigorously on your body) or why you shouldn’t talk like that and btw remember to tell Humpydora that the quilting bee was at her place next week. Hey,party lines were cheaper, phones were for practical use and no-one had time to just sit on the phone and chat for hours anyway so who cared? I cared deeply about my time on the phone, but as she pointed out, I didn’t count. Continue reading
“When an individual loses contact with the light of their soul, when its embers are covered, almost extinguished, that person loses the opportunity for spiritual evolution. They remain imprisoned in their patterns of behavior, in their own ego or instinctual self. Life continues, but an essential ingredient that gives meaning is lost. And what happens to an individual could also happen to the whole planet, if we lose touch with what is sacred, if we no longer care for the planet with the love and prayers it needs, with the rituals known to our ancestors.” Llewellyn Vaughan-Lee
We all have our own stories to tell of our childhood, some more damaging than others. I am still struggling to put together the words that can move the darkness of my childhood into the light, where I can finally and ultimately let it go and set myself free.
Sometimes it is difficult to do that, especially when so much effort was made to keep it all hidden.
But sometimes, it is easy to get stuck on the pain and to allow our anger or our sense of victimhood to wrap around us as if it were our very skin. We get lost. We forget who we are, and without the very people who were supposed to love, nurture and protect us, there is no-one to hold on to the memory of who we once were. Parents are meant to do that. They are meant to know and understand who we are and to hold that for us while we travel physically and emotionally through life, struggling to find ourselves. They are meant to be the touchstone of our lives that pull us back to the mirror where they say, “See, you are beautiful. You are capable. You are Loved.”
Somewhere in the forest of pain and sorrow that littered my growing up, I grew 8 ft tall and I stepped up to parent myself. I am not saying that I did everything perfectly. I doubt I did much of anything perfectly, but I did survive. Continue reading
“We believe and we hold our beliefs to be true and sacred until the day we discover that we were duped. The end of belief is a challenging moment. You feel lonely, unconnected, with nothing to hang on to. Your life becomes empty and aimless. You curse the day doubt entered your mind but you cannot undo the damage. You need to find a new direction for your life, something new to hang your hope on to continue living. And most of the time that thing is you. At that junction in life you will need to believe in yourself to continue living.” Bangambiki Habyarimana