I have always loved the people who tell me what I need to hear. That doesn’t make it hurt any less but it is the fact it does hurt that lets me know it is probably true and probably something I need to look at.
I worry when I do things that are wrong that I have hurt someone or made a situation worse. Someone once told me to grow a thicker skin … okay not just one, lots of people have told me that. I considered it. It would have made things much easier.
But in the end I decided that my thin skin is part of who I am, it keeps me from becoming too unkind, or complacent, or blind to the needs of others. It is my thermometer that tells me when I have crossed a line. It is my compass that guides my actions. It forces me to confront myself.
I have that voice inside of me so it is the only voice I know how to be.
I can silence it sometimes because that is the kindest thing to do, the needed thing . . .
I can silence it because people don’t always need or want answers. Most often I silence if because we are all meant to make our own journeys and find our own answers, driven by our own voices.
But, with those I love, those who are part of my life, I share. And I can’t lie or not care. It is ok if people need to hate me for awhile, or put distance between us, or a wall of silence even . . . none of that can make me unsay what was said. I won’t take it back or rearrange the words to make it prettier. I can’t offer a substitute that is more acceptable.
It is ok for us to sit with the words in a void between us because when I engage with people I care about I am not interested in being “liked” as much as I am about sharing something real and authentic. I am not interested in training clapping seals. I take my role in their lives very seriously. I need to love them so they know they are worth it. I need to encourage them to find their own strengths and talents and abilities so that they can truly be who they are, strong and on purpose.
Some people walk away completely and I know we have had our time and it is ok and whatever it was, was.
Life is a miracle once you let go of the need to attach the meanings, to control the outcomes … and just be. who. you. are.