The Chance to Renew.

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I like this because it reminds me I have a choice and choosing to be happy and move forward does not mean I don’t feel, or that I don’t need to deal with things.  I just don’t always need to do it with other people or in front of other people.  

It is a hard balance sometimes, being able to ask for help when you need it, but also being strong.  I find, for me, that others sometimes make things harder.  They want to help and they probably can, but I stubbornly have to figure things out myself, in my own way.  I can’t really own it and learn the lesson unless I do.  Sometimes that makes it more lonely and more painful than it maybe needs to be … but I understand that is just how it works.

There are times when other people’s victories just depress me.  It adds pressure to my already ridiculous idea that I must get this solved immediately.  They can do it, why can’t I?  What is wrong with me?  Sometimes their solutions fill my mind with limited ideas.  When I work from scratch I consider everything and anything.

This is not a right or wrong … just how I work, and because I know it . . . I do it.

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