This was a hard earned lesson for me. It took my husband dying for me to finally admit I did not have all the answers, I was not born in a super hero costume, and I no-one else ever expected me to take on that role. That is when I finally let go and admitted I had no clue what i was doing, I couldn’t do it all, and had to accept that the Universe was unfolding as it should without paying any attention to my whining.
I am grateful for that experience because in that moment that seemed hell and defeat and everything painful I could ever imagine, I also found peace. And in letting go I allowed myself, my husband, and our children, to be in charge of their own lives and to let the experience be what it needed to be. Now, years from that day I can see the greater wisdom than my own at work and the many lessons earned at the hands of a tragedy.
My point is it could have just been a horrific tragedy and I could be crying over it still.
Instead I see it as a gift that was afforded us by the experiences of life. I see it as a victory and a testament to a greater purpose and our own strength. I will forever see it as a reminder that I need to just let go and let it be.
This follows the quote above.
Once you stop needing to be in charge and orchestrating everything, you stop fighting against life and begin to bloom wherever you are planted. I never had to do a job I hated because I always found some way to make that job into something I loved. Sometimes I had to tell myself I was doing something different. Sometimes I had to look for some aspect of it to really take hold of, and learn from, and master and contribute to.
Accepting wherever you are allows you to engage in that place, and to strive to work with whatever and whoever life presents you with.
Now I am eager and I look around for the why. Why am I here? What am I meant to see? What am I meant to do.
It is amazing how different situations and people look when you are not looking at them as they are supposed to make you happy and you start to become part of the process of helping everyone be happy.
This comes up often when I counsel couples.
Can they learn to communicate what they want without NEEDING the explanation? Can it be enough for someone you love to say, “I need to do this?” Can you explain yourself, allow your partner to explain their view WITHOUT requiring surrender of the other?
Why does understanding always require one person compromise? Why are we so uncomfortable with people thinking differently than we do?
I stopped providing all kinds of reasonings for my actions and learned to just say “no, thank you.”
I don’t need people to understand me, to like me, to fix me.
I just need to be clear on answering their invitation. Or, I need to be clear that my actions are for me, the right thing to do, and should not influence their choice.
I can’t help that people FEAR or SPECULATE on what my motives might be.
I have to act with integrity to me and part of that is to accept that it is simply who I am and where I am on life’s journey. It is neither right or wrong, less than or better than. It just is. I will not be here tomorrow. I was not here yesterday. It is a movement, an evolving understanding.
And if that is me, then I have to accept that is you … and all of us … and to also let you be, without needing an explanation or a compromise.