I credit my husband for helping me to finally understand this on a practical level. He never engages in the unknown. He deals with things as they come up and is always confident of his ability to do so. We spend so much time speculating on what might happen and engaging our emotional response to that POSSIBILITY that we can create the very situation we most fear. We spend so much time being unhappy because it MIGHT happen instead of living our day, and knowing we will deal with what comes up when and if it comes up. I have found most times … it is never at all what we worry about and not putting all the energy into it prior to it happening, makes the situation so much less in its impact.
I enjoy my time. It is not putting things off or living in a dream world ala Scarlett O’Hara … it is actually living with purpose and intention and simply dealing with the circumstances of life once they occur and you have all the factual info and not what you conjure in your own head.
I think people need this modeled for them. They need to break the cycle of living in a toxic environment where there is always drama. Most importantly we need to create this in our family so our children learn how to cope.
We have talked about this quite a bit in our family. When you are doing something you know is right, you were meant to do, it is like your soul is on fire.
I also talk about it in terms of real connected meditation – you should feel completely and totally relaxed but not asleep. Your mind should be totally engaged and connected and on fire. You are connected to source. You are experiencing. You are learning.
Now I immediately feel when I lost that energy force. And I know I need to make time to reconnect, or alter my course of action. I sometimes feel that depletion around people and sometimes it is situations. This is a big departure for judging other or blaming them because they are who they are. I am not going to try and change them. I may try to explain what I am feeling but the work is on me and for me. I need to take care of me. I need to disengage. I should not be there. It is about correcting that – not trashing the person or situation. And sadly, there are times when I have to accept I cannot be around that anymore.
It still hurts when other people judge me wrongly but I am not going to change who I am or engage in a war with them. When I find myself slipping I remind myself I have a choice and it helps to put me back in the driver’s seat. I find a lot of the pain we experience comes from our feeling powerless in our lives and we really have to participate in that feeling. We ALLOW the circumstances and people to be in the driver’s seat. It is easy to shift that to deciding WE will not allow that. WE will make a decision as to how it is going to impact us and what access they have. And sometimes you do have to play little head games with yourself and “fake it until you make it.”
I might put a smile on and walk bravely across a situation even though inside I feel very fragile. Eventually I actually own the walk and it gives me more confidence and before I know it , it is all ok.
It always helps to have someone in your corner who loves you warts and all and can both offer you a shoulder to cry on and a gentle push back towards your strengths and purpose.
This comes back to living in the moment.
I am not sure why I have always been very aware of the process and loved it more than the final destination but I have.
I loved planning things, getting all the tools in place, and then the process. I love the point when I doubt everything I have done and it looks like a total failure and everyone is sure we will never make the deadline, or accomplish the goal, and how you have to fight through that, and connect so totally to the original vision and have faith in yourself. I love that leap.
And then you do something, almost by instinct, that suddenly pulls the painting together, or makes everything pop, or suddenly translates what is in your head into a reality other people can see. Then it starts to get a little sad for me because it is almost over.
And you hand over that finished product to its intended use and it becomes what it will be for others.
And I always like to check out before the accolades because I am uncomfortable with those. It is not about thinking I don’t deserve them, I just feel they are unnecessary in many instances. I want people to like what has been done, or be able to use it, or appreciate it … I don’t need or want them to put me on some pedestal AND I always feel like I am who I am because of so many different things that I don’t own. Like my ideas come from somewhere deep inside me that is connected to something so bigger than “me.” I am constantly inspired and improved by life and all of you so how can I stand there and own that like it is MINE??
Loving the process makes every moment priceless. It also keeps it all in perspective. A moment can suck, but it is only a moment and never the whole picture.