I try to remind myself that my knowledge is limited by my perceptions, my understandings and my experiences and that I can trust that there is much more than what I know, what I can see …
I try to move through the pain and disappointment to at least considering the possibility that there is something more, something better out there for me.
I try to accept the “no,” and to not take it personally.
Most times there is nothing personal in it. Even when you audition for something and they say “no” it is not so much they are rejecting me as it is that they have a specific type in mind and I do not fit that as well as someone else. They are not assessing your talent, they are looking at all their parameters, most of which, I have no way of knowing.
Moving through that disappointment to being open for the next opportunity really helps with realigning your perspective. It gets easier with time and I know for me, that sense of mastery where I get to decide my life helps me from feeling like such a victim and falling into that “whoa is me, nothing ever works out for me” syndrome.
This goes hand in hand with we are responsible for what we attract to ourselves. I try to own this as much as I can but I do argue with it somewhat.
There is crap that happens. People are victims of violent crimes and while we have lots of trendy “lists” that tell us how “not to be a victim,” the fact is sometimes it wouldn’t matter what you did, you were victimized through no fault of your own. If a bomb goes off in your building, it takes both the positive and negative people with it.
I get concerned when I hear people blaming themselves for things that fall into that category. Sadly, it is not just bombs that are indiscriminate, there are people who target others with their unkindness and negativity who are also like bombs in that regard. I think we have to really look at each situation and determine within ourselves what the truth is. Take responsibility when it is applicable.
A good clue for me is when what happened is a somewhat random, freak event as opposed to a repeating pattern. If there is a pattern, I am almost always involved in some way and need to have a good long look at how that is happening.
As to the direction of this particular quote, then being that what happens to us shapes us, HOW it shapes us is a choice we make. I choose not to let anything ever be a waste of time. If I am bored, I am grateful to know that this is not the type of thing I want to waste anymore time on and I usually try to find some other part of the experience to make it worthwhile – the people I met, a lesson learned, whatever…
Some people can’t apologize. Admitting they are wrong is so threatening to their fragile psyche they just cannot do it. Others say the words but there is no real understanding or intent behind what the words. Often these same people become the most passive aggressive frienemies you will ever have in your life. They will do everything to turn others against you and to undermine everything you do. They want everyone to look at you and hater you so that no-one sees their mistakes.
I always admire people who can step up and own their actions, apologize and work through the problem. THOSE are awesome people who usually end up life long friends, people you can really count on. Problems are inevitable if you have a real friendship because, let’s face it, none of us are perfect. Many “friendships” end at the first disagreement because there really is no commitment. BUT when the emotions are real, and it matters to both people to work it out, there is a chance to build a great relationship.
When that can’t happen you just have to realize you are on different pages and let it go. I try to focus on the great points of why we were once friends and accept that some people are not ready or wanting more than that. I love them, bless them, and let them go. Then I try to focus on moving on and not get caught up in any pettiness that might ensue. It is not my problem. The only important thing is that I have forgiven them. I cannot control what other people do or do not do, I can only control myself and that includes being able to say, this is not healthy or acceptable in my life.
Ditto for what I said above. Laughter is so healing. It really is. I love my sense of humour so very much. I love that I have kids that make me laugh and a husband who cracks me up and that we have wonderful friends whom we look forward to spending time with BECAUSE we can all laugh. I love laughing until my sides hurt and just being silly sometimes. I cannot even fathom a life without laughter.