I am not afraid to speak out, to risk not being liked or accepted. I do not hide when things get difficult. I am not afraid of life or people.
But there are times when things fall apart and times are rough that I do choose not to engage, and not to become part of the drama or the pain or the anger and I remove myself. I don’t like to think of it as being above it , but rather of being away from it. I focus on the wind in my own wings, the song in my own heart, the peace and the quiet I choose to create for my life.
I know that others have drama and that it seems like their world is ending and all is lost and I can feel compassion but also realize there is nothing I can do to help them and that I cannot immerse myself in it. Sometimes I know that to allow that would be dangerous for me. Sometimes I must insist on not being sucked in to it all because I know that it will take far too much of me away with it.
When I find myself in the quiet with the storm raging around me I am reminded of my brother and I building forts in the hay and how we always built a hidden room – a safe room where he and I could be. It was a place we simply went, knowing no-one could reach us. We did not talk of our shared pain. We never spoke of the evil that stalked our childhood, we simply lay in fetal positions, occupying the smallest space we could and we breathed in and out and clung to the sens of safety.
I choose to take that place with me into adulthood. It is the place I retreat to where no-one can enter and nothing can touch me and sometimes it is the only answer to a world raging with hate and anger. I will not fight and feed the hate. I will not fear.
I will be at peace.