Today’s Food For Thought

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I get tired of people blaming things on other people.

My life became so much less complicated when I finally accepted I am totally and completely responsible for me.  I may not get to control everything that happens to me and gosh knows there are a lot of horrible people out there volunteering to be nasty and mean, but I sure as heck get to control what I ALLOW to impact me.  I wouldn’t allow some stranger walking by to step into my house and tell me how to decorate, why on earth would I allow them to have any influence on who I am as a person?

I can love people without allowing them to take the drivers seat in my life.

I have people I care about enough to try and help them understand some of the things I do, but if they cannot or they cannot support my choice, it is not going to impact the decision I made.  I learned a long time ago to make decisions for me and not for the crowd that gathers, hoping they will applaud my choice and thereby PROVE that I did the right thing.  Learning that also taught me to stop looking for them to back me up when I am wrong.  No matter how many of them might say I did the right thing, when I know I did not, that is all that matters.

I am the one who holds back my own hair when I have to throw up in the middle of the night because my life has become toxic.

Some people think I am too much an introvert.  I insist on time alone.  I insist on a lot of time alone.  It is not because there is something wrong with me or because THAT is the way we should all be living … it is because that is what I need.

I have just recently come to understand how important that base is for me.  I need that quiet, that time to study, to work on creative endeavors of thought and physical output.  I need time with people who share their process and findings because it challenges and inspires me.

I no longer know how to be around people who choose to live their lives with lies and excuses, who use love as a weapon, who thrive on drama and pain.  I love some of these people but I cannot have them in my life.  I used to feel guilty about that, like I should be a bigger person,  and then I found myself pursuing the question of why and realized  . . . there is no good reason.

I am making soul choices now.

I don’t care so much about the colour of the walls in my house as I care about the feeling in me.  I work hard to feel peace and to extend peace to others.  I engage in speaking out against those things that wound my soul because they are important to me.  I care about others.  But you cannot be truthful to and about others if you are not truthful to yourself and living a life of avoidance and side stepping your own personal responsibility for your life creates this insidious cancer that keeps things in a state of chaos.  In chaos there is no silence.  Without silence there is no peace.  Without peace there is no love – in the true essence of the word.

I choose love.

I am responsible for my choices.

It is not my choice to not have people in my life, I am not focused on eliminating.  I am moving forward and some people, because of their choice (or lack of) put themselves where my life and theirs cannot intersect.  I feel that loss but when the choice is losing them or losing me, I am only responsible for me.

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