Many people find it hard to allow others to love them because they do not love themselves. Like me, the messages from childhood concerning who we are and our value, are carried with us into adulthood and it takes some thought and effort to change deeply imbedded ways of thinking … or ways of being. Long after the parent, or bully, or teacher has disappeared from our lives, no longer having any access let alone power over us, we enforce the “rules,” inflicting them on ourselves with a cruelty that often surpasses our childhood.
We are the ones reminding ourselves that we do not deserve love. We use the same voice that conjures the fear and demands our compliance.
We sabotage our own happiness and force ourselves to pay cruel prices for any deviation.
Often our search to end the dysfunction leads us face to face with the child we once were. That part of us asks difficult questions with the honesty and simplicity of a child. They are questions we often have devoted our lives to avoiding.
It takes more than letting go or even knowing you want something different. It takes a “vomiting up of all the negativity and vulnerability.” We must let go of and reject all the poison. We must rid our bodies of it and then take time with compassion and gentle quiet to allow us to recover. We must choose people and situations in our life that feed us and build us and help us gain our strength again. This is where many people falter. We assume that once we are willing to look inside that healing should be instantaneous and that we should move from zero to hero in one wave of our hand. We replace our lack of love with an overabundance of expectation so that we will fail and the message will inevitably come to us in the dark of the night when we are tossing in our beds, unable to sleep. “See, you are simply not worthy of love.”
Fight the darkness. Fight the voices. Vomit up the lies. Then cocoon yourself, your heart, your life . . . so that your soul might convalesce. All the while you are healing, feed yourself with kindness and messages of hope. Do it because it is the most important thing you will ever do. A human being who knows he is worthy of love, who embraces love, who allows love to flow to him – through him – and out into others is the most powerful instrument in the universe. Several human being united in that kind of understanding can harness real power. Real power changes lives. Real power changes our world.