TFFT: How Our Lives Are Decided


So many people often complain about their relationships, the quantity and the quality of them.  They often speak as if these are things that happen to them and they have no idea how.

Truth is, over time, we all have a great number of people who come in and out of our lives.  Some we ignore, some ignore us, some we invite in and others we pursue.  Situations provide opportunities for new connections but ultimately who we choose and then how we treat them, play big roles in who stays around.

I know I am a loner because I choose to be that way.  I can’t have people I put on a shelf and just take down to play with when I feel like it.  I know that about myself and so I limit the number of people I interact with.  I don’t want to convey to someone that we are friends when I know I cannot keep up my end of the bargain.    I am not a good friend to the crowd.  I am a great friend to the one.  Those people are few for me and some of them I don’t even see or interact with often.  For example I have a friend from high school that I love.  I think of her often, even though she is on the other side of the world and we have not seen each other much since high school.  I would slay dragons for her.  We have this bond and I will forever count her as one of the best friends I ever had.

I don’t throw people away.  If the feelings are there and they are real on both sides, then that person and I are forever friends.  I only sever that when their choice or actions are to trash it all.

Some people are like that.  They move through life using others, burning their bridges, unaware of how to connect on any real or meaningful level.  I suppose in some respects, if you only have a limited act, you constantly need a new audience.  Most audiences expect new material, growth, evolving stories . . . to stay engaged.

If I spend time with someone, my heart has chosen them.  If they don’t stay it will be because their behaviour precludes their staying.  There is seldom a discussion, or even an argument . . .  it just happens.  I trust my heart.  I trust it to choose wisely.  I try very hard to accept those that do not last as having taught the intended lesson.  I don’t question my heart’s choice and I don’t blame the other person, but I will not compromise on love.

Love is a quality I expect in my relationships.  It implies a commitment and an honesty.  As long as those two things are there, the situational circumstances are not a deal breaker.  People make mistakes.  It is only when people are unable to be truthful to themselves or others, or when their actions are completely selfish and destructive on a planned and continual basis, that I disengage.  It is of no good to anyone for me to lose myself trying to save someone else.  Not that I am of more value, just that my first duty is to my own life and I can never put anyone else ahead of me in that regard.

Time requires patience.  Honouring our hearts choice requires us knowing and understanding ourselves.  Behaviour requires a conduct of integrity that honours the needs of the other person, as well as our own.  That is what a relationship is.

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