One of the benefits of growing older is the lessening of the intensity that compels us to “fit in” or to be like everyone else. Some of us women take a long time to be able to sit comfortably with ourselves. Some of us never get there.
I don’t know how to be anyone but me. Being someone else has never been an option. I think it may have something to do with the life force that kept me alive during the abuse of my childhood, it had to be large and overwhelming so now I struggle to do things – especially those things that everyone else is doing exactly the same. It seems to be my private declaration that I am me.
I get punished for being different. I am not included in groups, I am uninvited to things once people realize how I operate. I can’t always be angry about it because I am the one who knows how I am and refuses to change. I do my work. I often do way more work than many others and sometimes I hope, if I am there long enough, consistently doing the work and having the desired results that I might earn a spot at a table in the same room with everyone else. I don’t try to recruit people. I don’t denigrate how others do things, I just want to be myself and do my work. That seldom happens for me.
I know I am not alone. More and more people are standing alone in their differences. The purpose of writing today’s thought is simple. I have learned one truth. Once I accepted that I choose to be this way and that being this way means that not every one is going to get me . . . it has become easier to accept that I will probably be unrecognized, unaccepted and unwanted in most situations. BUT it also means that those people who do see me, are probably going to be people I really want to get to know and want to spend my time with. My life has been so blessed in this regard.
Most of all I have learned to look for that which makes others unique. I try to encourage people to embrace that part of themselves and to embrace that in others. Perhaps one day we will escape the set parameters of what to do and how to do it. Perhaps one day we will have groups that will consist of many individuals who all share different voices and visions that make the whole spectacularly unique. Perhaps one day status will cease to exist because we are no longer cloned sheep all wearing the same pair of shoes with the same designer dress and sporting the same hair cut. Perhaps one day we will value the brilliant carpenter’s work as much as we value the brilliant singer – looking on them simply as full manifestations of individual talent.
Perhaps . . .
One day . . .