Canadian Melders. We Are Everywhere.

canadian eh

You know it is cool to watch everyone hanging in their groups .. groups by country, groups by language, groups by sexual preference, groups by fast food preferences .. and then there are the Canadians!   We just sort of hang with everyone … melding, mixing …. yup that is us .. “The Canadian Melders.” We have uniforms and everything … mounty jodphers, beaver hats, hudson bay blanket scarves, cable knit sweaters with a moose head on it, maple leaf underwear and muk luks. The secret team handshake is a non hand shake – that is the secret – it is a head nod and “eh?”

You will see us everywhere hanging on the periphery, in fact, some of you have probably asked,“hey isn’t that a Canadian over there, hanging … on the .. um … periphery?” And your friend probably said, “No … that’s actually Grandma …. don’t know any “Periphery.” Grandma’s name is “Doris.”” 

Yes Canadian melders on the periphery of life.

We are the ones hanging with the French people.  We know enough French to be able to discuss road signs and label contents for food confidently.  We also are experts with extravagant gestures.

We are the ones with the Italians, dipping their fabulous pizza into ranch sauce, drinking their wine out of the bottle and adding a little ketchup to the pasta.

We introduced the concept of clogging to ballet and arm movement to river dancing.

We are the ones in the crowds at the concerts going YEEEEE HAWWWWW!! and then politely saying “excuse me, was that too loud?”

We convinced the Scottish to share their haggis and show us what is under their kilts.  We never betray a secret.

We negotiated peace between mosquitos in Manitoba and Canadians so now the mosquitos only eat foreigners.

We convinced Canadian Geese to share their shit with our US neighbours.

We don’t really have an army anymore.  We created a National Sport that does a much better job preparing men to defend the homeland … No, not curling … Hockey!!!

We are the ones standing on the perimeter of all your groups photos at places like Disneyland etc.  That guy on the side of your family picture with grandma and the new baby, there with a beer in his hand smiling … Canadian!! The guy in all the wedding photos and you have no idea who he is, or who inivited him? Canadian!! The guy in the cubicle at the back of your work place, that no-one ever remembers hiring and no-one knows what he actually does there?? Canadian!!!

That guy with his hand up Grandpa’s dress in the old army photo? Canadian!!

We are everywhere doing everything,not really part of the group but kind of hanging … hoping someone might say, “hey …. wanna get some beer?” I think that is one of the reasons we get along so well with Australians.  They have beer with them all the time. We like that. It is one of the reasons we respect them so much.  That, and the fact they gave us “blooming onions.” We were running out of things to dip into our ketchup until that one came along.

In Second Life we are never the Gorean master.   The guy who is holding a towel for the apprentice to the Gorean master, and a couple of extra silks and a knee pad for the women kneeling … Canadian!

The guy in the war games who keeps trying to group hug everyone and ask why we can’t all just be friends? Canadian!

Miss Congeniality? Almost always Canadian!!

The Guy in the Red Cross Uniform standing by at your local BDSM dungeon …. soooo Canadian!

We have the little white round houses and run with Polar Bears.  We ride horses across the prairies with a stalk of wheat hanging in our teeth. We hang out in the lumberjack camps. We like to sit on the fences of life a lot and are happy to get out of the way if we irritate people.  We understand why people might be irritated with us, and know exactly how to apologize for that.  We never yell at people who cut in line, we usually hold their back packs while they purchase the very last tickets available … unless of course they are hockey tickets.  Everyone has their limits.

The point is, we Canadians are everywhere.  Look around you will see us and you will think to yourself, “Damn, just like the movies … real life “extras!” ” We may not be the stars but what would a movie be without the extras? Epic war movies would just be two guys fighting on a big battlefield.  How boring would that be?  Certainly not “epic.”  Crowded city streets would be deserted and how would the hero mingle in with the crowd and escape if there is no crowd to mingle with.

The world needs people to mingle with.  You have to have “extras.”

Hence the Canadians.

Hug one today.

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