Allow me a moment.
Today I woke up sad.
As I sat drinking my morning coffee and looking out over the day which was unfolding before me, I was thinking back to all the early mornings I was up, wondering how I would make it through the day without any sleep the night before, rocking a baby who had finally fallen asleep, now that that everyone else was about to wake up.
How many times in those growing up years did I hang on to the edge of the cliff, fingernails ripping from their nail beds, wondering if I would make it through?
We all did.
How many time in the last few years have I looked at my adult children as they march forward with their own lives, facing their own struggles and wished that I could hold them in my arms through the dark night and rock them to sleep. Would that life could be that simple. Would that I could have one second more of that incredible connectedness with children I love more than my own soul.
It will never happen.
It won’t, because life is about letting go and surrendering all those moments as we move on to the next. And sometimes the next is a wonderful, magical moment …. but it will never be like the last moment. Ever.
This morning it made me realize that if we don’t treasure this moment now, we lose. We lose because there are no big warnings that something is about to end … Or even that someone is about to go. All we get is this moment and whether or not we are aware enough to fully experience it and to appreciate how blessed we are.
I have a day stretching before me, full of moments. I want to take each one and honour it. I cannot fit my children on my lap anymore. My arms are not long enough to hold them there and I am not as strong as I once was, but my love for them is stronger than it ever was, and my ability to reach out to them and let them know how much they mean to me has been enhanced in so many ways with modern technology. I may be miles apart from them but I can visit them every day on the internet. I can keep up with things they are doing or that have happened. I get to know some of the people in their lives. I see the things they are interested in. I am so grateful for that.
And I am grateful for grandbabies that you can hold and pretend for a moment that you are transported back. When you see their father’s eyes, their mother’s nose … it all comes full circle and the saddened heart of an aging grandmother beats a little stronger because this is truly what life is all about.