When we are children our parents tell us how to behave and control a great deal of who we are – with their infusion of fears, beliefs, and love. They define the world around us and guide our reactions.
While we are in school we learn about the “greater good.” Our communities and churches have expectations as well as the teachers and the school. Even the kids who are making their own journeys send messages about who we are and who we aren’t. They weigh in with their expectations regarding our behaviour. It is tough to remember who we are, even tougher to have the courage to stay true to our own path.
As adults we carry those lessons we find more people, like spouses, friends, universities, jobs, bosses, work mates and even our own children. Every one has an idea about who we are supposed to be and who we are not. Everyone projects on to us what they need us to be.
When we are strong we face them and we smile and their demands and observances bounce off our chests. But when we struggle, our protection is down and we can end up wounded and broken. We can doubt we will even survive because when the people we most love, the people most important in our lives, don’t know who we are, or don’t accept us … we can feel utterly alone.
It can be easy to just go along with all the other people, to make them happy, to not speak up, say what they want to hear, do what they ask, look the other way, let the bus drive over you. You can do that for awhile, but eventually you are going to have to deal with your own unhappiness. Eventually you are going to have to face the wind, and find the strength you need.
It is not about the lack we feel from those people now, it is about the joy we feel from connection. Can we be grateful for the moments and part of the journey we shared and let it be just that? If it is never anything more, does it diminish what was? Does it diminish you? Or is it simply time to let go and move on?
Surrender is a willingness to suspend your own judgments about what this moment means. It is about turning off all your internal dialogues, and silencing the voices so that all remains is the silence between you and your higher power. So that you can listen. And feel. And know.
And sometimes pain is our teacher.
And tears the healing balm that allows spirit to minister to spirit. Is there ever another moment when we are more fully alive and engaged in life than when we are moved to tears of joy or pain?
The pain is there for a reason. I know that I do not deserve unkindness or judgment. I did not attract this to me because I cannot control what other people choose to do with all of their emotions and thoughts. Other people are not pawns to serve my needs. We are all people trying to get by and what anyone learns from their interaction with me is not mine to direct. It has to come from within, just as my learnings from their actions have to be born in my soul. BUT a situation like this gets brought to our attention through the feelings and emotions we have. We are reminded this is not who we are and that we will never find happiness in being what someone else needs or wants. We learn about letting go.
We learn about untangling the threads that have existed within our relationships and of standing again raw and naked … but whole.
It is a time of endings … and beginnings.
You can remind yourself what your life has been about, and you can use the moment to know that there are still miles ahead where this will become a dim memory of a spark that may have seemed like it was going to consume you but in the end it was the catalyst for bigger and better things. One foot in front of the other, no matter what the pace, carries you forward and days come and go and you eventually find yourself exactly where you are and have always been. Most importantly you discover that love has been your constant companion and that never, ever changes.