Excellent article on Step Parents who over “step” their role. Most notable, BUTT OUT. You are not in charge and sharing or telling a child anything negative about their real parent is considered abuse and evidence that you are a bad parent.
Stepmothers (and Stepfathers too)
Copyright 1998 by Douglas Darnall, Ph.D.
If you decide to marry a parent with children, there are some things you have to accept as a reality. It is part of the baggage parents bring with them into the marriage. To begin with, children will want to spend time alone with their parent without your presence. Many times the parent will want to put their children’s needs before yours. Standing the background is a biological mother or father. She or he could have very strong feelings about you that have nothing to do with you as a person or stepparent. The biological parent could be jealous of your time with the children, fear your discipline, hate their ex, and distrust your motives. However unfair or unjustified these problems appear, you and your spouse have to deal them while trying to not get the children caught in the middle.
Child support is important. Stepparents should not in anyway interfere with visits and child support responsibilities. It must be remembered by all, that parents are more likely to pay child support if they have an on going active relationship with their children.
Here are some basic guidelines step-parents should follow: (more here . . . )