TFFT The Pain of Letting Go

let go

Letting go can seem like the end of the world.  What will happen to us if we let go of something or someone that has been such a big part of our lives, especially if the letting go is not what we want to do?  Our penchant, especially as women, is to love.  We all paint pictures in our heads, tell ourselves stories about who we are, what we are supposed to do with our lives.  We can race ahead of our decisions and imagine the negative outcome of our actions.  We hear our families disapproving voices, we relive all the Sunday School Lessons, we feel the disgust of strangers who don’t even know us … judging.   Are we bad people when we finally choose ourselves instead of bleeding ourselves dry for people and situations that are not healthy and may never be?

Letting go can be easier if it does not involve a family member because we have strict codes of conduct.  Parents must never give up on children.  But children grow up and like all of us, they become responsible for their actions.  We have to accept they are who they are and sometimes our kids do not choose us.  Sometimes our families turn their backs.  Sometimes it is our partners.  Even when we have compassion or understanding for criminal behaviour, we cannot condone the criminal acts or allow it to continue.  Sometimes in our lives, we have to say, “enough.”  We have to let go and choose ourselves because there really is nothing we can do to help or change someone else and most importantly because we owe it to ourselves.  Sometimes OUR soul needs us to stand up and fight for us.

I've Learned

There can be tremendous healing in choosing ourselves and refusing to buy into or to live the negativity anymore.  There is power in a “no” that is for ourselves.  We can step away from the damaged cancerous hole in our lives and move on and towards the light.  We can take the lessons, we can love and let go without anger or resentment . . . not towards any other person, and not towards ourselves.  We can find strength in our decision.  We can become kinder, more loving people.  We can grow.

No-one can truly understand our journey.  Our lives will be full of people who will never try, who are not interested, and yes, they may judge us but those people would have found something else to judge us, regardless of our personal choices.  The issue is never what they are talking about, it is only their need to judge other people and to be unkind.  We are the only ones who know who we really are.  We are the ones who know our heart.  Try listening to it.

Kathy Kinney

Choosing to let go can feel like it is only about endings and pain.  It can seem like it is cruel to other people.  But letting go is not about ending as much as it is about moving forward.  It is about love.  Loving yourself enough to choose life and light and loving the other person enough to refuse to participate in what is unhealthy and ugly.  Relationships are give and take.  They work because two people connect in some symbiotic way.  Love works because you give to each other.  It cannot work when the love is one-sided.  That is where one person always looks after the other and the other only cares about themselves.   That means one person is being neglected and if that person is you, it is not healthy, not ever.  Sometimes in letting go you free that person to find their way back to wholeness and sometimes you simply move on and find others who will love you and honour your journey.  And with each step you take towards wholeness, you will find peace.


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