The Chosen One.

The Chosen One

You know those emails you get where they say if you send it on something wonderful will happen and if you don’t then you will die? Well, I have never sent one on before … and I never died. At least I am pretty sure I am not dead. I have not sought out a medical opinion to provide credible proof. Well I sent one on and within seconds I heard a ding and I received this very urgent letter ….



I know that this mail will come to you as a surprise. i am the bill and exchange manager boa bank here in Ouagadougou Burkina Faso .

i hoped that you will not expose or betray this trust and confident that i am about to repose on you for the mutual benefit of our both families. I need your urgent assistance in transferring the sum of ($25.3) million immediately to your account. The money has been dormant for years in our bank here without any body coming for it.

I want to release the money to you as the nearest person to our deceased customer (the owner of the account) who died a long with his supposed next of kin in an air crash since July 2000. i nor the next of kin would have want the money to go into our bank treasury as an abandoned fund. So this is the reason why I contacted you, so that we will release the money to you as the nearest person to the deceased customer.

Please I would like you to keep this proposal as a top secret and delete if you are not interested. Upon receipt of your reply, I will send you full details on how the business will be executed and also note that you will have 40% of the above mentioned sum if you agree to transact the business with me. Please contact me through this e-mail address (SAVADOGO_MAHAMA1@SIFY.COM
thanks and hoping to hear from you


I replied:

Dear Mr.Savadogo Mahama;

You could have knocked me over with a feather when I received your email. I am intrigued to say the least. I have never been involved in transferring before … well jail transfers are just not the same thing are they? Of course not.

Is Ouagahougou Burkino Faso anywhere near Arrears? Cause That is where all my bills end up and I have no idea where that is. Have you ever driven through Arrears on your way home to Ouagahougou Burkino Faso? Have you gone camping there? Could you check your map and let me know?

I have never seen dormant money. Is that even legal?

So many things to cover before we meet … oh … about the repose thing …. I think we should have dinner and a movie first before we do any reposing on each other. I love the movie “The Sting” have you seen it?

I am a little confused though. Do “bodies” normally claim money in your part of the world? They must be much more talented than the ones I have seen. Our “bodes” just seem to lie there. I am flattered you want to give the money to my “body.” How good does the body have to be? I mean I have one and all, but just saying, let me know if there are any body requirements.

Also,I have to ask … are you sure the customer was buried somewhere nearest to me cause wow that is creepy. How close is he buried? He is not in the back yard is he? Seriously if someone else is closer to him, it is only fair they should get some of the money. We had a slight earthquake here yesterday and maybe it shifted things a bit. Check that out to be sure cause I don’t wanna take advantage of anyone and I can tell you are the kind of person that wouldn’t want to do that either. Like once I thought I won horseshoes cause it looked like my shoe was the closest and I was so excited and the loser (my brother) was crying and crying so we measured it to be sure. Turns out they were wrong, I hadn’t won, and my brother was so happy and even though I felt bitter about not winning a cool trophy or a meat tray, in my heart I knew it was the right thing to do and you can’t buy that kind of feeling. It will keep me company in my old age just like it did after the tournament when my brother threw a big barbeque and I wasn’t invited because he didn’t want any losers bringing the whole mood down.

You know I heard about that plane crash. Evidently a lot of really rich people died on there and many of them are, judging from the number of letters I have received, related to me. Go figure. I try to imagine what it must have been like for all of them. Sometimes I think to myself, did they all talk and discover that they were all related to me at the last moment before the plane went down? Did that bring them any comfort? I am going to be very wealthy. I have 33 letters from victims of the plane crash besides yours. I just think it is so sad that people played “supposed kin” on the last day of their life. I cannot believe that. How low will some people go? I guess the fact the “supposed kin” died in the plane crash with all those rich people just proves that Karma is a bitch. I actually knew Karma in junior high and I can vouch for that 100%. I think it is really nice that you would rather give the money to me then let it go to an abandoned fund. It really restores my faith in mankind to see someone be so honest and do the right thing cause I am sure no-one would miss dormant money in an abandoned fund, especially as there are no laws about that kind of thing. You could’ve had it all.

I can understand you wanting to keep it top secret though, wow, can you imagine how many people would want in on this if I told them? They would probably move into the house next door just to be closer to the body and cut me out completely.

Ummm I also think it is really generous of you to only take 60% of my money for your fee for doing your job. What great interest rates and bank fees your country has. They are beyond awesome. I may want to put all my savings and investments in your bank. How ever do you make a living with such fair fees?

Oh and when you write up the transfer for the money, you really don’t need to put it in my account, I trust you completely. You can just send me a certified cheque and I will transfer your part of that as soon as I receive a photocopy of your passport, your VisaCard (including the back signature panel) and your security clearance badge for the bank. I will take a look at everything and give the offer of the repose thing some serious consideration.

How do you feel about chest hair on a woman?

Thanks for making my day.

Your new pal

2 thoughts on “The Chosen One.

  1. Brava! (Female version of “bravo”) I am so happy for you. Though I only live 40,000 miles from you, I guess I am a close friend too? Not sure if we are related, as I haven’t had any family die in an air crash. (My parents nearly died on a train though, does that qualify?)

    Hope you get on well with your “very personal” banker though. Sounds like a good lad, with such an important job!

    Oh, and if you end up wanting to invest some of that extra cash. (Don’t know how much you will have left after taxes, I hope you don’t end up in the red!) There are some great real-estate deals in this place in Japan, “Fuko – something or other” – have to look it up. Half is ready to move in, and the other all cleared for building. Ocean front too! But, don’t tell anyone, we don’t want those prices going up, do we?

    But do respond to this letter, don’t want anything bad to happen to you, do we!


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