13 Changes I Would Like to See In Family Court.

my wish list

Observing the practices in family court in Alberta, Canada and Queensland, Australia, both supposedly using the same legal system, Queensland leaves Alberta for dead.  The professionalism, thoroughness, and level of care, is so superior, I am embarrassed by what happens in Alberta.  But even Queensland has plenty of room for improvement and the horror stories of what happens in family court are not unique to one country.

This is my wish list: Continue reading


“We will meet many difficult moments in our lives – people will abuse us or take us for granted, people we love will leave us; our expectations of others and ourselves will be disappointed, and there will be times when we are misunderstood or judged unfairly. The difficult encounters and moments in our lives spiral into complexity when aversion and fear are layered upon them. With aversion come innumerable ideas about how we think the world, other people, and ourselves should be, together with our strategies for turning those ideas into reality. With fear is born in our imagination what might befall us, the endless possibilities of misfortune, and our desire to flee from difficulties. Oscar Wilde once said, “The most terrible things in my life never actually happened.” In case they do, we want to be well rehearsed.

There is a simpler way of being with the difficult and painful in this life; to listen closely; to stay present, to investigate, and question – “Here is suffering. There are causes that can be understood without blame. What is the path to the end of suffering in this moment?” The path may involve intervention, the courage to say “no,” wise action; it may involve forgiveness, tolerance, or patience. Whether our response to suffering is an inner or an outer one, compassion roots itself in the dedication to ending sorrow. Our capacity to make peace with the difficult is hindered and made complex through the added ingredients of aversion, fear, and avoidance. These are the layers of complexity that we can learn to understand and release.” Christina Feldman

Humans Are “Beings” Not “Doings.”

who you are


“Don’t tell me what you are going to do, tell me what you have done.” I read that on someone’s online profile. People put up their profiles like ads for the internet. Quotes that are meant to tell us about the person have replaced the old ads of, “I like long walks on the beach . . . ”

I thought about the quote. It makes sense. Lots of people talk about what they are going to do, and what we are going to do is usually grand and impressive. Some people tell the story about what they are going to do right up until their last breath. It ends up being just a good story about what might have been. Continue reading


“We need to let go of this idea of not being ‘sick enough’. And we also need to stop blaming it on the disorder. You are sick. You are also enough. The relationship ends there. At the heart of it, this is about your sense of self worth. The belief that you don’t deserve the same love, care, help and nourishment as others. This will belief will not change in response to your physical state; it’s an internal – not an external – condition. And I think sometimes we believe that if our outsides match our insides someone will see the pain we’re in. But physical pain will never compare with how you hurt emotionally, and you don’t need to use your body to validate your suffering. You are worthy of love and care if you are healthy; you are worthy of love and care if you are sick. There is no scale of sickness; being sick doesn’t change your value and worth as a human being, even in those dark times when you struggle to believe it.”  Liquid Diamonds Flowing

Ask Auntie Soshel

Auntie Soshel

This week’s questions come from two young women, caught up in the life and death struggle of their romantic relationships and what to do with their significant other.  I am sure many of you can relate to their heart wrenching dilemmas.

Dear Auntie Soshel; 

I have been going out with this guy for about 3 years and I am so over it.   He is such a loser and so needy and clingy.   I need to dump him but I don’t know if it is easier to just leave without saying anything or whether I should invite him to dinner and break it to him nicely?  I don’t want a big scene or anything because I know I am sure about this.  What is your advice? 

Desperate for Freedom  Continue reading

Why Some Boo Boos Never Heal.

not for you to judge

As a human being you are guaranteed to make mistakes. I told my teens that it was their job to make mistakes because no-one gets it right the first time, every time. What mattered, was not the mistakes, so much as the lessons learned. When they were babies they learned to walk and they fell…often. They also walked funny, they only walked a few steps, they clung to chairs and walls … and eventually they used all that information from all their efforts, including the falls … to learn to walk. Continue reading

The Posion Pen Letter of Death I Just Received.

poison pen

I got a poison pen letter the other day.  Yes, an adult I barely know, took the time to write out a nasty letter full of what he thinks I was implying when I was speaking in front of my own family in my own home.  He was sure it was all about him.

He was not in attendance of the event.  I am not even sure how or why he secured a copy of an email not sent to him, outlining for others who had been unable to attend, the events of a very special day, that everyone in attendance enjoyed with love and compassion.  He had to type the letter he sent, print it, put it in an envelope, stamp it, take it to the mailbox  . . .all of those things took time.  Nothing in him suggested he was about to make a complete ass of himself and that perhaps he might reconsider. Continue reading