On Line, Everyone Wants Me.

marry me

I get all these invitations from Non-English speaking groups, causes and men.  THESE are the men that want to date/marry me and declare they are in love with me, even when I point out the picture they are looking at is an avatar I use in a virtual reality called Second Life.  I point out,  in the interest of complete disclosure, they should note that not even Barbie is 9 foot tall and has a 3 inch waist.  But the heart wants what the heart wants.  At least I think it is their heart that wants it.

See Ken being anatomically ambiguousmember deficient, penis-less  has left so many of us women without a real sense of what romance is all about.  We are still thinking pink and tulle and a prince that is just an arm accessory that comes out of box when the scene requires it and gets lost once the wedding is over.   We are waiting for our Barbie  Motor and Dream homes because everyone knows Ken is pointless if those aren’t there.   We were all perfectly happy hanging out with Midge, or even Chatty Cathy, even though she was a know it all and over grown.

No-one ever shopped for a Ken to just hang out in your apartment, eat all your cheese and leave his dirty underwear everywhere.   Even Mattel talks about the dress, the motor home and the last little aside is … “Oh ya, and you can add a Ken too.”  It is kind of like watching the whole show on a fabulous vacuum you can buy and right when they think you are about to walk away from the TV they throw in a set of Ginsu steak knives.  No-one really wants or needs the steak knives but hey, a vacuum AND a set of steak knives?  Ok.  Why not.  You can always give the steak knives to someone as gift or even sell them at a garage sale.  Hey, maybe you can even swap them and a box of unopened bologne for some icecream – ok no-one is going to do that but let’s pretend.  I am trying to give Ken value because I desperately want to be seen as being politically correct and caring.   That is how we were taught about men.  You get all the great stuff and they throw in an ambiguously sexually defined Ken.

How did that prepare us for life?   How many of you screamed the first time you saw peen and wanted to know “WHAT THE HELL IS THAT???”  THAT is the results of Mattel playing with our minds and creating unrealistic illusions about what Ken men and life is all about.

How were any of us supposed to be prepared for life?

Ya so anyway, the groups etc.  Men already have so much to make up for and then they show up declaring their love and they are looking at a picture of Bliss the avatar.  She doesn’t look anything like me but she is basically me.  They say they love me and want to marry me and I try really hard to imagine a woman, some woman, ANY woman, anywhere … buying into that and going “YES, YES … let’s pick out our invitations.”

Do I give off that mindless, semi lunatic vibe that makes them think I will want in on that?

And what is with these men/people/groups?  When you send out an invite I assume you are hoping for a positive response.  Don’t you think you should at least know something about the person you are lying to?  Like you don’t invite a blind person to be an art critic?

How can anyone spend a nanosecond with me and not know that I am not the “sit in the back quietly, nodding my head once in awhile” kind of person?   I need my words.  I need a loud voice.  I need to be talking/typing ALLLL the time.  I can’t move those puppets fast enough to act out my every thought and comment.  I am not an angel or something ( see video with evidence of the abilityof angels to move magically and swiftly – study picture of me and then picture of angel – NOT the same person).  Don’t invite me to some Stepford Wives Club where we dress nice and leave our minds at home and play “we are better than everyone else” while we sip wine.

Don’t ask me to join a movement and not have an opinion that may not always agree with yours.

Don’t ever ask me to play angry cats or ducks or penguins.

Please, if you are going to invite me to join a group, take the time to look at my profile and see that I cannot speak your language.  I am language challenged.  I only speak English, some  French, and swear words.  I have lots of tones … but actual other languages … No.   I suck.

You can’t invite me and then go “surprise!  You go sit in the corner, don’t worry what we are talking about and put this machine gun together will you?”

My Barbie lived in a white trailer park.  She has significant limits.

And she hates normal and sheep … Big hater of all sheep like tendencies.  Rules suck too.

I suck at joining.

That is why the whole marriage thing is probably a no go too.

Hey where are you going?

Can we still date?

Or is that a deal breaker?

Damn.

I said too much again, didn’t I??

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2 thoughts on “On Line, Everyone Wants Me.

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