It is an unenviable positions to raise another’s child. You are not blood, you will never be first, even though you might do most, if not all, of the hard work.
It takes someone very special to get it right.
Those that can step up to that challenge seem to understand that it is not a competition and the goal is for the child to grow up healthy and happy. They understand they may not be loved as a mother but they will be loved as the woman who raised them. We get caught up in the title. Does it even matter? Isn’t the important thing the love itself? When we focus on the title it is clear that what we are wanting out of the experience is praise and we are making it all about us and not the child.
Those who have alienated the child from their mother, who have taught the child to hate by feeding them lies and orchestrating drama and keeping the child from seeing their mother, are perhaps the most disgusting human beings. I say that because as women, we know the bonds of mother child and to purposefully interfere with those is not much different from what a paedophile does. You have taken a child’s innocence. You have poured your darkness into their light. You have used that child for your own personal gratification without any regard for the damage you have caused. You have done it to a child that was not your own.
I can only imagine the pain and suffering for women today who will not hear a single thing from their stolen child, except a message of hate. Those mothers will be silent, and take the abuse, and hold on to their hope that maybe one day their child will know the truth. They will do that because they are not usually the women who will put the child in the middle of the battle and make things worse. They do that because they ARE that child’s mother and THAT is what mother’s do. They sacrifice.
These women are so lacking in self esteem they cannot form a relationship with a mere child based on their own experience. Their relationship is forged by destroying another human being, because even a smidge of emotion left in that child for their mother is a threat to their insecurity.
Facebook will be full today of “shove it in your face” salutations from manipulated children gushing over the women who have destroyed their natural feelings for their own mothers. And somewhere a woman will weep while another woman and a stolen child high five one another with “wait until she sees THAT one.” That woman will not see the pain behind the child’s eyes as she says and does what she has to keep that woman happy. Those posts will then be commented on by all the people who support that woman in destroying the child. They will type in their words of encouragement and testaments to what a great mother that woman is compared to the biological mother. There will be more high fives and laughter as a mother weeps.
That is what we have become as people.
I worry about what these children will grow up like. I worry about being raised on a steady diet of hate and a campaign of unkindness. We talk about bullying, and yet there are parents instructing their kids on step by step methods. I worry about their ability to see people as human beings, and situations as having many shades, of not understanding no-one is perfect and it is never as simple as this person is all bad/wrong and this person is all good/right. I worry about the lies they have built their lives on, believing themselves to be better, and that in doing so, they have the right to then go out of their way to be cruel to someone else who is trying to say, “I love you.” I worry about them not understanding love, not understanding the kind of love that makes sacrifices.
I worry what kind of parents these kids will be. The circle will intensify. When these children are adults and dealing with broken homes and raising other children, will they resort to more violent methods? Will they be any more capable of doing the right thing?
And I worry that we all sit here, not aware, not seeing what is happening. I worry that even if we do we calm our discomfort with the mantra, “There is nothing I can do about it.”
Children are not weapons. They need to know that they are loved by all the people involved in their lives. They need to be protected from any of the grown-up legal matters that need to be sorted, and allowed to be children who are taught to love and to believe in a world that is full of possibilities. Our children need to learn skills of working with people, all people, and to negotiate social situations and relationships in ways that do not leave people broken and destroyed. They do not need to be schooled in ways to bully, to hurt, to hate.
And parents who do that, and all the people around those parents who support their efforts, are engaging in child abuse that I believe they should have to answer for.