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“When we are young we are often puzzled by the fact that each person we admire seems to have a different version of what life ought to be, what a good man is, how to live, and so on. If we are especially sensitive it seems more than puzzling, it is disheartening. What most people usually do is to follow one person’s ideas and then another’s depending on who looms largest on one’s horizon at the time. The one with the deepest voice, the strongest appearance, the most authority and success, is usually the one who gets our momentary allegiance; and we try to pattern our ideals after him. But as life goes on we get a perspective on this and all these different versions of truth become a little pathetic. Each person thinks that he has the formula for triumphing over life’s limitations and knows with authority what it means to be a man, and he usually tries to win a following for his particular patent. Today we know that people try so hard to win converts for their point of view because it is more than merely an outlook on life: it is an immortality formula.”  Ernest Becker

Handling Manipulators.

boundaries

Love this article by Auryn Beorn and wanted to share it here.  So many women great women give to the world around them only to be taken advantage of by others.  Learning to give with your dignity intact and without bleeding dry may be a survival skill that comes too late for some and others, not at all.   Great post!

Zero Tolerance For Bullying.

zero tolerance

Zero tolerance.

You hear a lot of the schools talking about their stance on bullying but what exactly does it mean?

When I hear that, I expect that to mean that should someone bully, they will have to leave the school. There is no excuse for it, no allowance for it to happen, and the school will protect all the students by making sure none of them are ever bullied, BUT, if it should happen, they will take responsibility, learn from it, and remove the bullying child OR insist that child get professional help that results in a change of behaviour. One incident -warning with help offered, second incident – they are gone.

It is not about zero tolerance for a child.  It is about zero tolerance for the act.  Too often we disallow important discussion on subjects because we lose sight of that subtle distinction.  We are not enacting discipline because of who did it, we are enacting it because of what was done.  Anyone who chooses that action would receive the same treatment.  It isn’t even about law or justice, it is the inherent right that every human being has to exist and participate and remain safe.  Those who choose actions that takes away from that sense must be removed.  And then, it is not up to the school to fix the offender or police their actions, it is up to the parents to get the child the help they need. Continue reading

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“Do not seek outside yourself for greatness. All the acclaim, admiration, praise, worship, applause in the world could never satisfy the deep longings of your heart. It would only be temporary, anyway, conditional, contingent, and you would exhaust yourself trying to sustain it, burying your secret feelings of lack.
Your greatness will never come from outside of you, friend; it will only be found within. In your ordinariness lies great power. You are extraordinary to the core, special in your unspecialness, for you are undivided from life itself, the power that moves oceans and keeps planets in their orbits. Do not compare yourself, or attempt to be like anyone else. You will fail.
For you are a unique flower, extraordinary even in the midst of your doubts, your sorrows, your pains, your longings for home. You are absolutely unparalleled, an incomparable expression of That which can never be expressed. You could never be like the other flowers, and therein lies your greatness, your preciousness.
Do not change; you are cherished by the universe as you are. ”   Jeff Foster

A Fly In My Eye

a fly in my eye

This morning I was sitting at my computer stewing over a minor problem that is probably not important to anyone but me, but had been weighing on my mind.

I was getting more frustrated. I wanted to spend my time writing but instead I was worrying and my worry was just taking me round and round in circles. I was grumpy. I was stuck.

And then this miniscule little fly thingy showed up and started doing what most flies seem to do with me …head for the eyeball, up the nose, or into the ear. You have no idea the envy I feel for those who seem to be able to confine flies to their faces or arms, in the closed areas where there is no access to your brain. I am sure they want to eat my brains. That is what my brother always told me and I believed him. Don’t tell me he was lying. If your force me to give up this then I have to give up the good things he told me, like once he said I was destined for greatness and I even though he was drunk, I need to believe that he saw something in me.

Usually I can make sweeping hand grabs at the little things and get them in short order but this one was clearly double jointed and escaped my every effort. It was so tiny that I could not follow it in the air and even though I have to accept it could have actually been a normal sized, or even very large fly, and it was my eyesight that failed me and made it impossible to catch him …. I just could not get the darn thing.

It was an all out launching of war in the room. It kept buzzing me and dropping on my skin for just a second and taking off and disappearing before I could even think about raising my hand to swat it. Every time I rearranged things and thought I could get writing, there it was again reminding me I was its prisoner.

After a few minutes I had surrendered any hope of being able to write and I was sitting in my chair swatting wildly in the air with both hands – each coming and going in different directions, standing up and sitting down and swearing trying to get the damn annoying little fly. And then I realized the window was open and my neighbour was standing in her yard looking over to the house with a look that kind of went somewhere between fear, mild horror, and real concern.

I closed the window as quietly as I could.

I got up and walked out of the room and got a drink of water and just looked out at the garden for a few minutes. One of my birds hopped down onto the back of one of our chairs to give me a little song and a head nod. It made me smile.

And when I came back into the office and sat down in my chair the little fly was gone.

Or perhaps it was just my attention on it that was gone.

Well played universe, well played.

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“The flower goes on spreading it’s fragrance whether anybody comes or not, whether anybody appreciates or not. The flower does not start releasing its fragrance when it sees that a great poet is coming by – ‘Now this man will appreciate, now this man will be able to understand who I am.’ And it does not close its doors when it sees that a stupid, idiotic person is passing there – insensitive, dull, a politician or something like that. It does not close itself – ‘What is the point? Why cast pearls before swine?’ No, the flower goes on spreading its fragrance. It is a state of being, not a relationship.”  Osho

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“To hold our tongues when everyone is gossiping, to smile without hostility at people and institutions, to compensate for the shortage of love in the world with more love in small, private matters; to be more faithful in our work, to show greater patience, to forgo the cheap revenge obtainable from mockery and criticism: all these are things we can do.”  Hermann Hesse