Quote

“Denial is a finger of blame pointing towards another. Conflict is an expectation imposed onto another. Frustration is the inability to control the will of another. Sadness is a dependency on another. Loneliness is waiting for another to arrive. Solitude is freedom from needing another. Harmony is embracing the uniqueness of another. Grace is seeing there is no other. Enlightenment is when the subjects of one and another disappear. Love is what remains throughout it all.”  Matt Kahn

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Dear Son

Letters From Home.

Dear Son – on the occasion of not having heard from you for months now …

Hi … It’s mom… remember me? Tall lady? You remember mom and dad? I was the shorter one on the team. I wore dresses and had breasts?

Try it with me now,say the word ? “MMMMMom….Mommmm….MOM ….” That’s it put your lips together and make a sound. Ring any bells yet?

Hope you got the money we sent you last time you called. Hope the car we bought for you is still doing well. Your dad and I hope to have one just like it when we finish paying for yours. It is hard sometimes to get my walker up the steps of the bus. Don’t worry, nothing serious, I slipped on the ice and fell on the sidewalk and lay buried in snow for several hours on my way to wire you more money. I am on the waiting list to get a new hip, if the local church is able to raise enough money to pay for it at the next Doily Extravaganza next month. Don’t worry if they can’t, I think hips are highly over-rated anyway, and it is not like I don’t have another one right? Continue reading

Unpicking the Programming.

unpicked

My life was woven for me. Each stitch catching at pieces of who I was and tearing it away from the whole, isolating and losing it in row after row of a programmed me that could sit and behave and be produced to perform when called upon.

My grandparents gave me a very expensive, beautiful cover, that they constructed, to cover up any trace left of me.

I tried to wear it. I tried, at school, to say and do the things the other kids were doing. I tried to involve myself in the same activities and to not see the things that called to me from beyond the shadows and up on the hills and through the wind. I tried to get married, have kids, go to church, be a good Christian, volunteer at school, and bake perfect bread. I did it all. And I did a lot of it well.

Except that I always felt empty. I felt dishonest. I felt like I stood off to the side, watching the me that I was supposed to be performing like a trained circus seal. Continue reading

Quote

“Remove yourself from the situation, change it, or accept it totally. If you want to take responsibility for your life, you must choose one of these three options, and you must choose now. Then accept the consequences. No excuses. No negativity. No psychic pollution. Keep your inner space clear.”   Eckhart Tolle

Quote

“We habitually erect a barrier called blame that keeps us from communicating genuinely with others, and we fortify it with our concepts of who’s right and who’s wrong. We do that with the people who are closest to us and we do it with political systems, with all kinds of things that we don’t like about our associates or our society.  It is a very common, ancient, well-perfected device for trying to feel better. Blame others…Blaming is a way to protect your heart, trying to protect what is soft and open and tender in yourself. Rather than own that pain, we scramble to find some comfortable ground.”  Unknown

No-One Loves Me – The Lie That Holds Us Prisoners.

No-one Loves Me

I have to share this, in its entirety because I think it illuminates the pain that so many people share. It is helpful for us to self direct healing and to extend understanding and forgiveness to others.

Some people are able to move through life assuming they are always invited. They join in without ever considering whether they are “wanted.” Others cannot do that, they need to be invited. Their lives teach them that they are not included. In the interest of healing all this, it becomes about being aware of other people, of seeing them. I have heard people say, “we are not an exclusive group” everyone is welcome – and they dismiss the angst of the person sitting on the outside of the circle. Continue reading

Parenting Adult Children

our magic

“We all start out knowing magic. We are born with whirlwinds, forest fires and comets inside us. We are born able to sing to birds and read the clouds and see our destiny in grains of sand. But then we get the magic educated right out of our souls. We get it churched out, spanked out, washed out and combed out. We get put on the straight and narrow path and told to be responsible. Told to act our age. Told to grow up, for God’s sake. And you know why we were told that? Because the people doing the telling were afraid of our wildness and our youth, and because the magic we knew made them ashamed and sad of what they’d allowed to wither in themselves.” Robert R. McCammon

We are all imperfect human beings, trying to do the best we can with what we have. We make mistakes. Some of those mistakes are easy for others to see, which makes people easy targets for others to shake their heads and call them stupid. Some mistakes are easily spotted by some or even most people. With my own children I often see where things are going to lead long before they hit the mud. Sometimes it is appropriate for me to caution, more often, now that they are adults, it is not. Parenting is a life time responsibility to love and support the human beings you birthed into the world.

It is also a gift. Continue reading