I woke up this morning and the internet is mocking me. It posted this after my heart wrenching story here:
I think it is incredibly unfeeling of them to ignore the trauma I suffered by posting this and encouraging others to do this to mock me some more. STOP MOCKING ME!
I woke early this morning to discover that a whale had beached itself next to the pool.
After I stopped screaming and beating my chest, ripping my jammies from my chest, shaking my fist at the heavens and demanding of God, “Why? How could you let this happen to such a beautiful creature,” I calmed down. Mainly because I realized that no-one else was up yet and no-one was filming me for You-Tube.
That is kind of how I live my life now. I save emotions and funny lines. I only use them if I can tell that the record button is flashing. I don’t give away anything for free anymore. I have been over reacting for years and did not realize I was sitting on a gold mine. That shit is marketable!! I need advertisers in order to be me. Continue reading
Please bear with me. I am in the middle of redoing my blog and moving things around. I will be back shortly with it all set up – it is just going to take me some time. Thanks for all your support. I promise it will be worth it.
So many things seemed so important at the time and with the passing of the years, they aren’t and never were. I wish I had taken the energy I expended on pushing my children to comply with being good students so they could fit in and to be able to “compete” in the world, more into the moments.
I am sitting here this morning, drinking my coffee and looking out across the most beautiful landscape that is the backyard of my home. I have a full life time of experiences, some of them would fill you with awe and admiration, some of them would make you weep. I have made colossal mistakes that still pull me to the edge to revisit them years later. Those highs and lows are not my constant companions. This morning I can only remember my youngest son and the way he smelled in my arms when he would stop whatever he was doing and would rush to me, urgent in his need to climb into my lap and to hug me.
He did not want or need anything. He did not hurry away. He ran to be with me and sit there with love being the unspoken bond between us. Continue reading
“The Buddha was once asked what compassion is and he answered, “If you want to know what compassion is, look into the eyes of a mother as she cradles her fevered, ill child.” Compassion is a true vastness of heart and a depth of wisdom that listens to, embraces, and receives suffering. It is an antidote to hostility, resistance, and division. Learning to listen to the sounds of the universe is learning to soften and melt our armory of fear, mistrust, and imprisonment in a separate self. Compassion is not a quality to romanticize, idealize, or project into a future moment. Nurturing compassion does not depend upon personal perfection. We meet suffering, pain, and confusion every day of our lives. The homeless person on the street, the frail parent, the hurt child, the stressed executive, the alienated teenager. It is not easy to open our hearts to the bottomless depths of pain in the world. We hold in our hearts our own mortality and the mortality of others. All life is fragile; we live in a fragile world. health turns to illness, well-being to pain, safety to uncertainty, life to death; none of us can control the countless supports upon which our well-being rests. The moments of sorrow and confusion we meet are moments that invite us to cultivate a listening heart, to let go of separation, and to be present with every cell of our being. The difficult moments and encounters in our lives are the gateways of compassion. Our enemies are angels of compassion in disguise, inviting us to be present, to attend, and to receive. Here we discover for ourselves the healing, balancing power of compassion.’” Christina Feldman