“Change is inevitable. Your personal and spiritual evolution will always be seen as a betrayal by those whose values you abandon. You have a right to change your values, beliefs and ideas. The discomfort you feel when you attempt to change is just the social control that surrounds you becoming more obvious and bearing down on you. There is nothing more spiritual than freedom and it is very spiritual to violate old beliefs for new values.” Unknown
We decided to take the trolley to and from anywhere we had to go, and leave the car where it was. I informed Derek that I would not be going with him to get the car. I would wait down on the street for him. I kept reminding him of that, telling him several times during the day that I did not want, under any circumstances, to ride in the elevator again. He didn’t say anything, in that vague kind of not saying anything way when you are not sure if it means “ya ok, no prob, you can wait for me” or “ya ok, no prob, you keep talking and believe whatever you want but you are coming with me and that’s that no need for me to discuss it with you further.” Derek is like that, he keeps his cards close to his chest.
Meanwhile, we trollied our little hearts out. All these young people kept standing up and offering us their seats, the ones that say they are reserved for the handicapped, mothers with small children or the elderly. Derek was quite put out that they were offering him a seat. I am not sure what he sees when he looks in the mirror. Maybe he thought that he had put on some weight around the middle and they thought he might be pregnant.
We ended up jumping off in the downtown area and as Derek grabbed my hand so we could run and catch the walk light up ahead, I managed to DEEEEEPLY massage my forehead with a metal sign. I started sobbing like a kid and he was hugging me, not so much to comfort me as it was to muffle the sounds of my wailing. I had to hit him so he would let go and I could breathe. He set me down on a bench seat and made me drink some water (his cure for everything) and wrapped my head with something – I suspect it was one of his tube socks. I had a goose egg. I was not feeling good. What kind of an idiot walks into a street sign? Not a young person, let me tell you. It had to be an taller, old person. The kind of person who just bought a caravan. I was starting to see a trend here and I didn’t like it. Continue reading
The family meal used to be an institution. Whatever was going on in your life, everyone was expected to check in for meal time.
It was a way to count heads, to make sure that everyone was safe, and to find out what had happened in our day. My grandparents used it as a time to teach and to talk about life. My brother often used it as an opportunity to tell everything I had done that might mean I was in trouble and he would get to choose the TV programming for the evening. I might have taken that same opportunity myself sometimes.
But it was more than that. Meals were connections and social times with other people. As children, we were always coached on our manners before people got there and given any special instructions that were required. It might be that our visiting Aunt had lost her leg to polio and walked with a limp. Under no circumstances were we to ask about it, or stare, or ask anything about whether she had any children, which she didn’t. I remember listening intently as my grandmother explained that she thought it would be too hard for a child to grow up with a mother who was missing a leg, and she did not want to embarrass them. I wanted to run up and hug my aunt and love her enough in that one evening to make up for all the children she should have had because she was such a beautiful lady. I knew any child would have loved her because I loved her. I couldn’t do that so instead, I was on my best behaviour. Continue reading
“A path is only a path, and there is no affront, to oneself or to others, in dropping it if that is what your heart tells you…Look at every path closely and deliberately. Try it as many times as you think necessary. Then ask yourself alone, one question…Does this path have a heart? If it does, the path is good; if it doesn’t it is of no use.” Carlos Castaneda
Sometimes life kicks the romance right out of you. Too much information can do that to you.
City girls love the idea of stepping out of the church and someone releases a bunch of white doves that flutter off into the sky. I think it is supposed to represent her virginity has just flown the coop never to be seen again or something like that. I would think, as her parents stand there and see the doves going all over the place and in different directions that they might be a bit concerned, but maybe some people can hold their symbolism in check.
I can’t. Continue reading
“The man who stands at death’s door, delivered by his own hand, who makes the choice, and fights to live, is a hero. He has faced the darkest demon, answered the deepest question, and chosen himself over all the fear, despair and pain the world could throw at him. He knows he stands alone but most importantly, he finally knows . . . that he is enough. ” Aria E. Appleford
“Some people can’t be in your life because they don’t have the power to help you improve it. That doesn’t mean you don’t wish them well; it just means that you are on chapter ten of your life, when they are on chapter five.” Shannon L. Alder
“Understand that as you are growing up, anytime at all, anything that is contradictory to the unconditional love that you know you are made of is presented to you, anytime you are forced by situations to limit yourself, to cut yourself off from that unlimited being that you are, anytime you are in anyway shape or form coerced into not being allowed to express the totality of your being, anytime that this occurs, you then choose to diminish your awareness of yourself just a little bit more. Just a little bit more, just a little bit more – fit into this mold, that mold, do it this way, this is the way it’s done, you must fit, you must fit, you must fit – you don’t want to be thought of as strange or unusual, you don’t want to be looked at as crazy and locked up. You must fit, you must belong – you must be one of us.
Alright, I’ll diminish myself a little bit more, and a little bit more, and a little bit more, because I want you to love me. I am missing the love, where is the love? Is this the way to get it? To accept what you are saying, to buy into your belief? If I believe as you do, if I limit myself, will you love me? Alright, I’ll limit myself.
But then after you are so good at doing that – thinking that you are doing it because that’s the way you are going to get the love that somehow isn’t there, that somehow isn’t unconditional, all of a sudden you begin to realize you’ve been doing it long enough that now you don’t know any other way to attract love, other than to continue to limit yourself. And so this is the process you are now going through, to break that chain of limitation, of self limitation, so that you can understand that you deserve unconditional love anyway, no matter what, just because you exist. There are no specific parameters that must exist to define you, to say that you must be this way in order to deserve the unconditional love that comes from All That Is.” Bashar
Is that even possible anymore?
Lately, my world has been coloured in a heavy flurry of conversation about copyright issues for artists etc online. The upshot is the usage of people’s work, for Pinterest, colouring pages, etc. You have the people who pin and try to give credit to the artist which is not always easy to do, and then the ones that use the pictures in the same way and maybe don’t. You have a huge group of people who are happy to do that and share with one another, recognizing that no-one is using them for financial gain, only for their own personal use. Of course, there are always people who go too far and do things like buy a colouring book and put up the pictures for people to copy and use without having to pay for the colouring book like they did. These are the “bad guys” – all the people mentioned above are put in this group.
Then you have the artists and the internet monitors. I am saying the artists because many of the monitors claim to be artists but there are not a lot of artists that I hear from regarding this, however, they may not have the time to be in the same arena’s I am in. The monitors want everyone to know what they are doing is a crime, they passionately explain why it is a crime and try to protect the rights and the livelihoods of the artists. They want everyone to stop what they are doing and pay for everything they use OR get permission directly from the artist to colour their pictures. They are the “good guys.” They want to force the bad guys into compliance, or enact the full measure of the law on them. Continue reading