Deconstructed Fashion for Walmart Shoppers. Outfit #332


Who doesn’t understand the concept of a power suit?  Everyone else shows up in whatever was under the bed when they rolled out of it and lay there on the floor debating whether they could fake another bout with the Bubonic Plague and surrendered to “not a chance in hell.”  That’s right, they are all wearing wrinkled shirts, pants with 3 or more stains on them, and someone’s shoes who as there are the party that weekend and may still be sleeping in the bathtub.

And then you show up in a suit, pressed, and plugged in.  POWER.

It isn’t just any suit either.  People get electrocuted if they even try to touch you and if somehow they manage to get past that, the razor wire craftily sewn into the seam bindings will slice them like butter.  You are untouchable!!

This one uses red in its “take me seriously or you will die” pattern.  Everyone knows that red is a power colour and that butterflies, while appearing to flutter gently, are actually trained killer ninja bugs.  You walk into the room in this and no-one stands a chance.  They immediately fire everyone in bigger offices and make you “God” of the office.  People fetch you coffee before you even know you want coffee.  They drink it for you and act peppy, if you don’t want it.  Other people fetch your dry cleaning, even if it is under other people’s beds and someone buffs your shoes, even if they are on someone else’s feet who put them on after their party.  Then they kill them for touching your things.

This model kills the look by wearing baby doll, mary jane, doesn’t-matter-what-you-call-them-only-little-girls-wear-these shoes.  It is a final “in your face” that says you are so powerful you don’t care that other people are going to laugh and call you names.  You will have someone kill them too.  You will even kill Mary Jane if she wakes up in your bathtub while you are at work and wants her shoes back.

I would type more but my back hurts from being on the floor typing this, bowing to the power of this look.  You should buy it and rule the world.  Start saving.

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