Me. Me. Me.

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I saw this video this morning, clicked on it to view it on You Tube and was blown away by how many videos there are on this subject.

Articles, books and information regarding Narcissists and Gaslighting are everywhere. It begs the question as to how, when there is so much information out there, people still don’t understand the way they are behaving is not normal?

Why? Because Narcissists, like Psychopaths, do not have empathy. They don’t ever look at themselves or take responsibility for their lives.

It brings me back to my assertion that the two groups of people being polarized around the world are not defined by religion, race, or colour but rather those who have the ability to see and care, and those who no longer do or never did.

In our everyday lives narcissists are the mean girls. They are the in-crowd. They are the people in all our lives who make our lives a living hell, mainly because, as the video points out, these people rely on gathering the pack around them to push their agenda.   The “pack” are other narcissists who will support their lies and agree to help them “get” their intended victim.  Those who belong to the pack have a code that says they will never be dissuaded or persuaded by the truth.  There is only the lie that they must all adopt and support, and they are all in!

Narcissists have a sick “village” backing their lives and empowering them to bomb the lives of people who dared to say “no” to them or to walk away. They are the people who never accept any responsibility for anything, but blame others and make it their business to  create chaos in all our lives. They are the people who make no sense in what they ask from us because what they want changes from moment to moment and has nothing to do with what they wanted yesterday. These are the people who cannot let anything go. They make hit lists and they are their own hit man, only they shoot you over and over again with non-lethal bullets because they would not know how to get through the day without their hate and planning for revenge, on you.

There is no way to engage them or defeat them. You don’t win with a narcissist.  There is only one way to handle them.

You walk away. And you watch who they gather up from your shared life together to join them as they begin to plot how they will destroy you.  Take names.  And then, go to your Facebook Account, and to all your Social media connections . . . and delete them all.

Pay attention to the people you do not even know, who suddenly are hating you. And thank your lucky stars that out of this failed relationships (family/friend/partner) at least you found some truth.  You can clean house.

Go somewhere safe where you can breathe and find your equilibrium. Build a strong wall back around your life, with activities you enjoy that keep you busy, and people who really know you and will remind you of that in those moments of weakness you will have. Remember that this is not your problem, it is theirs. Let it go. Move on.

Gossip and anger happens. There is a new subject every nanosecond. The only way to deal with it is to not fan the flames with the wind of your response. You simply don’t react. The fire will end up choking on itself with only used, burnt wood left to fuel it. It may seem beyond painful, it may seem like it is taking forever, but it will end.

And for all of us who interact with people.  Beware.  Beware of the “friend” who sits down with you, full of the events of their life where they are too willing to share all the details of some tragedy in their life, but the story is full of blame, and it is the other person, and they did absolutely nothing wrong.  Beware the the “friend” who requires you to accept their life experiences with others to guide your own relationship with that person.  Do us all a favour.  Don’t encourage them.  Don’t even be a silent partner in their efforts to “get even.”

These people destroy lives.  They push people over the edge.  They use innocent children to achieve their desired goals.  They feed on the sense of approval they get from you, even if it is just a silence that suggests you are okay or in agreement with what they are saying and doing.

These people exist and continue because there are far too many of us who sit and do nothing at best, and at worst, we join in with them.   Bullies are not just the big kids on the play ground who are always willing to pick a fight.  Sometimes they are the “nicest” person we know, who has gathered a whole community around them to support the great injustice that has been done to them.  Sometimes they are the people who have even strangers defending them on social media, threatening to beat up or even kill someone they don’t even know, or have never met, simply because of the things they have been told.  Think about that.  It is bad enough to want to cause harm to other people based on our own experiences, but when we do it because of something we know nothing about, concerning someone we have never met . . . what the HELL is wrong with you?

6 thoughts on “Me. Me. Me.

  1. The art of non-reaction… the hardest one to master and so damned important to surviving life on this planet. Bravo. xx

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    • Yes but it also ends up being incredibly satisying in this case because in actuality, there is nothing that ruins their day more than when no-one shows up at the bike stands to fight them after all.

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  2. Aria,, thanks to you!! I recently broke it off with a narc approx 2 months ago, the way I did it was followed a link from you to u tube and learned about narcs and co-dependents. The break up was so painful I could hardly breath, I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t go anywhere, cry, just every emotion you could imagine down to the worst,, I got through it by watching u tube video’s all day long, if I started feeling bad I stopped everything and watched video’s. Then, I started building a circle of a few friends like it says to do 1 by 1, I am now up to 6, I think this is about the happiest I have ever been in my life and im 60 years old. It feels so good knowing that im not getting put down by someone (narc) for not doing anything wrong. The people I have chosen are caring, they don’t talk bad about anyone they know, they don’t blame things on others, they just fill my day with love and kindness and im able to give back and feel good about it, not feel like im being used. I started dating this guy 4 months after my daughter died in dec.2014, I needed that attention that he gave me and the laughter, but in the back of my mind I knew things weren’t right, when I got this link for u tube is when I was able to break off and fight my way out,, I didn’t want to believe me, but it worked and I now feel so good, he is just a bad glimmer in my mind, a good person, but one to stay away from, I know what to look for in the future to not go to that dark place again. I love you, I love your blog, and thank you!! god, thank you

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    • I wonder how many other people get to the point in their lives where they say “stop” or “enough” and they clear the playing field and begin again, carefully choosing what and who they add? I wonder because I did something so similar to what you describe after my husband died. And now I take complete charge of everything in my life and rather than submit myself to situations or people I refuse to let them get comfortable and rent a room in my life. I get a lot of flack for it but it just amuses me that people think they have a right to behave badly and an expectation that if they do, others will allow it. Isn’t it strange that people choose the drama and misery and that they consider those who refuse to engage to be incredibly rude? Thanks for your kind words and for sharing that. Our stories are so important because within them are answers for others and a light of hope for those seeking. Women, particularly need to refind that bond of sisterhood and be together and provide the soul that is womanhood.

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