Katelyn Nicole Davis (Dolly)

katelyn-nicole-davis-suicide

Katelyn Nicole Davis (Dolly) 12 years old. She shared her heart with us, wanting some reassurance, and we showed her the ugliest part of being human – that part within humans, where they believe that everything is a competition and that they can only win by making sure someone else loses.

How does a 12-year-old make the decision to end her life and do so, exiting out of it with a string of apologies for letting everyone down?  What did we expect from her?  How could her life come and go and seem to mean so little to this world?  Such a beautiful, sweet girl.  Look at her.  How fitting is her nickname of “Dolly?”  Most of us will feel terrible about this little girl committing suicide and we will look at the actual people who did this to her in a “them” and “me” type of lens, but we all contributed to this and the many other cases of bullying that goes on everywhere.

Every time we model a way of behaving and acting that reinforces the idea that someone has to lose in order for you to really win, we feed those who cannot police their own actions enough to see that what they are doing is destroying another human being. When someone gets to the point where they can see and hear the pain of their “victim” and they feel no empathy that suggests they should stop what they are doing, THAT person is capable of this and so much more. The pathetic thing is, the perpetrators are even bigger cowards, struggling with insecurities, than the people they bully.

So parents, when you joke and laugh about how you got even or will get even with someone who crossed you, take a look at where your children are and if they are ANYWHERE in the house with you, they can probably hear you. When you talk about other people in negative ways … check again. Think about your life, your career, the sports you play – can you win and lose with grace or is it a drama fest either way? How we treat others teaches our children everything about themselves and about how they should act towards others, except it is amplified because their emotions are still all mixed up and their self-control will be several years in the making.

Consider that when you make a casual remark, at the expense of someone, how it can feed someone in your adult circle who may already have lost their empathy. If they admire you they gain a sense of their reactions being acceptable. While you might not ever bully a child for fun, they might.  Consider all the times you see bullying going on, even when it is not life and death, and you say or do nothing. Consider all the times we are bullied ourselves on our social media by supposed “friends” and how we struggle to “not make a big deal of it.”  What message are we sending?

WE HAVE CREATED A WORLD WHERE BULLYING IS PART OF THE SOCIAL INTERACTION. We have made room for it. We live with it, and while we may not be happy about it, we have come to accept it is there, just as we accept that cockroaches exist and are probably in our house. One person cannot spray and watch diligently, protecting their lives from the insects while all the other neighbours are lax and uncaring about the problem. No matter how hard one person works you cannot keep your house safe if no-one else is trying.  Everyone has to do their part.

So today, for Katelyn, make a resolution for zero tolerance in your life. Police YOUR actions and reactions and take the time to talk to your kids and family about a 12-year-old who ended up committing suicide. So many discussions that need to happen right now, but let’s do it differently today. Instead of focusing on the “victims” and preaching to them about internet safety, let’s target the bully’s and commit ourselves and our families to insisting on a different attitude. No one is meant to “win” when it comes to life, not under the definition of being the biggest or the fastest, the first, or the prettiest, the wealthiest or the most powerful. That type of winning is for competitions where everyone entering knows there can only be one winner and they are all trained for the battle to do exactly that. We all have a life. We can all be successful, beautiful, rich, etc etc. We can actually make it there faster by stopping and helping one another. It is more enjoyable when we share the experience with others. LIFE is NOT a competition. LOVE is not a limited supply. COMPASSION expands and grows, breathing life into all of us, every time we flex even the smallest part of it into our actions.

Katelyn should have been met with some reassurance that she was beautiful. She should have felt the wall of love that is now enfolding her and her devastated family. Why do we always wait until it is too late to show we care.  If Katelyn could see today, how much she matters, would it have made a difference?

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4 thoughts on “Katelyn Nicole Davis (Dolly)

  1. Reading your blog I’m not sure if you watched all Katelyn’s video’s. If you haven’t watched and read everything she documented and put out there for everyone to see, you really should take the time. If you do or maybe already have I’m sure you will agree it breaks your heart to the core. Some things you will learn from Katelyn:
    Stepfather she said beat her, verbally and sexually assaulted her. She also said her said she should go hang herself and that he would even buy the rope so she could kill herself.
    Her Mother Katelyn claimed knew about the abuses she endured but did nothing but pop pills and call her a liar.
    Katelyn had attempted suicide several times with the last being from what I understand middle to late November. When she was released she was supposed to be watched at all times. Her mother was told if she tries again she will most likely succeed.
    You will also get to know Katelyn as a person. I’m sure you would agree she was very talented, kind, beautiful, had a very captivating charisma and at the same time her pain/depression was very evident. I believe she made all these live stream video’s to escape her painful reality and to make meaningful connections with other people. I am not certain that she made any real connections but she believed she did. Her strongest connection seemed to be with an 19 year old out of state boy that called himself luke. She said Luke was her boyfriend and she was in love with him but he also objectified her and tried to get revealing photo’s. A good amount if not the majority of the people following her broadcasts were predators that constantly hounded her to show some skin and saying how sexy she was. While others were just bullies aimed at putting her down. The night of the 29th she had a huge fight with her mother. The morning till noon stream she made she expressed she woke up in a really bad mood and it was visible. Something bad happened between her morning stream and when she streamed her suicide. Based on her final words I wonder if Luke broke if off with her (destroyed the illusion). She didn’t say she was sorry to Luke for killing herself but rather apologised saying I’m sorry for not being pretty enough, smart enough or good enough for him. One of the most painful things to deal with is losing someone you love. That reason alone causes many people to commit suicide. When you factor the abuses she suffered from the people that were supposed to love and protect her depression, brain chemical altering drugs she was put on, Possible relationship breakup, whatever happened during the 5 hour gap between streams. When she started her last stream she looked as if she was a little angry. When she was setting up the implements of her suicide, she kept checking her phone and one time she seemed to get the angered look again. Come to find out at least one person on her live stream was pushing to kill herself saying do it now, do it, do it over and over as if to block out anyone saying please stop. This poor girl didn’t have a chance with all she was dealing with. There are no words to accurately describe how absolutely tragic her death was and how much of a tremendous loss the people who knew and loved her will have to endure.

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    • Thank you for the background. I could not bring myself to watch more than one of her videos, it was the first one she posted. I could see and feel her insecurity and the alerting article that I read talked of her having a troubled life and about her being depressed etc. The pain I felt about her death was a bit overwhelming and I wrote the post almost immediately.

      Isn’t it sad that there are people who obviously troll the internet just looking for someone so vulnerable to bully. They feed off one another and operate like a pack of lions moving in for the kill. There is no doubt she was reaching out. Those videos were her cry for help. Children, seldom have the words to ask for what they need, or to say what needs to be said. That is why committed, involved parenting is so important. It is in all that nonsensical jabbering that they do, where they slip in a word or a phrase that will be a clue. Parents can “skim” over the daily, after school torrent, like we do magazines, but when we hear something out of the ordinary, we are immediately on alert. We then begin a series of careful questions to unravel the story the child is trying to tell.

      Children have told me, “I don’t know how to tell my mom that I love her.” I have heard teens explain that they said certain things in front of their parents wanting them to be shocked, to stop them, to protect them . . . I was reminded of all of that with what I saw of Katelyn. She hoped that someone would rescue her, would love her, would fill her broken life with meaning and maybe even put her back together. Except, we now live in a world where all the things you talk about that you learned about her life, are ordinary and even boring, on the list of things that could possibly be shocking. She is one of probably quite a few kids in her school who are living that life. No-one cares … except the predators who are always on the prowl for victims.

      Should they be found, those people should be prosecuted. Why are we protecting people who are no longer moved by the acute pain or suffering of another human being? What possible contribution can these people ever make to society? Empathy, compassion, are the strongest emotions we have as human beings. With them we have humanity. Without them, we are animals. In that respect, is Katelyn (and others like her) our canaries in the darkened mine that has become our world?

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