Roy

“My Love”  by Sia

My love, leave yourself behind,
Beat inside me, leave you blind.
My love, you have found peace.
You were searching for relief.

You gave it all,
Gave into the call.
You took a chance and
You took a fall for us.

You came thoughtfully,
Loved me faithfully
You taught me honor,
You did it for me.

Today you will sleep away
You will wait for me, my love

Now I am strong (now I am strong)
You gave me all
You gave all you had, and now I am whole.

My love, leave yourself behind
Beat inside me, leave you blind.
My love, look what you can do.
I am mending, I’ll be with you.

You took my hand, added a plan,
You gave me your heart.
I asked you to dance with me.

You loved honestly,
Gave what you could release.
Ah oh.

I know in peace you’ll go.
I hope relief is yours.

Now I am strong (now I am strong).
You gave me all.
You gave all you had, and now I am whole.

My love beat inside me
My love

My love, leave yourself behind,
Beat inside me, I’ll be with you.

Today it has been 7,555 days since you passed away.

Your imprint on our lives is evident in the happiness I am privileged to feel and live each and every day. How thankful I am for the journey we shared and all that it taught us.

I still miss you and wonder why you had to go so very soon.

If not for you and all of our time together, I would not be here, I would not be the person I am today. I hope your time is equally full of happiness and peace.

One day we shall meet again, face to face….

Just A Place I Used To Be

hold on

When did it happen? Somewhere, seemingly in the night, while I lay sleeping, life shifted.

It changed from this epic journey I was on where everything was possible, to a journey I had been on. Like a roller coaster ride, I boarded it, so excited and full of excitement and then suddenly we were climbing the biggest hill, pausing at the top, taking in the view and then whizzing around the track, laughing, gasping, holding on for dear life, barely able to scan ahead to see what was coming next. And then, suddenly you could feel it begin to lose its momentum and the ups and downs began to lessen and level out. The curves were not as tight and the speed was lost and you knew you were heading for the platform where the ride ends.

How we would wish for one more big thrill. But no matter how hard we wished, the ride was coming to an end.

I woke up one morning and the way I looked at things was different. Nothing had happened, there had not been some big epiphany, nor had I made a monumental choice, it was just different. Once where I would look at something and it felt like a someday possibility, things now remind me that part is over. There is a sadness all mixed up in my go to it attitude and joy of life. Continue reading

What is REAL?

rabbit

I have never seen the world as it is. I freely admit that.

I don’t ever remember any time of knowing where I did not completely understand that I was different. I have always understood that how I see things and the way I think about them, is NOT how other people do. I had two choices, to forget who I was, or not. Except it is never as simple as that. Choosing to hold on to me came at a bigger cost. It meant I would probably always be on my own at best, and at worst, I would be the one that others directed all their personal angst at. I would make myself a life-long target.

It might have been different if being me was about going quietly on my way but being me is loud and full of laughter and excitement and enthusiasm. It is compassion spilt all over everywhere and tears . . . tons and tons of tears . . . sometimes in sorrow but also in pure joy and love. I love people with loud exclamations. I fight for the people I love and I fight for those that no-one loves. I never sit down and keep my mouth shut. I see everything. And everything means something to me. I scream for people to see the elephant. I draw chalk outlines and colour it in so that everyone has to be able to see it. I call people liars when they refuse to see it.

I have never learned how to hide what I am under a bushel. Continue reading

home

Going Home

home

This year I returned to Canada. I had been going back once, twice a year, for awhile but once my mother in law became ill, and our daughter here was having problems, we found ourselves landlocked for almost 3 years.

Moving to a new country set off an emotional conflict within. Where is home? I am living here in Australia but am not connected to it or people in the way I was once connected to Canada. Yet, I am no longer in Canada and people move on without me and I have been making my own journey that has led me far from what was once so familiar.

I felt guilt that returning to Canada leaves me with more and more apprehension while returning to Australia feels more and more like a home coming. I felt that on the very first journey here. It was like my soul had come home to a place where it belonged. I had never truly felt “at home” anywhere, but one visit to Australia changed that. It was the feeling, a generalized, non specific feeling not attached to anything, or even logic.  It just occupied my heart and nurtured it in a way I had never known before.  I felt my soul letting out a long and deep sigh.  I settled in, and I never wanted to leave. Continue reading

Life’s Invitation.

only 3 things

This has been a really difficult past few weeks.  I find sometimes life just grabs hold of you and throws you off the cliff and things you thought you knew, you didn’t, and nothing makes sense anymore.

Of course, the go to reaction is to run home crying to your mommy and complain that the world is unfair and ask to have your boo boo kissed better.

But I am not a child. Continue reading

How To Avoid Disaster at a Funeral.

time to say goodbye

Death is a difficult time.  The dynamics and emotions involved often create situations unlike any others you will ever encounter and despite the intentions of the best of families the situation often deteriorates into unhappiness for those left behind.  Many of the incidents that cause the drama could be easily avoided with some careful planning.

  1. Make sure everyone knows who the executor is.  The executor has to carry out the last wishes and cannot know those last wishes unless they have frequent conversations and ask questions.  The executor then needs to guide the family through the process of the  final wishes.

Continue reading