“Lying is done with words, and also with silence.” Adrienne Rich
“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” Plato
Hollywood has erupted with a number of actresses coming forward to speak out regarding the abuse they suffered at the hands of American Producer Harvey Weinstein. Weinstein and his brother founded Miramax which has been responsible for successful films such as Pulp Fiction and Good Will Hunting. He has received numerous awards for his work and has been active in issues such as AIDS and Juvenile Diabetes. He was, undoubtedly, a Hollywood powerhouse who had the connections to make or break careers.
Sexual assault is rampant around the world and I have long been an active voice speaking out against it as well as advocating for the victims. I am in no way minimizing what any woman suffers in my comments regarding this particular case but I have some serious concerns and I think they are concerns that should be shared.
Lately, there has been a whole stream of public figures who stand accused of various sexual assaults. Some people are hopeful that this signals a new willingness to expose these atrocities and that they represent our commitment to draw a line in the sand and say “No more.” We seem to circumvent the whole legal process meant to determine guilt and jump straight to judgement. Guilt appears to be amplified by the public lives of the accused. Is it easier for us to comment on a life that we already feel we have a right to because we see them in our own homes on our media devices and on the news? It appears to at least polarize the accusers as legitimate and the accused as guilty. No-one seems to worry about questioning what we read and hear. A trial and its outcome are irrelevant. As long as you have Gloria Allred on one side of the microphone, the truth is irrelevant.
The story never dies and the accused, even if innocent, will never completely recover. Continue reading
I so respect your right to have any pet you want. I even respect your right to have a pet that I would never want to have. Truly, I have your back on that issue. I would never chose to have a cat as a pet but you go right ahead.
I think some people chose a cat as a pet because they do not require a lot of upkeep. Compared to a dog, they are smaller, more independent, seldom hurt or kill other people, cost less to feed, do not need to be exercised and know how to bury their own faeces in a neat little sandbox you can empty once in a while without too much hassle. Not having to “train” them in the art of bathrooming is a big plus. You can give your child or yourself a furry companion but not be tied down in the same way you are with a dog. Cats are pretty resilient and much more forgiving as far as recovering from neglect. But let’s talk serious here for a moment; having a pet comes with lots of responsibilities. I am sure that you bought your kitty lots of cool toys and that you feed them regularly. You may even let your cat sleep with you. Funny how they become such a big part of your family so quickly, isn’t it?
You know what is not funny? It’s not funny that YOUR cat roams all over the neighbourhood forcing all the rest of us to share in your cat ownership. You see, I would love to have a pet. I don’t because our lifestyle would not support that. We travel a lot and I know we would not be able to commit to the time and energy a pet would need. I thought a lot about that, and sadly, realized, it would be irresponsible for me to try and take on a pet, even an independent cat.
So what I do, is I have compensated. I love the birds and the little lizards, geckos, the possums, the wallabies and the kangaroos. I even love the little rabbits that occasionally show up in our yard. We planted our yard to facilitate all of them. I have a debilitating illness that sees me spend most of my time indoors so my husband went to some lengths – effort and finances – to plant all kinds of trees and bushes outside the windows of my office and my bedroom to attract the birds I love. It has allowed me to enjoy them up close and personal. These have become MY pets and while none of them share my bed, I can assure you that I love them and take pleasure in them every bit as much as you do your cat. Continue reading
Yes, we all bleed.
I am not ashamed of the fact.
I just don’t think it is necessary for me to celebrate it by bleeding all over the place so that other women will feel more powerful. Neither do I particularly want to see other women bleed. I accept other women’s word that they bleed. I don’t need to see their underwear or their bed sheets. I don’t polygraph women I meet so that I can sort my friends into “bleeders” and “non-bleeders” and relegate the “non-bleeders” into the ineffective, powerless women pile.
We read about periods all the way back in the Bible and other texts of the time where it was the practice to have women remove themselves from the other people and go off and live in a tent until their period was over. If the Nasty Bleeder’s Movement (aka the Women’s Movement) had been involved, they would have been angry about them being segregated. They would have fought for the rights of these women to be able to powerfully bleed anywhere they wanted to, including all over the town, the people and their families. Then there would be no need for all this fuss today because we probably wouldn’t even be here. Blood contains germs that can cause serious infections and while women may have experienced euphoric episodes that could be described as powerful, they probably would have wiped out the rest of their people with some kind of plague. You know .. the heat, no big box of sanitary pads, not a lot of opportunities to bathe … that kind of thing. BUT you can’t argue that efforts to have women celebrate themselves and assert their right to equality by bleeding everywhere would have been more “fair” to the women. Who likes to have to go to a separate tent for a week or more? That seems pretty cruel. After all, apply the Nasty Bleeder’s Movement primary litmus test to the problem and they have a point. Men don’t have to do it. Go on, say it with a whine. It sounds much more realistic that way. Remember, above all else, all women want everything a man has and more. We want to bleed publicly. Continue reading
The emotions we hold in our body speak to our brains and tell it to start producing life-affirming or life-denying chemistry. That chemistry impacts all our organs and floods our body. Positive emotions cause life-enhancing chemistry to be released and negative emotions cause the release of life-denying chemistry. Fear, anger and hate are some of the most negative emotions we feel while love and compassion are the most powerful, positive emotions.
We are killing ourselves by defining our lives with hate.
I will talk with anyone but I will not allow hate into my conversations or my space. I am in control of me and I choose to hold onto love with all my being. Continue reading
I am a woman.
I had periods and bled on sheets.
But my voice does not matter, my voice was not wanted. My message fit in with those who were told they were not welcome to march with the women of the world, so while the march spoke out for women “everywhere,” I sat at home.
I sit with many women who chose a different path than many of those who marched. That choice, evidently makes us all now, women who do not matter. We do not have a place at the table. Our input into important issues is not permitted. We are the women, who are sent to the outer tents when we bleed. We are not allowed to contaminate the others, except our exile is not for one week of the month . . . ours is permanent.
There can be no doubt that we are women. We had mothers and fathers who loved us, we played with dolls, we did all the girl things with the other girls. We went to university or got a job. We married and some divorced, we had kids and some of us grand babies and even great grand babies. We have careers or stayed home. We met situations that were difficult and yes, some of us were raped, some of us abused. Some of us were/are paid far less than we are worth. Some of us have been horribly discriminated against. Some of us are religious. We are rich and poor, overweight and underweight. We are varying degrees of attractive. Some of us conquer mountains, some of us conquer diapers. We are women no different than those who marched. But they told us we were not the right kind of women, and so we couldn’t join them. While they said they wanted “everyone’s” support – that did not include ours. Had we marched, had we said anything, our voice would have been “booed,” because these women are not about love and inclusion … this is just one big mean girl’s party. Continue reading
Katelyn Nicole Davis (Dolly) 12 years old. She shared her heart with us, wanting some reassurance, and we showed her the ugliest part of being human – that part within humans, where they believe that everything is a competition and that they can only win by making sure someone else loses.
How does a 12-year-old make the decision to end her life and do so, exiting out of it with a string of apologies for letting everyone down? What did we expect from her? How could her life come and go and seem to mean so little to this world? Such a beautiful, sweet girl. Look at her. How fitting is her nickname of “Dolly?” Most of us will feel terrible about this little girl committing suicide and we will look at the actual people who did this to her in a “them” and “me” type of lens, but we all contributed to this and the many other cases of bullying that goes on everywhere. Continue reading