We all have our own stories to tell of our childhood, some more damaging than others. I am still struggling to put together the words that can move the darkness of my childhood into the light, where I can finally and ultimately let it go and set myself free.
Sometimes it is difficult to do that, especially when so much effort was made to keep it all hidden.
But sometimes, it is easy to get stuck on the pain and to allow our anger or our sense of victimhood to wrap around us as if it were our very skin. We get lost. We forget who we are, and without the very people who were supposed to love, nurture and protect us, there is no-one to hold on to the memory of who we once were. Parents are meant to do that. They are meant to know and understand who we are and to hold that for us while we travel physically and emotionally through life, struggling to find ourselves. They are meant to be the touchstone of our lives that pull us back to the mirror where they say, “See, you are beautiful. You are capable. You are Loved.”
Somewhere in the forest of pain and sorrow that littered my growing up, I grew 8 ft tall and I stepped up to parent myself. I am not saying that I did everything perfectly. I doubt I did much of anything perfectly, but I did survive. Continue reading →
I went to a first aid course once. It was mandatory for all of us in the department so we were attending with other people from the office and let me tell you, when we walked in there and saw there was a dummy for each of us I didn’t even try to restrain my relief. It is such a heavy burden to know that everyone would want to be partnered with me and that some would probably want to fight it out and others might become suicidal. All that emotion gets tiring and I was already a little fatigued. But when I saw those dummies, I was so relieved, I hooted and hollered and jumped up and down on the table until I choked on my candy and the instructor had to do the Heimlich manoeuvre on me. Continue reading →
Every human being wants to be loved and to feel that they belong. In order for there to be a place for a person to fit, they have to contribute in some way to the relationship, the group, or the project. When we feel needed, we feel invested. Our being invested means that we are part of the whole who is tending the whole, instead of us all being isolated and only self focused. Science is just now waking up to the fact that people need to have connections with one another. It is vital for our emotional, spiritual, and physical health. Continue reading →
How to Save Your Child and Yourself
From the Effects of
Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS)
Dr. Reena Sommer
Anyone one who has experienced or witnessed a child’s outright rejection of a parent with whom they once shared a reciprocally warm, loving, nurturing relationship will understand how devastating the effects of parental alienation syndrome can be. Perhaps more painful than experiencing a son or daughter’s rejection is watching that child’s own sense of confusion, bewilderment and grief mount through a denial of a parent’s love and a bond that developed from birth. (more here …)
Interesting to note the date on this… 2008! We have to wake up. Not just the parents who are offending, but the step parents, and all those around these people who either actively or unwittingly contributes to this.
A great, comprehensive article. I find myself asking about what happens to the child who has been raised as PAS victim? How do they fare in later life? It appears they have a lot of damage that you just sort of hope some therapist eventually understands and can help them with. What has your experience been???
I came across this article on Why Anger is the New Sex by Joanne Chen. It speaks of the growing trend towards anger and suggests it is a good thing. While I do agree it is important for people to express their feelings, anger is an emotional choice we make to express our feelings and I do not agree it is a healthy nor a desirable outcome to subject someone else to your angry tirade.
I think he was pretty sure the world revolved around him and the rest of us were simply there to enhance his life.
Don’t get me wrong. There are lots of wonderful things about my grandfather and he was loved by many people. He had admirable qualities. I just have never been one to be blinded by love to the point where I don’t see people as they really are, complete with warts . . . and I sometimes think that makes me love them even more because they seem more approachable somehow. I know I have warts and I find it fascinating to “study” other people. Continue reading →