“The slogan “Don’t misinterpret” means don’t impose the wrong notion of what harmony is, what compassion is, what patience is, what generosity is. Don’t misinterpret what these things really are. There is compassion and there is idiot compassion; there is patience and there is idiot patience; there is generosity and there is idiot generosity. For example, trying to smooth everything out to avoid confrontation, to not rock the boat, is not what is meant by compassion or patience. That’s what is meant by control. Then you are not trying to step into unknown territory, to find yourself naked with less protection and therefore more in contact with reality. Instead, you use the idiot forms of compassion and so forth just to get ground.
When you open the door and invite in all sentient beings as your guests, you have to drop your agenda. Many different people come in. Just when you think you have a little scheme that is going to work, it doesn’t work. It may be very beneficial to one person, but when you try it on the next person, he looks at you as if you’re crazy, and when you try it on somebody else, she gets insulted. Coming up with a formula won’t work. You don’t know what’s going to help, but all the same you need to speak and act with clarity and decisiveness. Clarity and decisiveness come from the willingness to slow down, to listen to look at what’s happening. They come from opening your heart and not running away. Then your actions and speech accord with what needs to be done – for you and for the other person.” Pema Chödrön
I have a pretty clear idea of human beings. I see their dark and their light and am not consumed with the need to label ‘good,’ or ‘bad.” I see simply nature and a journey.
Kids make mistakes, they can steal and lie, it does not make them career criminals. I know circumstances can push people beyond the protective action barrier they would normally respect in their everyday lives. Continue reading
“We can’t hate ourselves into a version of ourselves we can love.” Lori Deschene
One of the benefits of growing older is the lessening of the intensity that compels us to “fit in” or to be like everyone else. Some of us women take a long time to be able to sit comfortably with ourselves. Some of us never get there.
I don’t know how to be anyone but me. Being someone else has never been an option. I think it may have something to do with the life force that kept me alive during the abuse of my childhood, it had to be large and overwhelming so now I struggle to do things – especially those things that everyone else is doing exactly the same. It seems to be my private declaration that I am me. Continue reading
Sometimes people insist they want nothing to do with other people, citing something that person has done – often it is something that happened a long time ago. That kind of response is usually accompanied by a line like “Until she gets her act straightened out . . . ” or “Until he apologizes . . . ” etc.
We all do stupid stuff when we were kids. We have all done things in our lives that we are not particularly proud of and often, with time and distance, we see how we could have/should have done things differently. It is not always possible or practical to ring up people or send announcements about how we have grown or changed. You can be pretty sure if more than a year has passed that person is most likely in a completely different head space, just like you are. Life is movement. Some of us jump in and swim with the flow and others are taken prisoner and carried along with the rest of the debris, whether they want to kick and scream, sleep on a bit of drift wood, or just hang on for dear life. Continue reading
There is always a way through things. Sometimes it is hard for us to see that, or believe it, which is why it is wonderful to have someone else you are connected to in such a way that you can share your thoughts as you work through things. That someone who will help you explore, allow you the complete range of emotions the situation demands, without holding you to those emotions or the words spoken when you are in the midst of a trial, is pretty priceless. Some of us are lucky enough to have people like that in our life.
We don’t always need people to give us answers, but sometimes their different perspective on a situation, can be invaluable. Continue reading