“Admit it. You aren’t like them. You’re not even close. You may occasionally dress yourself up as one of them, watch the same mindless television shows as they do, maybe even eat the same fast food sometimes. But it seems that the more you try to fit in, the more you feel like an outsider, watching the “normal people” as they go about their automatic existences. For every time you say club passwords like “Have a nice day” and “Weather’s awful today, eh?”, you yearn inside to say forbidden things like “Tell me something that makes you cry” or “What do you think deja vu is for?”. Face it, you even want to talk to that girl in the elevator. But what if that girl in the elevator (and the balding man who walks past your cubicle at work) are thinking the same thing? Who knows what you might learn from taking a chance on conversation with a stranger? Everyone carries a piece of the puzzle. Nobody comes into your life by mere coincidence. Trust your instincts. Do the unexpected. Find the others…” Timothy Leary
We have all had the experience of being accused of doing or thinking something that we didn’t. We are shocked that someone would think us capable of such a thing. Often we are left to deal with the realization that the people around us really do not know us.
Developing self esteem involves a lot of practical steps that deal not only with how we view others, but the import we place on what others think of us. Everyone wants to feel like they are accepted and belong somewhere and when that is not the case, it can be painful. Continue reading
When we are children our parents tell us how to behave and control a great deal of who we are – with their infusion of fears, beliefs, and love. They define the world around us and guide our reactions.
While we are in school we learn about the “greater good.” Our communities and churches have expectations as well as the teachers and the school. Even the kids who are making their own journeys send messages about who we are and who we aren’t. They weigh in with their expectations regarding our behaviour. It is tough to remember who we are, even tougher to have the courage to stay true to our own path. Continue reading
“When I was little and running on the race track at school, I always stopped and waited for all the other kids so we could run together even though I knew (and everybody else knew) that I could run much faster than all of them! I pretended to read slowly so I could “wait” for everyone else who couldn’t read as fast as I could! When my friends were short I pretended that I was short too and if my friend was sad I pretended to be unhappy. I could go on and on about all the ways I have limited myself, my whole life, by “waiting” for people. And the only thing that I’ve ever received in return is people thinking that they are faster than me, people thinking that they can make me feel bad about myself just because I let them and people thinking that I have to do whatever they say I should do. My mother used to teach me “Cinderella is a perfect example to be” but I have learned that Cinderella can go fuck herself, I’m not waiting for anybody, anymore! I’m going to run as fast as I can, fly as high as I can, I am going to soar and if you want you can come with me! But I’m not waiting for you anymore.” C. Joybell C
I do have to thank the internet for teaching me to simply block the people that irritate me, or stop following them, or mute them, or don’t read what they write.
I have a choice.
No need to engage them and start WW3. But it also has given me the courage to ignore the attacks on me because I don’t NEED you to like or approve of me. Continue reading
I am keeping my focus on the people that are here with me.
I am not like anyone else and comparing myself to anyone else has no other outcome except to leave me as less. If I see others as better than me, I have stamped that idea into my psyche. It I see myself as better than others, I am not seeing clearly. We pick the parts of people that further our own agenda’s and insecurities. We gather the proof we need, sometimes having to ignore blatant facts to reach our conclusions. Continue reading
The abuse and neglect of my childhood really delivered me some unexpected gifts.
Within the limited understanding of a child, and perhaps having more to do with survival than anything else, I managed to work out that making myself invisible was perhaps the best course of action. It meant I spent most of my time in my own company. The reality of the “world” seemed insane to me and so I was quite happy to retreat to my own. This meant there was nothing else to be done except to make friends with and get to know … myself. Continue reading