How Dare You?

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Yesterday I was in the grocery store waiting for my husband by the exit when a little boy, anxious to help his mommy, ran ahead to push a door open for her. Unfortunately, he chose the emergency exit door, which, in fairness to the child, from his height, looked like a regular door. Immediately a shrill piercing alarm began to sound and I did a slow pan across the front of the store looking for the manager who I was sure would be running with his jangling keys in hand to remedy the situation.

I stopped mid pan at a little boy who was standing with his dad.  He was sobbing, burying his head into his dad’s leg, trying to alternately press one ear and then the other against dad so he could stop the noise. I instantly knew he had Asperger’s. His chest was heaving in an out and the terror on his face was painful to see. His dad picked him up, spoke comforting words that everything was OK and took him outside away from the noise. My husband came and we headed outside as well.

The father was talking the little boy through it, telling him what had happened and constantly reassuring him he was safe.  He spoke calmly and quietly and gently maintained physical contact with the boy at all times.  He was encouraging him to stand on his own and he was leading him through processing it all. Continue reading

Paedophilia, The War For Our Minds.

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Someone asked me about why I am so concerned about the shows, the comedians etc … talking about paedophilia like it is no big deal. What is the harm? It is just entertainment after all, isn’t it?

Predictive programming.

It’s a form of mind control.  It is a way of steering people by putting ideas and thoughts into our consciousness so that it becomes common, acceptable, no big deal. You think you are being entertained but you are being programmed. Why do people advertise using all the forms of media? Because it works. Repetition trains our thinking – this is why education used rote for so many years to learn the alphabet, counting, multiplication tables, etc.  Annoying ads are effective because we have a strong emotional reaction to them and that becomes a trigger to lead us to think of the company or product when we have need of what they are selling. We may not want to, but we cannot help ourselves.

If we have been sitting in front of a screen for some time we are in a state similar to hypnosis where the things we are hearing skip right by our conscious mind and lodge with complete acceptance into our sub-conscious.   We absorb whatever is presented to us.  Abhorrent things are stopped at the border of our minds. THAT is the function of our conscious mind. Each human being gets to decide for themselves what is acceptable and what is not. Most normal people, given the option of seeing a horrific image of a dead child, will choose NOT to look at it. We don’t want that image in our recall, but even when we see or hear something our intellect or beliefs reject if we are fully conscious and in control, we have the ability to filter what we hear. Continue reading

About The Children.

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I fully get that many people on my social media pages have put me on “unfollow” and that those few posts that even get through are often passed over because let’s face it – people don’t like to feel uncomfortable.

We have been conditioned that when someone says something that contradicts our inner narrative we react with abhorrence. Instead of wondering why an idea brings up that reaction and searching ourselves, we attack the person presenting the idea and label them “bad.” What is the fear of examining an idea, of allowing the possibility it could be true and doing our homework to verify or nullify? Even if we find it to be true we still have the option of ignoring it or of taking it onboard and adjusting our approach to life because we now have more information that changes the game. What is wrong with changing? Why are we so afraid to be wrong? When did being right or wrong become a competition that we must “win?” Continue reading

Fighting for Families, The End of Family Courts.

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Family Law Reform Coalition – Press Release for 01.02.2016  “Australia’s Family Courts on Trial.”   A must read for everyone!!

I received a phone call this morning from a young woman who asked me to check my email.  She had sent me a copy of Family Law Reform Coalition press release.  I was impressed because in her little corner of her world, where much of life passes her by on a regular basis, she was awake enough to care about what is on her plate.  She is not likely ever going to be anyone that the world will know, but with each event in her life, she is waking up, paying attention and engaging.  I admire her for that.

An overhaul of Family Court is due in most countries. The only people who do not understand the need for this, are those who have never had to use it.

Family court, unlike any of the other courts, makes allowance for people’s emotions during a difficult time, which is the only excuse I come up for as to why they do not enforce the basic rules and codes of conduct that are upheld in the other courts. The most blatant of which is the amount of lying that goes on. People lie in their affidavits. They lie to the court ordered psychologists and psychiatrists. They lie in their testimony. They lie for themselves.  They lie for their families and friends.   And those lies are often proven during the course of the case that is being decided, and NOTHING is done about it.

By nothing, I mean I have never heard anyone being charged with perjury, despite the same wording being on everything people sign regarding swearing that you are telling the truth and it being a criminal offense to lie.

The problem with this is that it leads to people lying to the Police, to Social Services, and to Maintenance. In some instances it is even teaching the children involved how to lie and that our courts do not deserve respect.  Making you swear to tell the whole truth doesn’t actually mean the “true truth.”  Based on these lies people’s lives are ruined, their wages are being garnisheed and charges and judgments are placed against them. Continue reading

Raising Children, It’s Not About You.

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Love this article:  This is How you Know You Raised A Good Kid.

It is interesting watching your children grow as adults.  I am amazed how little the details matter – like what kind of car they drive, what their partner looks like, or what they do for a living.  The things that give me the most pride is when i see them making choices that show they know how to love and to forgive.  When they are mistreated and they do not retaliate with cruelty, when they pu aside their needs and wants for the greater good of their own children . . . even if no-one else will ever know the sacrifice they made,…

Sadly, too often, children become weapons for one parent to use against the other.  The need to be right, to get revenge, to hurt someone like you feel you have been hurt, takes over and we can waste a life time teaching our children to hate and carry out our endless acts of revenge against their other parent.  Think about that.  Think about the legacy that leaves for the world and what kind of people those children are going to be.  Would you want your child to end up with one of them as a partner?

Please pay attention to the children who are being raised in broken homes and advocate for them.  Tell your child it is not acceptable for them to trash your grandchild’s parent in front of the child.  Tell them that a child needs to know they are loved by both parents.  Help your child, your friend, to grow up and do the right thing.  It strengthens and heals the children, allowing them a chance at being decent people with happy lives, and it can do the same for your child.  As wounded as they might be, hanging on to hate, and spending a lifetime championing that emotion, only cancers us all.

Monsters Under the Bed.

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Bill Cosby – latest in the groups of “wholesome” entertainers that families welcomed into their homes and enjoyed for years, oblivious to the reality. Like others before, he not only denied the rumours of his sexual abuse, he attacked and belittled the victims encouraging die hard fans to turn against them and victimize them even further.

The fear of not being believed is the biggest barrier for many victims of sexual abuse. Time does no-one any healing favours here. It bolsters the idea for the perpetrator that they can act without any real consequences and it furthers the idea for the victims that they don’t matter. Justice is not just about law, it is often necessary to facilitate, or even begin, the process of healing.

I would like to single out Janice Dickinson among Bill Crosby’s victims. Who has not watched her over the years, with her out of control and often inappropriate behaviour and her eventual stint with Dr. Drew in rehab and not realized there is something really wrong with this woman? When we see people who act out like she did, we tend to discount them as people. We no longer seem to be able to look at symptoms and search for the underlying cause. It is easier to convince ourselves, some people are just like that, and to blame her.  Have we become that callous we no longer see pain? Continue reading

Fathers, Children Need Them. What is Wrong With Us?

How many women play games with their child’s father, long after the split up and divorce, these women are still so fixated on “getting him” that some cannot move on and have a healthy relationship with anyone else. EVERYTHING is about the partner who is no longer with them. Hating them takes up their whole life and causes them to do everything they can to poison the child against that parent.

Years after the break up they are still telling anyone who listens that all the problems their child suffers with are caused by their father. If a child is not improving a couple of years after being removed from their “horrible father,” then perhaps the problem was not the father, but the mother.

When women go out of their way to cause problems or involve themselves in their ex’s life years after the split, for the single purpose of creating drama and problems for him, someone needs to be asking some serious questions about the mental state of these women and their suitability to be responsible for raising any child.

Zero Tolerance For Bullying.

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Zero tolerance.

You hear a lot of the schools talking about their stance on bullying but what exactly does it mean?

When I hear that, I expect that to mean that should someone bully, they will have to leave the school. There is no excuse for it, no allowance for it to happen, and the school will protect all the students by making sure none of them are ever bullied, BUT, if it should happen, they will take responsibility, learn from it, and remove the bullying child OR insist that child get professional help that results in a change of behaviour. One incident -warning with help offered, second incident – they are gone.

It is not about zero tolerance for a child.  It is about zero tolerance for the act.  Too often we disallow important discussion on subjects because we lose sight of that subtle distinction.  We are not enacting discipline because of who did it, we are enacting it because of what was done.  Anyone who chooses that action would receive the same treatment.  It isn’t even about law or justice, it is the inherent right that every human being has to exist and participate and remain safe.  Those who choose actions that takes away from that sense must be removed.  And then, it is not up to the school to fix the offender or police their actions, it is up to the parents to get the child the help they need. Continue reading

To the Woman Who Has Raised Another Woman’s Child.

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It is an unenviable positions to raise another’s child. You are not blood, you will never be first, even though you might do most, if not all, of the hard work.

It takes someone very special to get it right.

Those that can step up to that challenge seem to understand that it is not a competition and the goal is for the child to grow up healthy and happy. They understand they may not be loved as a mother but they will be loved as the woman who raised them. We get caught up in the title. Does it even matter? Isn’t the important thing the love itself? When we focus on the title it is clear that what we are wanting out of the experience is praise and we are making it all about us and not the child.

Those who have alienated the child from their mother, who have taught the child to hate by feeding them lies and orchestrating drama and keeping the child from seeing their mother, are perhaps the most disgusting human beings. I say that because as women, we know the bonds of mother child and to purposefully interfere with those is not much different from what a paedophile does. You have taken a child’s innocence. You have poured your darkness into their light. You have used that child for your own personal gratification without any regard for the damage you have caused. You have done it to a child that was not your own.

I can only imagine the pain and suffering for women today who will not hear a single thing from their stolen child, except a message of hate. Those mothers will be silent, and take the abuse, and hold on to their hope that maybe one day their child will know the truth. They will do that because they are not usually the women who will put the child in the middle of the battle and make things worse. They do that because they ARE that child’s mother and THAT is what mother’s do. They sacrifice.

These women are so lacking in self esteem they cannot form a relationship with a mere child based on their own experience. Their relationship is forged by destroying another human being, because even a smidge of emotion left in that child for their mother is a threat to their insecurity.

Facebook will be full today of “shove it in your face” salutations from manipulated children gushing over the women who have destroyed their natural feelings for their own mothers. And somewhere a woman will weep while another woman and a stolen child high five one another with “wait until she sees THAT one.” That woman will not see the pain behind the child’s eyes as she says and does what she has to keep that woman happy. Those posts will then be commented on by all the people who support that woman in destroying the child. They will type in their words of encouragement and testaments to what a great mother that woman is compared to the biological mother. There will be more high fives and laughter as a mother weeps.

That is what we have become as people.

I worry about what these children will grow up like. I worry about being raised on a steady diet of hate and a campaign of unkindness. We talk about bullying, and yet there are parents instructing their kids on step by step methods. I worry about their ability to see people as human beings, and situations as having many shades, of not understanding no-one is perfect and it is never as simple as this person is all bad/wrong and this person is all good/right. I worry about the lies they have built their lives on, believing themselves to be better, and that in doing so, they have the right to then go out of their way to be cruel to someone else who is trying to say, “I love you.” I worry about them not understanding love, not understanding the kind of love that makes sacrifices.

I worry what kind of parents these kids will be. The circle will intensify. When these children are adults and dealing with broken homes and raising other children, will they resort to more violent methods? Will they be any more capable of doing the right thing?

And I worry that we all sit here, not aware, not seeing what is happening. I worry that even if we do we calm our discomfort with the mantra, “There is nothing I can do about it.”

Children are not weapons. They need to know that they are loved by all the people involved in their lives. They need to be protected from any of the grown-up legal matters that need to be sorted, and allowed to be children who are taught to love and to believe in a world that is full of possibilities. Our children need to learn skills of working with people, all people, and to negotiate social situations and relationships in ways that do not leave people broken and destroyed. They do not need to be schooled in ways to bully, to hurt, to hate.

And parents who do that, and all the people around those parents who support their efforts, are engaging in child abuse that I believe they should have to answer for.

Parental Alienation – For the Parents. Remember.

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For all the parents fighting the war for their children, the injustices of legal systems, the gender bias of maintenance enforcement and often social workers.

Remember.

Remember that your child absorbs the emotion even when they know nothing of the facts.  They absorb and internalize the anger.  They do not have the ability to sort it into the pile labelled “not mine to deal with.”  Everything a child feels is about themselves and writes a page in the book of their life.  This book becomes the story they will read to themselves over and over again through out their life.  It reminds them that they are good or bad.  It reads out each word in the voices of the people who taught them attaching all the feelings and emotions they felt at the time until it has convinced them who they are ….and who they are not.

Continue reading