In all of our lives are the experiences and situations that have scarred us, teaching us that while some of the dangers of this world might not be life threatening, they have the power to destroy our innocence, to shatter our illusions and to eat away great chunks of who we once were.
Some people spend a lifetime trying to gather up the pieces of themselves, arms full of bits and pieces, running here and there in the field of their life where the bomb went off, dropping as many as they pick up, and never quite getting it all.
Healing can sometimes seem like a commodity too rich for even the grossest amount of money. It can’t be bought.
There are hundreds of books devoted to “how to” heal, there are an equal number of healing guru’s out there, who, for part of that gross amount of money, will deliver a seminar or a lecture on how healing is achieved. People run, like hamsters in their wheels, attending, reading, doing . . . what others suggest and say.
And still the demons come at night and we never seem to gain back what we lost. Continue reading →
It was a car accident. Nothing particularly remarkable, but fatal nonetheless. You left behind a wife and two children. It was a painless death. The EMTs tried their best to save you, but to no avail. Your body was so utterly shattered you were better off, trust me.
And that’s when you met me.
“What… what happened?” You asked. “Where am I?”
“You died,” I said, matter-of-factly. No point in mincing words.
“There was a… a truck and it was skidding…”
“Yup,” I said.
“I… I died?”
“Yup. But don’t feel bad about it. Everyone dies,” I said.
You looked around. There was nothingness. Just you and me. “What is this place?” You asked. “Is this the afterlife?” Continue reading →
There are people in life who wait for life to come to them …
There are people that listen to what other people’s opinions are and align themselves to those. There are people who will not make a move until they look around and see what everyone else is doing so they can do exactly the same thing.
They write, sing, paint … just like they are taught. They pull around them their training as proof of their talent and imagine that if they can just do it perfect enough, they will be a writer, singer, artist …. Continue reading →
One of the greatest disservices we do to one another as women is that we teach our daughters “to be nice.”
It is not that “be nice” is a bad message. It goes with “be polite,” “be respectful,” etc. The problem happens when we teach our daughters to be nice with the fervour of Moonies at the “weekend retreat” from which no-one ever returns.
The problem is that little girls learn a whole set of rules that are as restrictive and perhaps more damaging that any burqa or religious indoctrination. “Being nice” can end up teaching little girls to deny themselves, to ignore their own needs . . . to feel achievement and satisfaction in putting by always putting others first. Continue reading →
It is not about trusting anything or anyone other than my own purpose and my ability to take what life throws at me and use it for advancement and not let it defeat me.
Some people excuse everything awful that comes at you by claiming it was what was meant to be, like we deserve tragedy or needed it. Some people use this idea to excuse the bad behaviour of other people as if they were doing you a favour by backing up the bus and taking another go at you once they drove over you in the first place. We all have choices and just because I lived after life or someone threw me off a cliff does not mean it was meant to be or that they are excused. It just means that I choose to move forward. Continue reading →
Sometimes I wonder where these band leaders are when you need them most, in those dark moments where you are not chosen, again . . . or you sit alone in your room wondering what it would be like to have someone else “get” who you are.
We grow up and we learn to either compromise ourselves completely, or accept that ours will be a lonely path with few visitors along the way. We learn to roll with the punches and to perhaps remove ourselves or remain silent on those days when we are particularly vulnerable. Continue reading →
I smile when people say there are two things that one should never discuss in public, politics and religion. It is not the subject matter that is the issue, it is the inability of people to talk about these things with an open mind.
It is the very reason that I examined those two subjects the most.
Why do we guard our beliefs with such fierce loyalty? If we believe them to be correct than surely they can stand up to any discussion? Surely they are worth sharing with others so that they too can find the “light.” The truth is we are afraid they won’t stand up. We are afraid we might be proven wrong and we are afraid of that because we are not as sure as we think we are. Continue reading →
My grand daughter who is staying with us from Canada on the Working Holiday programme got a job picking beans. The day consisted of all the adults launching into their bits of loving and concerned advice, which was not empowering as much as it was frightening. They were schooling her in every conceivable problem that could occur.
I watched her face morph from elation to worry as she eventually confided in me, “I don’t know if I am going to be able to do this.” Continue reading →
Lots of thoughts today about focusing on my actions and making sure I am not reacting to life. I remind myself I cannot control other people and that the only time I feel really off my own base and lose my sense of calm is when I find myself standing at the helm of other people’s boats, trying to steer them. Not my job. I just need to focus on me and doing what I am supposed to be doing and love people enough to let them have their own lives.
I freely admit it is hard for me sometimes, especially when I see that some people choose disaster and unhappiness and contention as a way of life. I want to get the life boat out and go and rescue them. And then I slap myself upside the head and remind myself not to be so arrogant. The journey has a purpose and the lessons have to be learned in their own way. I eventually make it back to my own boat and realize I have gone off course while I have been busy worrying about others. Continue reading →
I credit my husband for helping me to finally understand this on a practical level. He never engages in the unknown. He deals with things as they come up and is always confident of his ability to do so. We spend so much time speculating on what might happen and engaging our emotional response to that POSSIBILITY that we can create the very situation we most fear. We spend so much time being unhappy because it MIGHT happen instead of living our day, and knowing we will deal with what comes up when and if it comes up. I have found most times … it is never at all what we worry about and not putting all the energy into it prior to it happening, makes the situation so much less in its impact. Continue reading →