Fear of the Struggle.

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There is a talented woman named Gaelynn Lea whose life and talents are an inspiration to all of us.  She truly shows us ” . . . what can be done with a life.”  She has said,   “I really want there to be the acknowledgement that life is both difficult and beautiful at the same time.”

I wish to provide my acknowledgement of this truth.

We fear the struggle because that is what we have been taught.  In a world where even the poorest of those around me enjoy an affluence that a significant part of the rest of the world can only dream of,  people tend to react to their own suffering with shame while the suffering of others is often repugnant and seen as a reflection of lack in their character.

Money can alleviate, hide and even eliminate suffering.  What we hold up as evidence of value of human beings is beauty, evidence of money, and a lavish lifestyle.  We will overlook character flaws, inner ugliness and even criminal activity in our admiration and pursuit of these things.  Parents push their children to win at all costs, to seek careers that will provide them greater status and we seek partners that can either provide us with a free ticket or at least add to our own efforts. Continue reading

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Sorry, They Lied.

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This is another of the New Age-isms that I take issue with. I am all for opening up our children and filling them with light and possibilities but I also believe in teaching them discernment and truth.

I grew up in a world where little girls, especially, were raised to be “nice.” Reduced to expectations, that meant that having an idea, opinion, feeling, or need that was not the same as other people’s – made you bad, needy and selfish. You were meant to go along with the flow, to always sacrifice yourself for others, and never ever ask for anything. Your happiness lay in making others happy. Period.

The seventies had a mini revolution to guarantee women more rights, including the right to actually self-determine their own lives and not just be a host for their partner and children to suck the life out of.  Well, that is what the pamphlets said.

Today we tell our children that if they will just reflect kindness and love,  if they will be positive, or visualize nice things . . . they will get nice in return.  We tell them that is how the world works.

But that is absolutely NOT how it works.  The world is not fair. There is no balance, where in the end, everything always gets neatly tied up in Fair Wrapping Paper bought at the Justice Store. Often the mean horrible people end up getting all the breaks and living with money and power. The bullies don’t end up alone and miserable. The nice guy frequently does finish last and he is left as the only idiot being nice, being honest, loving and respecting others while everyone else takes advantage of him.  They go on to amazing success with a world that claps every time they fart and the nice dude ends up living alone, in poverty, with other people’s cats that they could not be bothered with.

We have to stop lying to people. Continue reading

Today’s Food For Thought.

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How I wish that I could explain to those I love, how wrong the world is. I wish I could go back and erase all the messages that I passed on, some intentional, but so many more that I just inadvertently taught out of my own weaknesses and fears. I wish I could redo it, putting more emphasis on embracing it all and releasing them from any sense of shame for simply being a human being.

The world tries to write our stories with its labels and limiting beliefs. We are too weak, we are not enough, we failed, we can’t, we shouldn’t. There is nothing that happens to us that we need to fear. We can face it. We can overcome it. We can heal. Continue reading

Today’s Food For Thought

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Life has given me everything. Every experience has taught me, whether positive or negative, every lesson has been perfectly delivered to burn its message deep into my heart. Sometimes I have fought the lesson and had to repeat the learning but all that I am today, I am because I have lived it.

If I am kind it is because I have chosen to be kind, over and over again. I cannot have lived a life of cruelty and revenge and be kind today. What I choose this very moment creates in me who I am. It changes and impacts the person I was before the action and it influences the person who will act in the next moment. Because I am imperfect and make mistakes, the only way to move forward in an effective way is to hold on to the lesson from the mistake and carry it forward to help me with the next lesson.

Every time I chose to deny who I was and try to adopt what others thought I should be, I gave away something so precious . . . Some of it I have never been able to get back. Our actions define us. Every single one of them, no matter how small.

I was lucky enough to have been born as a weirdo. I was weird because my brain was not wired to see things, to process them, in the same way, that everyone else did. I was not wanted as a child. I was usually alone, and seldom had friends who understood me. I learned that I could do it. I could make it without their help. I could figure things out on my own. I live my life unapologetically as who I am. I do things my way. I give myself permission to be me.

I am not special, or perfect, or some famous millionaire. But I am an awesome me. I took what I was given and I learned to love and nurture it and not just wish it away. Continue reading

Humans Are “Beings” Not “Doings.”

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“Don’t tell me what you are going to do, tell me what you have done.” I read that on someone’s online profile. People put up their profiles like ads for the internet. Quotes that are meant to tell us about the person have replaced the old ads of, “I like long walks on the beach . . . ”

I thought about the quote. It makes sense. Lots of people talk about what they are going to do, and what we are going to do is usually grand and impressive. Some people tell the story about what they are going to do right up until their last breath. It ends up being just a good story about what might have been. Continue reading

Hyacinths for the Soul. A Gift to the Women I Love.

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In the midst of my husband’s illness, before he died, we were at our lowest as a family.  I say that in reference to money, options, lifestyle, family support and friends.  I had spent almost 2 years of my life, dropping everything including my job and writing to being there for my husband 24/7 in the time he had left.  I had no idea what day it was other than how many days until the next refill of his prescriptions.  Days and nights were irrelevant.  He slept when he could and sometimes was awake all night.  The time he slept was divided between getting things done that required me to go away from him and catching the little sleep I could. Often my time was spent going to and from the hospital to see him, fighting with doctors and the people around me who made a tough situation worse but who I would not let make it worse for him, and sitting in a hospital room alone not knowing if he would make it through the night. Continue reading