Anyone Remember the Real Victims?

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This is not particularly against Bill Clinton. It is not a political statement. It is just he is the latest in a long line of rapists who make the same assertion.

They don’t want anyone discussing their past criminal activities, “it isn’t fair.”

People think that IF a person is caught, (which, btw, is the only thing that stops them, at least temporarily, because none of them voluntarily stop, and most of them resume their activities as soon as possible) and IF they are prosecuted, and IF they are found guilty, and IF they do jail time . . . that once that time is over that is all there is to it, the whole thing can just go away.

They feel it is completely unfair to make them forever have to live with their mistake. The further the distance between the time of their incident and when someone brings it up, the more unfair it is. Because the passage of time, after all, fixes everything. Doesn’t it?? Continue reading

Setting Lambs Free

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I have spent a lot of time examining my belief systems and how and if they have benefited me. I have also seriously considered how and if they have damaged me. Sadly, for the most part, I have to side with the latter.

I have strong clear memories of the many times I was instructed not to do things because it was not what other people were doing. I am not speaking about setting fire to the family dog kind of things, but rather things that were expressions of who I was and harmed no-one like wanting to wear my green pants with an orange top.  The only damage those types of things caused was to my family and their desire to fit in and to appear as “normal” as possible. Success was measured by how well you could do what everyone else was doing, as long as you did it in the same way everyone else was doing it. Life was one big chorus line where, to be perfect, you danced in sync with everyone else and never, ever, drew attention to yourself. I was to be assimilated, to be part of the whole and not an individual.

This, they assured me, was the path to true happiness.

It wasn’t.  It never was and never will be.

The problem with trying to fit in and not being yourself is that you end up with people in your life who can and will destroy you. If I had just been myself there would not have been any ambiguity regarding our compatibility. Those people would have walked a wide circle around me and I would have been better off for it.  Instead of spending so much time in complete pain, destroyed by the many unkindnesses from people who were never going to understand me, I might have found people who were actually capable of loving “me.”

Not because those people are bad people, or I am some precious snowflake, but because we both deserved the kind of love and friendship that actually was intended for our lives.  Instead, we were all forced into a game of engaging one another simply because we paid the admittance price and once paid, everyone gets a ride. Continue reading

WORD'S WORTH“Self expression is a mirror we make to see our souls. If we cannot express ourselves, we lose sight of who we are. Fear stutters our self expression. Fear of failing, fear of being wrong. Fear of not being enough. The thorn of self criticism, sharpened with comparison, lodges in the side of our creativity, and the unique poetry we are stops singing. But there is no wrong way to be you. Practise non-violence towards yourself by letting go of comparison. Cultivate kindness wherever you meet doubts and fears. Acceptance draws the thorn out: acceptance of our unique perfection, of all the threads—the light and dark, mismatched colours and frayed ends—that weave together to make us so. With acceptance comes love, and love kisses the wound closed.”  Quiet Lotus

WORD'S WORTH“Instead of a punishing world, let’s turn it into a healing world. For every offense, for every moment of poor judgment, for every instance of human frailty, for every momentary lapse of reason, our first response is always to punish, that’s all we’ve ever known and nothing ever changes, and shit keeps getting worse. What if our desire to punish those who’ve stumbled into a dark pattern of wrong-doing is transformed into a desire to understand, to love…to heal? Would it be a more conscientious and hopeful world? Would there be more people living a life of peaceful and generous coexistence? Would there be more givers, and less takers?”  Unknown

WORD'S WORTH“Ultimately healing is the result of a mystical act of surrender, an awakening that transcends any religion. It is an intimate dialogue of truth between the individual and the divine.”  Caroline Myss

Shame on the Village.

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One of the things I kept from my religious upbringing was a teaching that said “I give unto men correct principles that they may govern themselves.” Everything can work beautifully when we do not have to rely on others, the government, or laws to make us do the right thing. If each man was guided by a personal integrity that considered not only themselves but the whole of mankind, we would eliminate almost every problem we currently face.

But we don’t, and expecting every person to be evolved to that level is not practical and it has never happened, despite the awesome stories your grandparents tell about how much better everything was when they were a kid.

Throughout history, there has always been pretty much everything we see today. At times it was better hidden than today, but it was there. But our grandparents and to some extent my own generation did have something. We had the general consensus of “the village.” Continue reading

Today’s Food For Thought.

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How I wish that I could explain to those I love, how wrong the world is. I wish I could go back and erase all the messages that I passed on, some intentional, but so many more that I just inadvertently taught out of my own weaknesses and fears. I wish I could redo it, putting more emphasis on embracing it all and releasing them from any sense of shame for simply being a human being.

The world tries to write our stories with its labels and limiting beliefs. We are too weak, we are not enough, we failed, we can’t, we shouldn’t. There is nothing that happens to us that we need to fear. We can face it. We can overcome it. We can heal. Continue reading

WORD'S WORTH

“We all carry wounds in us that we received as children, and taking the path of healing these wounds makes it much easier for us to relate to and understand the children in our life. Whatever we haven’t transformed, we’re likely to pass on to our children and to our students. Our suffering will become their suffering. This is why practicing mindfulness in our daily lives is so important. It is not just to avoid burnout; mindfulness allows us to transform in the depths of our consciousness. If you are not at peace, how can you impart peace to your children and students?”  Thich Nhat Hanh 

Today’s Food For Thought.

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The family meal used to be an institution. Whatever was going on in your life, everyone was expected to check in for meal time.

It was a way to count heads, to make sure that everyone was safe, and to find out what had happened in our day. My grandparents used it as a time to teach and to talk about life. My brother often used it as an opportunity to tell everything I had done that might mean I was in trouble and he would get to choose the TV programming for the evening. I might have taken that same opportunity myself sometimes.

But it was more than that. Meals were connections and social times with other people. As children, we were always coached on our manners before people got there and given any special instructions that were required. It might be that our visiting Aunt had lost her leg to polio and walked with a limp. Under no circumstances were we to ask about it, or stare, or ask anything about whether she had any children, which she didn’t. I remember listening intently as my grandmother explained that she thought it would be too hard for a child to grow up with a mother who was missing a leg, and she did not want to embarrass them. I wanted to run up and hug my aunt and love her enough in that one evening to make up for all the children she should have had because she was such a beautiful lady.  I knew any child would have loved her because I loved her.  I couldn’t do that so instead, I was on my best behaviour. Continue reading