Depression Is . . .

wounds more deep
                                                     (Our Lady of Sorrows, painting by Tianna Mallett)
Around us so many people are facing such difficult times and more people are suffering with debilitating depression.  I found this to be such a timely reminder of how difficult depression is and that so little can mean so much to a person who is struggling.
“Depression is humiliating. It turns intelligent, kind people into zombies who can’t wash a dish or change their socks. It affects the ability to think clearly, to feel anything, to ascribe value to your children, your lifelong passions, your relative good fortune. It scoops out your normal healthy ability to cope with bad days and bad news, and replaces it with an unrecognizable sludge that finds no pleasure, no delight, no point in anything outside of bed. You alienate your friends because you can’t comport yourself socially, you risk your job because you can’t concentrate, you live in moderate squalor because you have no energy to stand up, let alone take out the garbage. You become pathetic and you know it. And you have no capacity to stop the downward plunge. You have no perspective, no emotional reserves, no faith that it will get better. So you feel guilty and ashamed of your inability to deal with life like a regular human, which exacerbates the depression and the isolation. If you’ve never been depressed, thank your lucky stars and back off the folks who take a pill so they can make eye contact with the grocery store cashier. No one on earth would choose the nightmare of depression over an averagely turbulent normal life. It’s not an incapacity to cope with day to day living in the modern world. It’s an incapacity to function. At all. If you and your loved ones have been spared, every blessing to you. If depression has taken root in you or your loved ones, every blessing to you, too. No one chooses it. No one deserves it. It runs in families, it ruins families. You cannot imagine what it takes to feign normalcy, to show up to work, to make a dentist appointment, to pay bills, to walk your dog, to return library books on time, to keep enough toilet paper on hand, when you are exerting most of your capacity on trying not to kill yourself. Depression is real. Just because you’ve never had it doesn’t make it imaginary. Compassion is also real. And a depressed person may cling desperately to it until they are out of the woods and they may remember your compassion for the rest of their lives as a force greater than their depression. Have a heart. Judge not lest ye be judged.”  Depression is not a synonym for being sad or having a bad day/bad week.”  – Pearl

The Village Speaks: PAS Does not Happen in a Vacuum.

irreparably

I am going to once again plug this site on Parental Alienation and I am asking people to read it and pay close attention to the signs of an abusing parent, the signs of an abused child, and ask yourself if you are supporting someone who is alienating their child.  We are destroying our children with our need to exact revenge for our own problems.  Our children deserve better than that.  WE are the village.  WE can change things if we simply educate ourselves and do what we can with our own responsibilities and spheres of influence.

Perspective is a Good Thing When Someone Lets The Radicals Out of the Barn.

protect

An Australian group just went too far.

We have been consumed with the fate of the “Bali Nine,” which is the name given to a group of Australians who  attempted to smuggle drugs into Indonesia.  They were caught with 8.3 kg (18 lb) of heroine with a street value of 4 million.

That happened in 2005.  What followed was a merry-go-round of sentencing, all in keeping with Indonesian law, and then tons of appeals, back and forth, and the final outcome where today two of the men are expected to be executed (shot) any day now.

The families of the two young men are devastated and outraged.  Both of the men are indeed sorry for their actions and have, according to many witnesses, transformed their lives and had become assets in the jails where they were housed.

Australians want their lives spared. Continue reading

TFFT: Compassion is Powerful, Find Out Why.

compassion hurts

It is hard to be tender hearted.  Despite the best efforts of my grandparents who raised me, my teachers, all the cruelty of the world and the mean heartedness of some people, I have survived.  I stopped fighting it as a young woman when I finally realized that despite the pain, it was also my greatest gift, affording me sight and understanding that not everyone else had.

But compassion is not just a gift, it is a necessity for our lives, and especially for the future of our children. Continue reading

TFFT The Pain of Letting Go

let go

Letting go can seem like the end of the world.  What will happen to us if we let go of something or someone that has been such a big part of our lives, especially if the letting go is not what we want to do?  Our penchant, especially as women, is to love.  We all paint pictures in our heads, tell ourselves stories about who we are, what we are supposed to do with our lives.  We can race ahead of our decisions and imagine the negative outcome of our actions.  We hear our families disapproving voices, we relive all the Sunday School Lessons, we feel the disgust of strangers who don’t even know us … judging.   Are we bad people when we finally choose ourselves instead of bleeding ourselves dry for people and situations that are not healthy and may never be? Continue reading

Promise to My Husband Before He Died.

Promises

The ALS ice bucket challenge is all over the internet.  Lots of people are doing it in half measures (no ice – which I suppose is proof of how cold the water actually is)and some are doing it without any real understanding of the purpose behind it.  Such is the power of the internet.  We don’t even have to understand something in order to line up to do it because everyone else is.

I watched one of the video’s of a young man who understands ALS from a different view than most of us.   Then I spent a night tossing and turning.

I was impacted by the pictures of him tending to his mother.  It brought back too many memories of the 3 years my husband suffered before he died.  It also brought back conversations we had where he asked me to make sure that I shared his story so that this did not have to happen to any other families.  That was kind of how he rolled.  He hung on way beyond anyone’s expectations because he was worried about the kids and I.  He took his friends out for coffee or lunch to tell them he was dying because he could not bear that they would “hear it” casually from someone else.  He wanted people to know he knew he was dying and that he would be ok.  He wanted them to know he appreciated them.  He wanted his suffering to create understanding and compassion and maybe even force changes for other Acute Intermittent Porphyria Sufferers.

And then he died. Continue reading

Adult Survivors of Child Abuse. The Cost.

survivors

Great Resource Site with Lots of Information for Survivors and those of you who know someone who has survived.  Healing has a lot to do with the environment the Survivor is in.  Are you aware?  Are you compassionate?  Are you hard on the person, not taking into account how the abuse has impacted their entire life?  There is plenty for all of us to learn, to help these people heal.

ASCA – Adults Surviving Childhood Abuse

Life’s Invitation.

in the end

This has been a really difficult past few weeks.  I find sometimes life just grabs hold of you and throws you off the cliff and things you thought you knew, you didn’t, and nothing makes sense anymore.

Of course, the go-to reaction is to run home crying to your mommy and complain that the world is unfair and ask to have your boo boo kissed better.

But I am not a child. Continue reading

News From the Family Wars.

Strong children

I love this article on step parenting, the approach to it, the attitude, the understanding of what is important.

http://themidlifedebutante.com/2014/07/lessons-in-parenting/

I have never understood how adults act without any connection to the pain they are causing their children.  I have never understood choosing to live in a living room filled with constant hate and a hyper vigilant need to destroy or undermine the other parent.  Children are forced to live with that and their response is to do whatever is necessary to create peace.  Sadly, most often, that requires them to play the game of hating the other parent and never visiting them because at least then it makes the primary care parent calmer.  These children are not choosing to alienate the other parent.  They are beaten into submission by the hate of the controlling parent. Continue reading