How I wish that I could explain to those I love, how wrong the world is. I wish I could go back and erase all the messages that I passed on, some intentional, but so many more that I just inadvertently taught out of my own weaknesses and fears. I wish I could redo it, putting more emphasis on embracing it all and releasing them from any sense of shame for simply being a human being.
The world tries to write our stories with its labels and limiting beliefs. We are too weak, we are not enough, we failed, we can’t, we shouldn’t. There is nothing that happens to us that we need to fear. We can face it. We can overcome it. We can heal. Continue reading →
This is supposed to be the point in my life where I look at the long winding road that has lead me here and consider the successes, the failures, and consider my regrets.
Is it rude to say I don’t have any?
It isn’t that I think I am perfect because I am so far from that I laugh to think I ever allowed myself to live trying to achieve that, and then cried when I fell short. It isn’t that I cannot see or feel the pain, the heartache, the darkness, the problems all around me. I am not living with some rose coloured glasses on pretending the world is all beer and skittles. I recognize that every detail of my life’s journey is shaded many colours both dark and light and I am grateful for the ability I gained to use it all to grow and learn.
I don’t even miss people or places. I love that some people and places touched me on such a level that I only have to close my eyes and I am there again. I can feel them to the point that I give away my present moments to their honour. What a gift to have had those types of experiences. Even the painful ones, that are so sharp they can make me bleed, remind me that I will not repeat the actions that placed me there. They are jewels of a different kind. But I don’t wish that they were here or that I could go back because you can’t go back to anything. Even if some miracle could transport you, how would you recognize anything? You are not that person any more. Continue reading →
“There is no sentimentality here. We need dirt under our nails and smoke stiffening our hair. We need salt drying on our chests, and bramble snagged calves. We need to strip our fingers of rings and throw them into the lake. We must dedicate ourselves to our forty days in the wilderness rather than our five minutes of fame. Magic must become more savage if it is to have any meaning in the world, any power. Myths are not to be draped about poetry, they come from the very substance of the earth, this is the mask we must wear. Be fierce from this understanding taking root.” Unknown
So many things seemed so important at the time and with the passing of the years, they aren’t and never were. I wish I had taken the energy I expended on pushing my children to comply with being good students so they could fit in and to be able to “compete” in the world, more into the moments.
I am sitting here this morning, drinking my coffee and looking out across the most beautiful landscape that is the backyard of my home. I have a full life time of experiences, some of them would fill you with awe and admiration, some of them would make you weep. I have made colossal mistakes that still pull me to the edge to revisit them years later. Those highs and lows are not my constant companions. This morning I can only remember my youngest son and the way he smelled in my arms when he would stop whatever he was doing and would rush to me, urgent in his need to climb into my lap and to hug me.
He did not want or need anything. He did not hurry away. He ran to be with me and sit there with love being the unspoken bond between us. Continue reading →
The most successful people in life are not those who have important positions, a thousand social media “likes” or more money than God. They are the people who changed the lives of the people they met. They are the people whose names are etched in other’s hearts for the seemingly small acts of kindness and service offered. Our capacity for love opens us to compassion and our compassion spurs us the action. That action builds the web that holds us all in together. Continue reading →
“In life, we think that the point is to pass the test or overcome the problem. The real truth is that things don’t really get solved. They come together for a time, then they fall back apart. Then they come together again and fall apart again. It’s just like that.
Personal discovery and growth come from letting there be room for all of this to happen: room for grief, for relief, for misery, for joy.
Suffering comes from wishing things were different. Misery is self inflicted, when we are expecting the “ideal” to overcome the “actual” or needing things (or people, or places) to be different for us so we can then be happy.
Let the hard things in life break you. Let then effect you. Let them change you. Let these hard moments inform you. let this pain be your teacher. the experiences of your life are trying to tell you something about yourself. Don’t cop out on that. Don’t run away and hide under your covers. Lean into it.
What is the lesson in this wind? What is this storm trying to tell you? What will you learn if your face it with courage? With full honesty and – lean into it.” Pema Chödrön
“Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won’t either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself you tasted as many as you could.” Louise Erdrich
I sometimes wonder if people assume the only reason we should tell the truth is a legal or a religious one. Do we understand the importance of the truth as an energy that flows … or is stopped? Do we understand that the person lies hurt the most is not the intended victim . . . it is always ourselves. Continue reading →
If you knew my life story, you would probably ask me how I manage to get out of bed each day. I am not sure you would even believe my story, but “the story,” is NOT the story. Those are things that happened to me.
The story is that everything that happened only served to break me open and make me so appreciate of love. It allowed me to see beauty where others do not, to see hope where others may not look. I am grateful for my life. I really am, even when I sometimes have to administer first aid to my scabs that life can sometimes pick at. Continue reading →