Katelyn Nicole Davis (Dolly)

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Katelyn Nicole Davis (Dolly) 12 years old. She shared her heart with us, wanting some reassurance, and we showed her the ugliest part of being human – that part within humans, where they believe that everything is a competition and that they can only win by making sure someone else loses.

How does a 12-year-old make the decision to end her life and do so, exiting out of it with a string of apologies for letting everyone down?  What did we expect from her?  How could her life come and go and seem to mean so little to this world?  Such a beautiful, sweet girl.  Look at her.  How fitting is her nickname of “Dolly?”  Most of us will feel terrible about this little girl committing suicide and we will look at the actual people who did this to her in a “them” and “me” type of lens, but we all contributed to this and the many other cases of bullying that goes on everywhere. Continue reading

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Response to a Friend. Yes, I Have Changed.

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“You have changed!”

People say that to me with an accusatory tone. I am not sure how they expect me to respond.

If I have not changed in a year, in 10 years, I would be sadly disappointed in myself. I work hard on making sure I have changed. I spend time with myself. I put effort into learning. I ask questions. I research. I listen. I pay attention. The call is always to deepen my understanding, to push beyond the comfortable, to not be satisfied with status quo.

I find out over and over again that my understanding was limited, superficial, and even completely wrong. That inspires me to dig. I cannot continue to say and do the things I used to say and do when I know that they no longer serve me because I have found so much more. It will mean that I may not be on the same page with people that I once was.

Of course I have changed. Continue reading

What the FUCK are we Doing?

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I make no apologies for the F-bomb in this title. If there was ever an appropriate time to use it, it is now.

Our world is falling apart with wars and corruption, poverty and disease on a scale we have never seen before. We are fighting for our lives in so many arenas and it doesn’t matter one iota whether we are bleeding from the war or totally unaware as we flip through TV channels bemoaning that there is so little to watch.

The whole world is screaming out for us to wake up. Stop the insanity. Heal the world.

And what are we doing?

We are pushing each other away. We are lying and cheating . We engage in destroying one another on every level we can. Children are killing themselves with drugs, bored that the reality of life cannot compete with the action packed pace of a video game. They push and pull at their parents demanding money, holding their love and attention as ransom. “Do what we want or you will never see me (or your grandchildren) again. ”

“I hate you,” rings through the land. “I want nothing to do with you.”

Husbands and wives feed on one another. One moment they are everything to each other and the next – war!  If financial investment somehow measured the strength of their unions, they would all be unbreakable. They marry with a ceremony whose cost could feed a whole community for a few weeks. They immediately collect the fancy house, a couple of cars and tons of clothes and jewellery. They vacation. They spend, spend, spend. And then suddenly, they no longer love. They don’t love less. They hate. They hate everything about the other person. The person they pretended to be while married, all the things they said about what they would never do to each other, they do . . . and far worse. They don’t care that they are being complete hypocrites. They do it to themselves and they do it to each other. Worst of all, they do it to their children. Continue reading

Be The Change

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When I was a child I remember the first world issue I really took to heart which was the starving children in Bangladesh. I remember crying myself to sleep and writing poetry because the idea that children were starving to death instead of running and playing like I was – was so hard and unfair.

It was a concept, not a reality for me. I looked at pictures, separated with a glossy coolness between the reality and my world that allowed me a disconnect despite the tears. They were “over there” and I was safely “here.”

As I have grown,  I have come to understand there are many countries where the mortality rate among children is high, due to violence and poverty. I have grown to understand that there are countries where many young people are killed due to violence and that there are countries where the young are expected to die, irrelevant consequences in ancient and financial tug of wars for religion and power, drugs and sex. Despite my tears and my concerns or even my actions on “behalf of” I am still protected by the label “third world countries” and my own privilege. Continue reading

Zero Tolerance For Bullying.

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Zero tolerance.

You hear a lot of the schools talking about their stance on bullying but what exactly does it mean?

When I hear that, I expect that to mean that should someone bully, they will have to leave the school. There is no excuse for it, no allowance for it to happen, and the school will protect all the students by making sure none of them are ever bullied, BUT, if it should happen, they will take responsibility, learn from it, and remove the bullying child OR insist that child get professional help that results in a change of behaviour. One incident -warning with help offered, second incident – they are gone.

It is not about zero tolerance for a child.  It is about zero tolerance for the act.  Too often we disallow important discussion on subjects because we lose sight of that subtle distinction.  We are not enacting discipline because of who did it, we are enacting it because of what was done.  Anyone who chooses that action would receive the same treatment.  It isn’t even about law or justice, it is the inherent right that every human being has to exist and participate and remain safe.  Those who choose actions that takes away from that sense must be removed.  And then, it is not up to the school to fix the offender or police their actions, it is up to the parents to get the child the help they need. Continue reading

The Village Speaks: PAS Does not Happen in a Vacuum.

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I am going to once again plug this site on Parental Alienation and I am asking people to read it and pay close attention to the signs of an abusing parent, the signs of an abused child, and ask yourself if you are supporting someone who is alienating their child.  We are destroying our children with our need to exact revenge for our own problems.  Our children deserve better than that.  WE are the village.  WE can change things if we simply educate ourselves and do what we can with our own responsibilities and spheres of influence.

Screaming About Life After It Is Too Late To Fix Things Is Called A Tantrum.

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Today I read about a situation that resulted in a large outcry from “the people” in angry protest.  Although a seemingly daily story with just differing situations, this one was of particular interest.

It caught my eye because the law behind the events was one that I was intimately familiar with.  Over 30 years ago when it was about to be enacted I spoke up about the possible outcomes of such a law.  The reactions of many “good” people was that I was being ridiculous, making much about nothing, did not know what I was talking about, etc.  People were not interested.  It did not impact them that day and they had other things to do.  They were in agreement on that one point and the law passed because no-one felt they needed to worry about it. Continue reading