“So often we try to make other people feel better by minimizing their pain, by telling them that it will get better (which it will) or that there are worse things in the world (which there are). But that’s not what I actually needed. What I actually needed was for someone to tell me that it hurt because it mattered. I have found this very useful to think about over the years, and I find that it is a lot easier and more bearable to be sad when you aren’t constantly berating yourself for being sad.” John Green
When did it happen? Somewhere, seemingly in the night, while I lay sleeping, life shifted.
It changed from this epic journey I was on where everything was possible, to a journey I had been on. Like a roller coaster ride, I boarded it, so excited and full of excitement and then suddenly we were climbing the biggest hill, pausing at the top, taking in the view and then whizzing around the track, laughing, gasping, holding on for dear life, barely able to scan ahead to see what was coming next. And then, suddenly you could feel it begin to lose its momentum and the ups and downs began to lessen and level out. The curves were not as tight and the speed was lost and you knew you were heading for the platform where the ride ends.
How we would wish for one more big thrill. But no matter how hard we wished, the ride was coming to an end.
I woke up one morning and the way I looked at things was different. Nothing had happened, there had not been some big epiphany, nor had I made a monumental choice, it was just different. Once where I would look at something and it felt like a someday possibility, things now remind me that part is over. There is a sadness all mixed up in my go to it attitude and joy of life. Continue reading
How long does it take a heart to give up
I was sitting yesterday watching the baby rabbits play and remembered that I had a brother. It was the strangest thing.
I said it to myself and kept repeating, “I have a brother.” I think I was waiting for there to be some emotional response. Sadness? Curiousity? Anger?
I tried to feel something … anything.
I have a brother. I have a blue dress. I have a guitar. The grass is green. 2 + 2 = 4 . Facts that mean nothing. Continue reading