We all have our own stories to tell of our childhood, some more damaging than others. I am still struggling to put together the words that can move the darkness of my childhood into the light, where I can finally and ultimately let it go and set myself free.
Sometimes it is difficult to do that, especially when so much effort was made to keep it all hidden.
But sometimes, it is easy to get stuck on the pain and to allow our anger or our sense of victimhood to wrap around us as if it were our very skin. We get lost. We forget who we are, and without the very people who were supposed to love, nurture and protect us, there is no-one to hold on to the memory of who we once were. Parents are meant to do that. They are meant to know and understand who we are and to hold that for us while we travel physically and emotionally through life, struggling to find ourselves. They are meant to be the touchstone of our lives that pull us back to the mirror where they say, “See, you are beautiful. You are capable. You are Loved.”
Somewhere in the forest of pain and sorrow that littered my growing up, I grew 8 ft tall and I stepped up to parent myself. I am not saying that I did everything perfectly. I doubt I did much of anything perfectly, but I did survive. Continue reading
The Sunshine Coast RACQ CareFlight Rescue crew has taken these photographs while on a mission to airlift a patient from Gympie Hospital this morning. (See story in Gympie Times) Continue reading
My grandfather got really pissed at the Biffster once because he wasn’t being manly enough to please his old world sensibilities. Mostly he was terrified that the Biff might be “queer.” I mean there were so many clues to justify his concern, like the fact that Biff wasn’t hitching up his jeans, scratching himself or strutting while both horking and spitting. My grandfather was a keen observer of all things life. He didn’t just leap to his conclusions, he defied all gravity and flew across Grand Canyons of expanse to reach them. He was a gifted gifted athlete! Continue reading
This speaks to me today. There is so much going on in the world and people are either preparing for war, or cowering in their homes, afraid of every shadow that moves. There is talk of storing enough food, enough guns .. of being prepared to die, of having no choice but to accept you will die.
Within individual lives are storms of pain regarding relationships, addictions, financial worries, health . .. people struggle and feel isolated with the problems that greet them each morning with relentless regularity. Continue reading
Growing up we were that the good guys always win, and with that came an expectation that life would be fair. In fact, perhaps it made it easier to opt out of paying attention because clearly, this was just how it was. Good guys and bad guys were easily identifiable. Monsters were in scary places and mainly fairy tales that most of us left far behind us as we headed into adulthood full of idealism and dreams.
But monsters do exist outside of fairy tales and they are not always identifiable and sometimes they even show up in our lives as the fairy princess or the guy in the white hat. And, assuming that someone else was keeping life fair was the worst mistake we ever made. Continue reading
“Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won’t either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself you tasted as many as you could.” Louise Erdrich
It is so much easier to let people come and go out of our lives, teaching us the lessons they were intended to teach, learning more about ourselves when we stop looking at them as some kind of possessions we are meant to accumulate during our lives. People are energy, just like anything else in life. They are meant to flow to us, through us, and back into the world. We are not meant to hold on to them any more than we are meant to hold on to things or emotions or anything in this world. When we stop the idea that we own people, whether it be your spouse, your children or friends, life becomes much easier.
You cannot hold the wind. You can only experience it. Continue reading