I received a phone call this morning from a young woman who asked me to check my email. She had sent me a copy of Family Law Reform Coalition press release. I was impressed because in her little corner of her world, where much of life passes her by on a regular basis, she was awake enough to care about what is on her plate. She is not likely ever going to be anyone that the world will know, but with each event in her life, she is waking up, paying attention and engaging. I admire her for that.
An overhaul of Family Court is due in most countries. The only people who do not understand the need for this, are those who have never had to use it.
Family court, unlike any of the other courts, makes allowance for people’s emotions during a difficult time, which is the only excuse I come up for as to why they do not enforce the basic rules and codes of conduct that are upheld in the other courts. The most blatant of which is the amount of lying that goes on. People lie in their affidavits. They lie to the court ordered psychologists and psychiatrists. They lie in their testimony. They lie for themselves. They lie for their families and friends. And those lies are often proven during the course of the case that is being decided, and NOTHING is done about it.
By nothing, I mean I have never heard anyone being charged with perjury, despite the same wording being on everything people sign regarding swearing that you are telling the truth and it being a criminal offense to lie.
The problem with this is that it leads to people lying to the Police, to Social Services, and to Maintenance. In some instances it is even teaching the children involved how to lie and that our courts do not deserve respect. Making you swear to tell the whole truth doesn’t actually mean the “true truth.” Based on these lies people’s lives are ruined, their wages are being garnisheed and charges and judgments are placed against them. Continue reading →
It is interesting watching your children grow as adults. I am amazed how little the details matter – like what kind of car they drive, what their partner looks like, or what they do for a living. The things that give me the most pride is when i see them making choices that show they know how to love and to forgive. When they are mistreated and they do not retaliate with cruelty, when they pu aside their needs and wants for the greater good of their own children . . . even if no-one else will ever know the sacrifice they made,…
Sadly, too often, children become weapons for one parent to use against the other. The need to be right, to get revenge, to hurt someone like you feel you have been hurt, takes over and we can waste a life time teaching our children to hate and carry out our endless acts of revenge against their other parent. Think about that. Think about the legacy that leaves for the world and what kind of people those children are going to be. Would you want your child to end up with one of them as a partner?
Please pay attention to the children who are being raised in broken homes and advocate for them. Tell your child it is not acceptable for them to trash your grandchild’s parent in front of the child. Tell them that a child needs to know they are loved by both parents. Help your child, your friend, to grow up and do the right thing. It strengthens and heals the children, allowing them a chance at being decent people with happy lives, and it can do the same for your child. As wounded as they might be, hanging on to hate, and spending a lifetime championing that emotion, only cancers us all.
For all the parents fighting the war for their children, the injustices of legal systems, the gender bias of maintenance enforcement and often social workers.
Remember that your child absorbs the emotion even when they know nothing of the facts. They absorb and internalize the anger. They do not have the ability to sort it into the pile labelled “not mine to deal with.” Everything a child feels is about themselves and writes a page in the book of their life. This book becomes the story they will read to themselves over and over again through out their life. It reminds them that they are good or bad. It reads out each word in the voices of the people who taught them attaching all the feelings and emotions they felt at the time until it has convinced them who they are ….and who they are not.
I am going to once again plug this site on Parental Alienation and I am asking people to read it and pay close attention to the signs of an abusing parent, the signs of an abused child, and ask yourself if you are supporting someone who is alienating their child. We are destroying our children with our need to exact revenge for our own problems. Our children deserve better than that. WE are the village. WE can change things if we simply educate ourselves and do what we can with our own responsibilities and spheres of influence.
Step parents are in an unenviable position. Those who are doing an awesome job are often abused by an insecure parent who undermines them at every turn and those who are abusing a child with Parental Alienation Syndrome are destroying live, none more at risk, than the child entrusted in their care.
Adding children into a home, especially when they are not your own, is a difficult thing to do. Well, it can be done, but achieving the goal that everyone gets out alive is a big undertake. Continue reading →
You can bully a child but you cannot bully me nor the millions of other thinking caring adults who recognize the damage you are doing to that child as abuse. Tell whatever stories to yourself that you have to in order to go to sleep at night but I will never be silenced. Keep telling your lies to the people who will listen and nod but even they are talking to everyone behind your back and condemning what you are doing. When we make choices to live our lives in reprehensible ways you have to be prepared to live with your own reflection when someone holds up the mirror. Your anger at everyone else is sadly misplaced because they are not the problem for speaking out against it, YOU are the problem for having committed these acts. I hope that people might find the grace to extend to you when your actions are condemned, that you have never afforded anyone else. Continue reading →
“Encouraging a child to betray one of the most important members of his family be it the father or the mother produces within that child a tendency towards psychopathic behaviour. Once the alienating parent has denigrated the other parent to the child, the child due to the pressure upon him and the “power” wielded by the alienator needs to carry on the process of denigration.
Children who suffer from the PAS syndrome develop a concept that one parent is the loving parent and hence to be loved back while the other is the hated parent who has done evil or wickedness, etc., not only towards the alienating parent but towards the child. This has been consciously as well as unconsciously indoctrinated in to the child. This has also resulted in fear as well as hatred for the alienated parent. Virtually all indoctrination of a negative type is carried out by the mother who usually retains the child in residence. Occasionally it is the father or one of the relations to the child who may have taken over the role of parenting. Continue reading →
I am not an expert on God Parents and have never had one or been one. I fully recognize that being a God Parent is not a legal position. Basically a God Parent is someone who parents pick to take a special interest in their children. Should anything happen to the parents, the God Parent is suppose to care for the child(ren).
Now most people are named as God Parents and after the last pretty little cupcake is consumed from the christening, the subject is never again raised. Others might make mention of and include these people in special family times and then there are those that make a point of standing up and asserting their God Parentness all over social media and anyone else who will listen. Continue reading →
There are grandchildren that I will never know because their parent is denied any access, not by the courts, but by the parent/step parent raising them.
These children have been taught to hate. They have been filled with lies that are supported not only by their one birth parent, but by the people around them. I am at a loss because I don’t think I have ever associated with anyone who would have allowed me to speak such horrible things in front of an adult let alone a child. My friends and family would have called me on such behaviour. They would have told me that a child needs both parents. They would have urged me towards compassion. Continue reading →
Parental Alienations Syndrome is Child Abuse and anyone who supports a woman or a man who keeps their children from seeing their other parent, and spews lies and garbage about them to make the child hate them, belongs in jail. It damages the child for life.